teenage depression

[katiestar]

I am increasingly concerned about my DS1 who has jst turned 14.
For a while now he has been doing everything possible to avoid social contact with other kids.About 3 months ago he started to become very distant and cold.eventually he opened up that he felt every body was ganging up on him at school.Talking down to him,ignoring him ,making fun of him.
He has just come back from a weeks school trip.he says one boy in particular put him down all the time ,makeing fun of everything e said and then teasing him when he didn't say anything. From what he says I don't think really he gets teased more than anyone else , but he always sticks up for someone being bullied and never fights back physically.So i think people feel 'safe' teasing or hitting him
He say he feels sad all the time and seems to have very low self esteem.he goes to a grammar school and is in gthe bottom half of the class.
What should I do ?

has nobody come across this ? would another forum be better do you think ?

I'll come back to this, didn't want you to go unanswered and have some experience with my daughters - but first port of call is GP and ask for referral to CAMHS so he can have an assessment

you could try posting in 'teenagers' section too, maybe?

Hey -

I'm speaking here as a teenager with depression. I'm 17, and was bullied to different degrees all the way through my secondary school. Not to scare you, but just so you know I understand, I was thrown down stairs, had knives pulled on me and had my hair set on fire at the worst, and teased much the same as you have been describing for your son at a lesser degree. That's not to say its not distressing - I understand exactly how he must be feeling, and its bloody horrible.

I'll be honest. It took me hitting someone back to get them to leave off. I'm not a violent person, and I struggled with what i did for a while, but when people realised I wasn't going to take any more BS, they gave me some more space. I was still bullied, but no where near as badly as before.

Is there a school counciller? It helped me just having someone to go and rant at for an hour a week. If there isn't, I'd suggest looking for a local YPC or something similar.

I also second the recommendation above to seek CAMHS intervention, but bare in mind that they will probably take a few weeks to give you an initial appointment. Once you're in the system, its great, its just getting in thats the bugger.

Get in touch with the school, even if he has asked you not to. Make them aware of this individual. It might not just be your son who is being affected.

Lastly, just be there for him. Don't pressure him to talk about things if he doesn't want to - always made me feel worse - but do reassure him that you still love him, and that if he does want to talk you're here. If there is anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to let me know.

I think you need to talk to the school - you need to ascertain how much of how he feels is true is actually true. Is there an element of paranoia? You say you don't think he's teased more than anyone else - so is this an attention-seeking thing?

The school may well have a counselling service, or at least contacts for one - it does sound like he needs a bit of extra support. It's a really tough age for boys - it's good that whatever problems there are he's able to open up to you and discuss it.

Thanks very much for your support
He has actually been much better over the holidays , he seems really keen to do things as a family.
I will certainly have a confidential word with his form tutor next term to make her aware of how he has been feeling.