Why can't I cry?

[BibiThree]

Okay, potted history:
Been on and aff ADs for the past 6 years, the last time I started taking them was after the DTs and I developed pnd. I came off them for hopefully the last time 6 months ago and as it was well managed, I thought I was doing really well.

But now I find myself quite detached from situations, as if I cannot let myself get too involved emotionally in case it all goes wrong again. I feel this even with my girls abd to an extend with dh, like I'm not bonding and engaging as much as I could be. The most noticeable thing though is that I just can't/don't cry.

Before this I cried at everything, happy or sad. The girls making me proud always set me off, or just being tired and having pms. A good cry used to sort me out. Tv programmes got me, ER almost every week, but now I just don't. I think i've only cried twice in 6 months, once at my Dad's grave and once after someone was quite hurtful towards me. Normally it would be about twice a week.

Has anyone else been like this? I think it's a stress management technique, if I don't get involved I can't get upset, but that can't be healthy can it?

Any advice appreciated! Thanks.

Not sure it'll be much help to you but here goes - years ago, when my fiance left me 3m prior to the wedding, I had terrible trouble crying about if for days - in the end I had to watch a really weepy film to get the floodgates to open. I think in my case it was a protection mechanism, I was still in shock for those days. So yes - I think for you it is also a protection mechanism.

Is it really worrying you? Are you managing day to day ok in other ways? If you feel like you are really becoming distant from your family and real life feelings, then you might want to talk to your GP about it.

Could it have been the ads that made you like that before?

Thanks for the replies ladies. It is starting to worry me now. I wasn't the ADs that made me weepy to start with, I've been like it my whole life.
I've also tried to attribute my new found "hardness" with being a mother of 3 and simply not having time to cry and having different priorities now so not everything in rl or on tv means so much to me iykwim?
I want to mention it to my gp, but I don't want to go back on ADs, aside from this I'm doing really well and even when I'm feeling really down I don't feel half as despairing as I did when I really needed them.
I just don't want to plod along thinking this is normal and end up being too afraid to let myself feel anything at all.

You're not alone in this.

It's something I've found myself unable to do either over the past year or so. I've never been that emotional but there's been plenty of rubbish stuff going on in my life this past year when I've thought that I could really do with a good cry (and be entitled to it!) but never let go. I feel like I'm bottling it all up and that I really hold myself back.

I don;t have any answers myself but I have to say I did watch the Secret Millionaire on Sunday and tears were rolling down my face at that, which was the first time in ages (and I don;t mean about crying at the tv, just crying at all) and I did feel better for it.

Maybe even reading a book or watching a TV show that set you off before when you are feeling good and positive will unblock you a bit.

I went through a dreadful time in 2003ish and couldn't cry for a long time afterwards. I sort of went to cry and it kind of came out dry, like a bark, and then it clamped down and I went all numb? Does that sound familiar?

Time will help, but so will counselling if you find the right person.

I'm glad you don't all think my head's about to explode anyway
I will go and see a Dr about it, even if to put my mind at rest. I can't say i'm actively holding my emotions in, but looking at it, that does appear to be what i'm doing. But I want to be involved and feel things, I just don't want them to get too much for me like they did before.

thanks for all your replies.

Sorry to resurrect this, but it's official, I am actaully dead inside. I have just watched Secret Millionaire and barely shed a tear. Just filled up a little.
Am phoning the GP in the morning. I'm trying to keep this lighthearted, but it's not right, is it?

If you feel it is not right, then it isn't right. There are many people who don't cry at TV, DCs' achievements and so on, and this isn't of itself a bad thing. But if you are naturally a crier at these sorts of things, or if you are finding yourself unable to cry in the face of deep sadness, then /i would say this is a feature of your depression, and a very awful one.

It could be, as you say, a stress management thing, a deliberate detachment to stay safe. But I wonder if it is also because you feel deeply uncomforted. We cry best when we feel the kind shoulder, or the kind ears of another.

At any rate, it is an awful flattening, deeply deadening. It sounds like somehting that might be helped by opening out to a counsellor you can trust.

Ah sweetie, sorry you are still feeling flat.
By all means talk to the GP but be prepared for them not to quite understand, or even perhaps be a bit dismissive - I hope they are not like that at all but friends' past experiences don't encourage me - I know you have been off the ADs for some time now so maybe this is just a different form of depressed (sorry! ) as I am aware that retreating from RL and feelings and people (inner detachment/deadness) can be a symptom as well.

Good luck and never worry about resurrecting - just hope we can help you!

when i was on ad's many years ago - i found that they stopped me crying but i still felt like shit - its just that there was no outside sign of it.

that doesn't help - but maybe validates some of what you are saying?

were you on effexor/venlafaxine?

I found that it numbed my emotions... even long after I stopped it. Takes a long time to come back... but I can cry at stuff now.
threadie's 'flatness' is close approximation.

I've had a similar thing myself. I went through a really bad couple of years (and it still hasnt stopped) and for ages it was like i was on autopilot and i couldn't let myself feel anything or get to involved with anyone.
I think it can sometimes be a sort of survival strategy - your brain just shuts down your emotions to enable you to cope with unthinkable situations.
When i told my HV the huge list of things that were going on (repeated miscarriages, high risk pregnancy, premature birth, developing a serious kidney condition in pregnancy and to top it all off, my mother coming off her biploar meds), i was immediately referred to my GP and then put on AD's and am now having psychotherapy.
The numb stage lasted a long time, but i'm coming out of it now, although i sometimes think the numb stage is easier.
Anyway, i didnt mean to ramble and hijack your thread, just to tell you that you are not alone in feeling like this.

ush dont tel onde but ut I amosdt did, ump on trhorat stiff the only the day) tak to me op I am sipposed to be yes, but o talk to me Nx

naswm, you ok?

Huge apologies to the OP.

Trinity thansk for posting. I didnt know about this. DutchOma has just alerted me to it. I cant keep doing this any more. I am emailing MNHQ now to remove myself. I didnt know that it was possible for me to sign in when drunk. That is too dangerous. Love to you Trinity and all the rhinos. Nx

are you leaving completely?
please dont naswm
its ok
I just worried about you