I want to go and curl up in a ball in a dark corner and scream

[wrinklytum]

I've had enough of it all.

DP has been really ill over last 2 years.He has a chronic condition and it appears to be getting worse.

He is propped up with high dose steroids and added to this loads of other meds.He is acutely breathless on the slightest exertion and has had 8 nebulisers today.

We went to gp earlier as he is developing another infection and has more ab.He is getting very depressed,and is alternately angry or tearful.The GP has asked to see us both tommorow morning as dp consultant has rung him and asked him to "have a word" with us???

I feel that there is only so long he can be kept "propped up" with his steroids and am beginning to feel we are losing the battle.Maybe it is my overactive imagination but I am wondering what GP is going to say.

Tonight ds asked if daddy was going to die??

dd is unaware as she has special needs and is non verbal.

We have lots of prof help for her but life is one long round of hospital appointments with either dp or dd.

I am trying to keep it all together but I just want to curl in a ball and make it all go away

I have absolutely no advice...
But I'm here to listen if that helps at all?

No wonder you feel at breaking point - you have so much to deal with.

You sound like you are under tremendous strain and there is only so much even the best of us can take before we start to buckle under it all.

It does sound like you have been dealing with a lot for a very long time - you must be a very strong person.

More doctor appointments are probably the last thing you want, but could you tell your GP about how you are feeling as well?

I hope all went well with the consultant today.

Thanks for your replies..

The good news is that I asked very bluntly if we were turning the corner for worse or better.The doc said that if he was going to die he would have done within the first year of the illness,so we are just experiencing a temporary setback (We hope).DP has agreed to try ADS and has been given sertraline.He is still very weepy and alternating between anger and tears,but he does realise it can take a while for the ads to kick in.

Thanks for letting me rant.I think a lot of it is emotional exhaustion.I feel like I could sleep for a week if given the opportunity!

I'm sending you huge hugs. x x x