How do I know if I have PND?

[LuluLulabelle]

I really don't know where to start. I had a traumatic birth 8 weeks ago. DD was born healthy but I was in labour for days, felt ignored by midwives and ended up with a third degree tear from a forceps delivery.

I left hospital exhausted and unable to cope with the shock of having a newborn. The drugs the hospital sent me home with made me anxious but I didn't know that until my mum looked up the side effects. I cried a lot but put it down to baby blues. The hospital and midwives put lots of pressure on me to BF but didn't really give me the skills so I cried lots when I had problems with DD latching and found it painful to sit and feed her.

DH was great but after a couple of weeks the sleep deprivation got to us both and we started arguing over everything. I ended up staying at my mums for about 6 weeks (2 weeks with DH and the other 4 with him visiting midweek and weekends).

I came home on Sunday and just can't face leaving the house. I made the excuse on Monday that DD and I needed to settle in and then last night she woke every hour from midnight - not really for anything, occassionally a feed, or change. I am exhausted today and DH has taken the day off to care for DD while I sleep.

Only when they aren't here I panic about where they are, is she safe and if I sleep I have nightmares that I have squashed her in bed with me and wake up thinking that I've fallen asleep feeding her and move the covers to find her.

I feel so ill and so lost and I haven't stopped crying all day. DH is so worried now that he has said he will quit his job to look after me but in this economic climate its not sensible and I wanted to BF for a year and that wouldn't be possible if I had to go back to work early because he couldn't find work again.

I keep telling him and my family that I feel like I can't cope but they just tell me I am and that I am doing a great job. I tell them that I feel like I can't look after her but they say I am a great mum. I feel like they're not hearing what I am telling them.

Its been two months now so I am sure its not baby blues anymore. I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I don't know what to do.

Is it PND?

Oh Lulu, I really feel for you and can empathise as having my first sounded much the same.

The bad labour, lack of sleep and problems with b/f are all things that can affect your emotions in a big way. But if you feel that things are not getting better then I would definitely suggest you speak to your doctor.

I had p/n depression after all four of mine but didn't realise what it actually was until dd3... But was so glad that I went to see about it and realise that I wasn't actually a terrible mother or a complete loon (well, actually scrap that last part!)

Your dh sounds lovely to be willing to give up work to help you. You do obviously have very good support but perhaps you do just need that little bit extra help to get over this temporary difficult period. x

You can take a test called the Edinburgh Scale. If you google it, you should find it.

The Q's on it are a bit annoying but it can give you a good idea on how you are feeling, how much of it is anxiety or depression and then whether yuo really need to get some extra help and support. (Which sounds like you need anyway)

Sounds like you've had a tough time and it's never easy with a newborn. Come on MN to vent whenever you like... It helped me loads and loads of peopel have had similar experiences. X

Thanks for your replies. I did the Edinburgh scale test (thanks WowOoo) and it says depression likely. I have agreed to see my GP and to try and to get out and meet other mums.

MN has been a great help, wish I'd found it sooner!