Anxiety & fear - do you ever get over this?

[Dazy]

I've always been a worrier but over the years I've just got worse & worse. I now have full scale anxiety and constantly fear that everything is about to come crashing down. Rather than counting my many blessing, I just see how much I have to lose.

A couple of year's ago it got to crisis point (PND & reaction to minipill I think) & I went on ADs. They numbed everything for a while but I didn't want to stay on them for long.

Anyway, I'm now just struggling on again. I really just wanted to hear from anyone else that's been through this. DO you ever get over it? Can you really change to be a person who doesn't constantly worry? How can I stop myself wasting my whole life like this?

My dcs are only little and I spend ages every day either worrying that when (as it inevitively will) something goes really wrong in life, I'll crack up & so ruin their lives or worrying that by the time they get to be teenagers that'll just be soooo worrying for me (drugs, pregnancy, muggings etcc) that I'll just crack up anyway.

Is it possible to ever change?

No worriers in tonight?

Hi dazy sorry you're feeling anxious all the time.
I guess each persons experience is individual to them but I don't feel anxious about the future,my anxiety was following some traumatic events and it affected my everyday life making things that would usually be easy for me into really stressful events or just general feelings of fear.
There were a lot of things i couldn't think about as they made the fear worse,or places i couldn't go to etc as they brought back memories of what had happened.
In my view anxiety can be part of depression and as the depression lifts the anxiety can fade away.

Things that can help are;
trying to reduce the daily stress such as sharing the care of young children,finding time to rest and relax,being outside and walking,talking problems or fears thru with trusted friend or counsellor,anti depressants if indicated,avoiding coffee[yeah right!] and alcohol,finding out more information from books,websites etc and mning!

I think you definitely can get over it tho it might take a little while especially if you have young children as i'm sure its built into us so much to be responsible its pretty usual to be anxious then imo!

btw do you spend a lot of time on your own~those scenarios we all get sometimes about car crashes,brain tumours etc aren't so easy to drift into if you get out and about to toddler groups etc and chat to other mums

dazy?
hope you are ok

Thanks for your replies morningsun.

There are particular fears that I've had ages which used to sort of well up for a few days when I would get really panicky but then I'd get over it & get on with things. That would only happen a couple of times a year but now I seem to be carrying fear at the back of my mind all the time. & I come up with new things to worry about all the time.

I guess I feel as I've got older it's got worse and I don't know whether to expect it to just carry on getting worse (what I expect) or whether eventually I'll just get over it.

I'm not isolated, I get out lot, see other Mums etc but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. My mum doesn't even know I was on ADs and I've heard her being really critical of people having breakdowns (even her best friend) - saying they should just pull themselves together. So I don't think she'd be very understanding.

None of my friends know what I'm like, only DH & if a let on to him that I'm struggling he just keeps asking me if I'm alright all the time which gets pretty annoying. ALso, I know he gets stressed in his job but he won't talk about it as he doesn't want to worry me more...we both just tiptoe round each other mainly.

Sorry for waffling on. I'm actually not too bad at the moment stress wise. Anyway better go - DH keeps coming in & I keep have to flip the screen over to another window!

Thanks for your replies morningsun.

There are particular fears that I've had ages which used to sort of well up for a few days when I would get really panicky but then I'd get over it & get on with things. That would only happen a couple of times a year but now I seem to be carrying fear at the back of my mind all the time. & I come up with new things to worry about all the time.

I guess I feel as I've got older it's got worse and I don't know whether to expect it to just carry on getting worse (what I expect) or whether eventually I'll just get over it.

I'm not isolated, I get out lot, see other Mums etc but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. My mum doesn't even know I was on ADs and I've heard her being really critical of people having breakdowns (even her best friend) - saying they should just pull themselves together. So I don't think she'd be very understanding.

None of my friends know what I'm like, only DH & if a let on to him that I'm struggling he just keeps asking me if I'm alright all the time which gets pretty annoying. ALso, I know he gets stressed in his job but he won't talk about it as he doesn't want to worry me more...we both just tiptoe round each other mainly.

Sorry for waffling on. I'm actually not too bad at the moment stress wise. Anyway better go - DH keeps coming in & I keep have to flip the screen over to another window!

Aghh.. DH came in again & I posted twice!

Hi Dazy, I am another worrier. Also I don't think people would know how bad I am, I have had comments about how calm I am which couldn't be further from the truth!

Sorry to hear that you have been struggling with this lately, do you find you have good spells then go back to it? That seems to be how it works with me, I was very unwell with anxiety when I was pregant then after having a very poorly DD felt justified iyswim so it carried on for some months and now comes and goes. I actually find that just knowing that it comes and goes helps me as I am getting better at recognising what is real and what is me feeling bad again.

I find that talking to other mums helps, in fact I was talking to a couple of mums who I don't know at all on saturday at a kids party. One was saying about how worrying it can be having children, all the things you become aware of. I was saying yes I worry too and have to tell myself that worrying doesn't provide protection, other wise I just obsess over all the things that are out of my control. Another mum agreed that it takes a lot of getting used to. Sorry for waffling, what I am trying to say is that I think that even mums who appear really calm and relaxed can be terrified underneath it. So if you spoke to the other mums you know I think you may be surprised and that at least some will feel similar things.

As for your mum, you know that it the "pull yoursef together" school of thought is wrong, its a shame you can't talk to her. I have the opposite with my parents in that they are too aware of this sort of thing so I don't want to worry them especially as my mum is worse than me!

Thanks for your comments, used2bthin. You're right in that the worst worrying comes & goes. Usually it's when something goes wrong (or almost does) & that sets me off onto what might have happened & everything that's still let to go wrong in the future...

I think I'd find it difficult to talk to other Mum's as most things I fear are pretty irrational. It would sound pathetic if I actually said it.

I just waste so much time on this. When I think of the next 10 years, I just don't see how I could live in fear for that long but then not to means changing & I don't see how to do that either.

That's why I'd like to think that some people do change. Would give me some hope!

You are welcome, I will be watching this thread too in the hope that people come and say how they got over this! I am exactly the same, as in I am ok for a bit (almost rational at times then something will happen to rock the boat and I will be bad again for a bit,never (touch wood) to the extent that I was though.

I know what you mean about wasting time too, its so draining and actually all I want to do is enjoy my DD being little, not obsess over the things that could be. I often look at people and think, how is it that they are not obsessed with all this too?

I am far worse at night for some reason which makes it easier in some ways but harder in others.

Anyway, hope you get some answers with this thread, I am sure it must be possible to get better, I certainly am far better than I was, it is possibly like a lot of issues like this in that it is a case of learning to live with some of it. When I had a similar thread to this a while back lots of people suggested cognitive behavioural therapy. I haven't tried it but have heard it can be successful.

I know there's some CBT websites. I did look at one once but you were meant to be referred by your GP. That makes it all a bit official. I still trying to pretend I'm all OK!

I wonder if there are any DIY CBT books? Anyway, I'm off to worry about whether all the doors / windows are locked, that we'll get broken into over night, that we won't be insured for some reason, identity theft will then nick all our money, the house will be repossessed and we'll end up in a manky bedsit.....

Bed by about midnight!

aw dazy hope ur ok
i worry like this its called catasthosising(sp) where you make situations out to be huge when in reality 99% of the time the fear is unfounded
i did an online cbt thing and it helped a little ,i think you do need to talk to someone about it bottling it up will make it worse.

Hi candyfluff. Did you do the CBT thing for yourself or did you have to get referred?

I didn't realise there was a proper name for when I build things up into a disaster scenario. Now I feel like a real textbook case, lol.

Did the CBT help? Do you worry less? Is it something you have to keep up with? I'm not really sure what it involves.

Anyway, off to snaffle some of the Easter chocs....