PND or just tired?

[purpleflower]

I have a DS who is 2.5 and a DD who is 24 weeks.

DD has never really slept, always up a minimum of 3 times a night. She is breastfed but recently DP has started giving her a bottle if he remembers during the night, possibly once or twice a week. DS was an absolute nightmare when DD was a few weeks old but we have gotten through that and he is much better behaved now and adores his sister.

I just feel like I can't do it anymore. DD is a very easy baby apart from the sleeping and DS is just a normal 2.5 year old. I know I should be able to cope but I can't. The house is a dump but I just don't have the motivation or drive to do anything about it, yet I hate living in a mess. I'm constantly picking fights with DP and I'm even getting to the point where I really don't want him here, theres no real reason I just want to be by myself. I cry for no reason and even when I can sleep I struggle but the next morning when DS gets up I'm like a zombie. I know it's not good for him.

Does this sound like PND or just plain old tiredness?

To me it sounds as if it could be a bit more than tiredness. Lack of sleep does do terrible things to you, but you shouldn't have to be feeling like this.

I would recommend going to your doctors because it's worth getting checked out and also ask for blood tests to check your thryoid function and for iron defficiency.

Thank you for replying RaspberryBlower, I think I'm just worried a doctor would just tell me it's tiredness and leave me to it. I'm not the most confident person at the best of times and it's worse at the moment.

Your poor thing - you are having a hard time aren't you? and while it is true a lot of what you dexcribe can be due to tiredness it does sound rather more than that at the moment.

Go an see your GP and get those blood tests done - and as odd as it may seem get out and about in the daytime.

This is also a classic time of year for the glooms due to lack of sunshine etc so going for a stagger round the block may well do your mental healht and energy levels the world of good - much more so than tidying up!

Good luck

Thank you Gagarin

I do try and get out everyday as otherwise DS is climbing the walls. I don't always manage it though.

What do I say to the doctor then? I really am no good with this sort of thing I find it hard to admit I am struggling, tbh this is the first time since I started to feel like this that I have to anyone but myself.

I don't want to be made to feel like anymore of a failure than I already am by doing or saying the wrong thing.

Not going to give you any answers but I'm in a very similar place to you. DD is 3yo next week and DS is 15 weeks. DS is awake every 2-3 hours at night and is difficult to resettle. He also doesn't nap for longer then 40 mins in the day, if he naps at all....generally I have to take him out in the pushchair or car. DD is slowly improving but was awful the 1st couple of months after her brother was born.

I feel as you do and, like you, not sure whether it's PND or chronic tiredness. I read up on the symptoms of PND and can relate to some them but then I worry that I'm 'talking' myself into it.

Having read your post and the responses so far, I think I will go to my GP and I think you should too. Sorry I can't be more helpful but am sending you and want to tell you YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. I believe it takes more strength to admit you are not finding things easy.

Smurfette. I'm sorry you are feeling the same but it is reasuring too.

Thank you for telling me that I am not a failure, but that is exactly how I feel at the moment. I just feel like everyone else can manage with 2 but I can't.

I know what you mean about looking up the symptoms, I have done the same which is why I thought I would ask here before going to the doctors and making a fool of myself.

I hope you get it sorted and feel better soon

Thank you

Sometimes I look at other mums who seem to be coping with 2/3/4 kids and I feel inadequate. I wonder why I can't be a perfect wife/mother/housekeeper and still have time to straighten my hair, put on lippy and chuck some cakes in the oven! But my guess is that these 'perfect' women have gone through the same as we are at some point and have days where they seem to get nothing done and want to scream. They just hide it well.

Please don't be embarrassed about seeing your GP. They should understand and be sympathetic (and if they're not then they're a heartless git who needs a new profession and you should see someone else!!!).

Hopefully someone else will post to offer you some reassurance that it's ok not to be supermum and to need some help too

I'm trying to pluck up the courage to make an appointment. I'm just a bit scared as it will make it real that I'm finding it hard. At the moment I can pretend that I didn't post this and carry on as normaland no one will know that I can't do it.

You both sound extremely tired and run down. When we are over tired it's easy to let things slip and pick fights with those closest to us, normally because they're not helping out as much as we'd like. You both souns like you could use some help perhaps from family or friends to give you a break??

I suffered PND after my first dc and am pretty sure I have it again, got Dr's tomorrow. Everyone sufferes differently and think it's always worth a visit to your GP even if just for a chat.

Sorry you are both feeling this way.

Purpleflower - having been through this myself (and come out the other end) I know exactly how you feel. I wasn't good at asking for help and I know what you mean about 'making it real'.

I can tell you that when I went to the GP I actually felt immense relief because I suddenly realised I had options for dealing with it and I felt back in control. My GP was very good and supportive as was the HV.

It's very common, so you just tell them what you've told us.

There is a questionaire you can do for post natal depression called the Edinburgh Scale. It might help you to see if your symptoms might be PND. As I said before as well, there as also other possible causes of a low mood and that horrible feeling that even your bones are tired such as an underactive thyroid (very commonly triggered by pregnancy) and this is easily treated, so you should go get checked out.

As for hair straightening Smurfette - if I manage to wash my face I think I'm doing well! And I've only got one baby.

I've just done that questionnaire and come out with 21/30.

I'm going to sit down with DP tonight and have a chat and I will make a GP appointment tomorrow. He is blaming himself and his work for our problems It's because I told him yesterday that if things carried on this way he would beed to find somewhere else to live He is going to give his notice in tomorrow and start a new job with much better hours but less money. At the moment he works from 7am to 7pm. He isn't home yet, normally he doesn't see the children during the week.

Hopefully I will be able to try and sort myself out from now. I actually feel better now that I know that something isn't right. I'm still very nervous about it but I can't carry on like this.

Thank you.

That's what I meant about feeling relieved once you admit it to yourself, and you can hopefully get some help and think of ways to deal with it.

You will be OK. Let us know how you get on if you want to.

Hand in his notice? Is the new job secure and agreed?

If he hasn't got anything definite to go to that could be a bit rash? Esp if pnd is the problem - not his working hours?

Just a thought. It wouldn't be great for him to hand in his notice and you all end up in a worse state due to unemployment

Good luck with the GP

His work is horrible. They walk all over DP and he hates it. I really don't think it's helping things at the moment. He has wanted to leave for a while and one of his friends has offered him a job, it's less money but much better hours so he can at least see the DC and he will be happier. It's not such a high pressure job and it's something he really enjoys. Hopefully it will be a good move for all of us.

I didn't manage to speak to him last night about it but I am planning to phone the doctors in a bit to get an appointment.

Good luck with your GP.

As long as money worries don't put more pressure on, it sounds as if changing jobs is a good thing for you all.

Thank you Smurfette15

I have an appointment for tomorrow at 4.30 and I spoke to DP on the phone earlier. He is going to ask his boss for better hours instead of leaving but if he doesn't agree he will take the job with his friend. He is also going to try and take a half day tomorrow so he can have the DCs when I go to the GP.

Have you made an appointment yet Smurfette15?

No

The HV is coming tomorrow morning so I will have a chat with her.

Smurfette - step away from the jay cloths!

I'm glad you've both decided to speak to someone - well done. Good luck tomorrow.

I hope things went ok with your HV yesterday smurfette.

The GP agreed it sounds like I have PND. I am on Anti depressants and I have to go and get some bloods done as she said i look quite pale. I asked for them to check my thyroid too. She is contacting the HV to try and sort out something like the local Surestart creche and things like that.

Hopefully this is the start of feeling better

Glad to hear this purpleflower. (Not, obviously that you hav PND, but you know what I mean!)

So glad you are getting things sorted purpleflower. It sounds like you have a good GP. Well done for taking that 1st step!

HV was very helpful and we had a long chat. She thinks I may have PND too so I will go to my GP.