So so so angry............at such a lack of practical help for my mum

[techpep]

My mum has borderline personality disorder and can be fine at times, but when she's down it's really difficult. The last time it happened i sat with her and tried to talk to her but it got worse (she wanted to self harm/she wanted me to leave/she wanted me to stay etc, this went on for about 2 hours so i decided to get an emergency appointment at the doctors. When we arrived it was the busiest i've ever seen it, and after waiting for 45 minutes my mum was in a complete state and after explaining to the receptionist (and not being offered a solution) we left. The next place to try was the drop-in centre that she attends, when we arrived were told that her CPN was on holiday but they would send someone else to see her. A lady came out and we were taken to a room. Mum explained how she was feeling, and the only response we got was "what do you think you could do to help the situation?" Mum: Kill myself CPN: do you think you could watch a film? Mum: No. This went on for around 20 minutes. Then i explained to the CPN that i had to collect my children from school and was there anyone that would be able to sit with my mum or somewhere i could take her until she had calmed down to which there was no answer. We left, i took mum home, and had to leave her alone for the whole night as i can't have her around my dc when she is bad because she doesn't think about what she says around them.

have you tried phoning NHS Direct/24 during evenings or weekends? they can advise on mental health issues. NHS 24 (Scotland)has 'breathing space' which is an service for patients to talk confidentially about their issues... i'm not sure if NHS Direct has something similar.

This is something i think my mum has. havent spoken to mine for 8yrs though as she has had no actua diagnosis.
I really feel for you, its something that is not widely understood and the support in most places is pretty dire.

If you think she is at risk of significant harm from herslf, theres always the sectioning option. not pleasant i know but maybe a way to get her the urgent help and support she needs?

She has stayed in hospital previously, before there was a dx but the care was dire. She was literally drugged up, and i also couldn't understand the rule that stated that if you attempted suicide whilst in hospital you would be thrown out . Its just unbelievably difficult to deal with as a family member, and would be great if anyone cld tell me of any support groups for families of people with mental health problems so i could maybe learn some tricks to deal with it better.
sudentmadwife What symptoms does your mum have? It can be difficult to dx and often gets confused with bi-polar.

techpep I read this thread with such empathy for you. I have BPD. I am sorry your dm is no getting the help she deserves. I am not aware of any support orgnaisations, sorry. Is there someone at the local community mental health team you could approach for advice? If I can help answering other questions, please ask

Thanx naswm. O.k heres a question. Dm called this evening knowing that i am at home on my own with dc (who were asleep in bed) she was feeling down and the suicidal talk started. As i said before i cant have my children around her when she is like that (even though i feel hugely guilty). What do i say to her? I feel so useless when she is talking so much and there is just silence from my end.

your dm does sound low atm, i am sorry for her, and you. The difference with me is that I dont share how i am feeling, I dont tell my dh nor dm nor anyone else. So they dont know.

I wonder if she doenst actually need you to say antyhing, other than to hear her? so silince is ok? Mabe just repeat a few thins back to her 'so are you saying you feel so bad you want to do x or y'? And 'is there antyin I coudl do that you think might change how you feel abotu that right now'?

I am sorry for botyh of you xx

Thankyou naswm. I know BPD must be horrendous for the individual. I just wish there was more understanding and help available. Also, my mum has been dx with BPD whilst on medication for depression, do you know if this is normal procedure? I just wonder if the medication is affecting her personality how can they tell?

ime the medicaion can affect the personality. It soudns like her dx is recent then? Are you sure it is accurate? You sound like a caring daughter, I am sorry you have this to deal wtih. sorry for all of you

I am going tyo bed now. CAT me if you wish techpep. I woud llike to help if i can. cant sit up any longer, sorry. xxx

I suffer from Bpd, it is hard as there isn't the support out there for this. I use a website for support, you might find it useful for support for yourself and they may be able to offer you help and advice.
here it is

techpep in response to your question-
black and white thinking-like somethings nice or nasty, good or bad, but nothing inbetween.
I left home at 15, if i havent i dont think in all honesty id be here to tell the tale.
she was very violent, you could be talking sensibly one minute and the next her eyes would "go" and shed be flinging cutlrey/plates/anything in reach across the room. she talked to herself of an evening. i would go to bed and she would wake me up at like 2/3am ransacking my room, drag me out of bed and beat me shitless, turn around and go back to bed herself. she found it very very hard to maintain friendships/relationships/jobs. her thinking was completely skewed-she thought it was perfectly reasonable to leave me "home alone" for 2 weeks at age 10 whilst she went on holiday with work.
she often misunderstood other peoples humor. she hid money in bizarre places around the house, she once took me shoping for an outfit for my birthday and spent £350 on a suit for herslf(that she had no where to wear) she would give me birthday/xmas presents, then take them back again. when i went into care, she would phone me- 11pm/3am etc self pitying/sucicidal, my foster mum had to ban her number in the end as it got too frequent and was emotionally draining.

I bought and read a book once called- "stop walking on eggshells" and dispite reading and researching alot of psyhcology, nothing ever "fit" her behaviour, till i read this book and just sat there thinking OMG, thats her.

as i said, she hasnt had a diagnosis, but i feel she is BPD. shes never seen her grandchild and only knows of ds1 exsistance. I could just never subject my children to that.

how did your mum get her diagnosis?

one thing the book said was that getting a diagnosis was the hardest thing because they themselves need to admit and realise they have a problem.

it won't be anything new to you, but in order to try and understand a little bit of what's going on in your life, I read this MIND leaflet on BPD. It does have some organisations and suggestions at the end, but I wouldn't have thought it would be anything you haven't heard already. I'd heard the Cassel Hospital may be closed as well, which would be like life. DH has a (different) mental health problem so some of this is a bit familiar to me. Recently he went into hospital but it was so awful he came out again within 4 hours. In the past I have had good support from Rethink (google them) too.