bad day - need to ask how benefits work if you are out of work due to stress/depression

[regularlyoverwhelmed]

I am having (another) awful day at work today...and am not dealing with it well. I have loads to do, shit is hitting the fan all around me and I just can't do any of it. I just sit and stare at my screen, come on here and look randomly at threads, sit in the loo wanting to cry, go out and wander aimlessly around the shops at lunch time. I had to walk out of a meeting this morning as one of the directors was so patronising to me (it is his [horrible] way) and I just felt I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. I have a very important spreadsheet to update before we review it again tomorrow but I just can't bring myself to do it. My managers don't manage, they seem to expect me to do it all myself but then blame me (not in so many words but I feel it) when things go wrong. I hate it. I've been on steadily increasing ADs over the past two years and am working hard to try to keep myself balanced but this place just throws me out of kilter. I don't want to get another job in the same industry as it is all like this. I just want a break, and not to have to feel like this all the time. For the first time in my 20 year working life I just want someone to tell me I don't have to do it anymore. Have never been on benefits but am wondering what I would be entitled to if I had to give this job up due to stress/depression? does anyone know?

i think you need firstly, to go and get yourself signed off work, sick.

Then look at your options. If you just leave a job there will be a time say 8 weks or soemthing, whereby you won't get any money, becuase you gave up work.

You need to prioritise this. First port of call the gp. Then you need to make an appointment with the nearest Job centre, to see where you stand.

i have a big meeting with a client tomorrow though, I can't just leave them in it as it is likely to be quite confrontational (I suppose I am anxious about this too)

aaarrrgggh
I can't do this anymore

can you talk to someone in HR/occ health?

I think there is a disability benefit paid for people off work (longer term) with depression.

I got signed off work with depression a year ago - then lost my job. You are entitled to incapacity benefit or the equivalent (it has all just changed). After I think 6 months you have to go and see a dr on behalf of the dss who confirms if you should be off sick. What you are describing is how i felt - you need to go and see your gp - don't just give up work.

thanks people - missed my DD1s parent teacher meeting as I totally forgot about it while trying to stay late at work to make up for the time spent staring at screen all afternoon - just stared at screen some more and then felt hideous when realised had missed the meeting (luckily DH was there - I was due tomeet him there)- finally got home and broke down in front of the kids - hideous

DH reckons I am being bullied but I don't know - it is very insidious if it is that and there is no way I could accuse anyone of it, it'd be too much to bear

no HR dept - we are a tiny company of only 20 people

I called the GP but the dr I normally see who knows me and my history of depression won't be in til Wednesday _ so I will go in to work tomorrow at least, deal with horrid client and then go to doc on weds I guess

jtsqueak - does this really sound familiar to you? I just feel like such a failure, so confused and so crap! I also feel I am "giving in to" the depression in some way...god, it's exhausting

am at work today, I didn't allow myself to think about it in advance, just got out of bed and ran for bus (never get to see kids in the morning) feeling

Hi -I had had a few issues like driving somewhere but then forgetting where I was going. Really forgetful, not focusing on what I was doing etc etc. Anyway had a few issues with work and went to the gp and apparently had probably been depressed a while but not picked up on. Was very good at pretending everything ok. I even got to the point where I didn't brush my hair for 6 months - then had to have it cut (the shame) - hairdressers were great though. You need to go to gp on Wednesday and at least then for a while you will only have your family to focus on instead of everything. Don't just leave though as you are ill. If you need anyone to vent at or talk to - just give me a shout. hope that helps

thanks jrsqueak - that does sound familiar - funny thing is I can focus on certain things, but others, especially at work, I find horrendously difficult and end up staring at nothing for hours - I don't think I even think sometimes...I am so tired all the time, forgetting DD's parent-teacher meeting yesterday really panicked me - is so unlike me

I feel it is all falling apart right now and I am so tired of trying to keep it all together. awful thing is dh is under threat of redundancy at work and so really bad time for me to leave my job but i just don't see me ever being able to hack it again (or want to - it's an unpleasant place to work really - there are systemic failures that staff get blamed for again and again and I am so tired of it)

anyway, thanks for the offer of ranting at you (are you sure?!)

ooops, you didn't actually say "rant at" did you? thanks tho'

Its fine - I have ranted on mn at any mn'ers who would listen lol. You don't have to leave work - just go sick for now. What is works policy on sick pay etc.
It has helped me not being in work as ~I was bread winner and was a manager of a shop. For me I did feel I had to work and sometimes it was good but I lost my job cos I started working on auto pilot etc.
ps rant away - I can always rant back!! lol

if your problems are quite long term you might be eligible for DLA, whether you work or not - it's not means tested

sunshine - is that right. I have been signed off sick from october 07 and am signed off till at least dec this year. I didn't know about dla

yes, I am doing that - working on auto-pilot. It doesn't help that I am not very interested in what I do, and not well suited to it really. So years and years of doing these kind of jobs seem finally to be taking their toll. I keep telling myself not to be so pathetic, just to go in and get to it, that they are paying me to do a job properly and that's what I need to do, but then I get there and sink into a fug of demotivation, indecision, apathy and screen staring. Heap onto that a load of bad management, miscommunication and patronisation by the MD who talks about what I do as "merely paper shuffling" and I just want to cry. Then every couple of weeks the shit hits the fan about some aspect of the company and I feel it's my fault cos I haven't been focussng and I feel doubly hideous. Bah. Why can't I just pull myself together there?

thanks sunshine (yes, sunshine, that's what I need more of!)

I have decided to work from home today (so better get back to that damn spreadsheet that I hate so much - how can you hate an inanimate piece of info managing software the way I hate that spreadsheet?) to give myself a break from the people there at least. Have appointment with dr for 7pm but not really sure what I can tell him : "I'm crap at work" - what's it to him. I don't really want to be signed off sick as it is a small company and that would hit them hard - also the idea that they'd be discussing me in my absense rankles...

oh, I dunno...

god JR - that is a long time to be signed off - hope you are coping well. Do you feel it has helped you?

I think it depends what sort of care (and poss. mobility needs) arise from your mental health condition - it can't hurt to claim, if you have a condition that is fairly chronic and/or likely to recur

things like, can you make a proper meal when your mood is very low? can you get up in the morning without someone prompting you? are you too anxious to go out on your own? that sort of thing

read more here

i get dla for depression and i work - make sure if you apply you give as much details as you can in the answers on the form

sorry to hear you feel so bad - i'm in a similar position but thankfully i only work 2 days a week so am just about managing at the mo

thanks you guys - am off to the dr shortly so will see what I find myself telling him...

blushing M - one thing I would love to try is going down to 2 or maybe 2.5 days a week - I currently work 4, and often extra hours at night/on day off and I know for sure it isn't good for me. But DH job is risky at Mo so reluctant to go down unless absolutely necessary. Unfortunately at the moment it is starting to feel like it might be...

I stayed home today to work as I couldn't facethe office - my boss emailed to say that was unexpected and that he had wanted to go over some stuff with me - I emailed back and just told him I needed some time away from the office and that we could communicate by email. I actually achieved quite a lot today in the end. I had never mentioned anything to them before so I wonder what is going through his mind now. He may be worried as yesterday I did tell him that he needed to have a word with the other manager who is always humiliating people, he said he knew but he didn't know what to say to him. He gave the excuse that he (the humiliator) was stretched but I said so are we all. It'll just be brushed under the carpet no doubt but I do feel better for having said something.

anyway - will go have chat with GP.

Thanks for being so suportive you lot and not making me feel I am just being self-indulgent and pathetic. Which is waht I feel like quite a bit of the time.

Hi ROW,

Was just reading this post and was wondering how you were getting on with the whole work situation??? Did you get signed off sick??? I went through exactly the same as you with work in 2007! I was totally stressed out and even though I went to work I couldn't concentrate on anything while there! My bosses were A holes. I was working full time and trying to juggle my young family and on top of it all my husband worked away from home. I asked to reduce my hours and when this was rejected it was the straw that broke the camels back! I was signed off sick for about 4 months (not all at once had to keep going back to docs for reviews, she was brilliant with me and totally sympathetic to what I was going through!) In the end I left that job and got another with reduced hours, when I started my new job I felt really anxious, but it started to settle down after a while.

I hope things work out for you!
x x x