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Friend has PND, what can I do to help?

3 replies

kayzr · 17/03/2009 18:51

A good friend has been diagnosed with PND today. Her DD is 11 weeks old and doesn't really sleep. I knew she still woke a few times in the night but had no idea how much. My friend got an hours sleep last night. She has decided to give up BF so her DP can do some night feeds. Her DP is being great and is trying to sort out a few weeks off work.

Her mum on the other hand told her that PND doesn't exist and it is a scapegoat for women who are tired and want to get out of looking after their baby. That really shocked me because I have always thought her mum is a lovely lady.

I said she can ring or come round if she needs me. Both DH and myself have said that we'll happily babysit during the day if she needs some sleep(I'm sure my 2yo and 14wo and her 11wo will be great fun). She asked if I wanted to go shopping sometime next week as she thinks she needs retail therapy!! So of course I said yes.

Is there anything else I can do?

OP posts:
coveredinsnot · 17/03/2009 21:15

You sound like a wonderful friend, and very thoughtful too. Your friend must be very tired, so I'm sure anything you can do to help will be appreciated.

Can I ask - how was she diagnosed with PND? What are her symptoms that she has that led to this diagnosis? And what treatment from the health system is she receiving?

I only ask these questions because some health professionals can be a bit keen to diagnose PND in anyone showing any signs of difficulty after having a baby.

Other things I would encourage her to do would be to reassure her that you are there to listen to her if/ when she needs to talk. Don't just concentrate on 'cheering her up' (although distraction and activity are very important if she is suffering from depression) but try to get her to talk a little about her feelings, and if you can, just listen, nothing else. Try not to offer endless solutions, or if you do, try to do this as collaboratively as possible so she doesn't feel she is being 'rescued' but has a sense of accomplishment for herself.

While decent sleep is an impossibility with a little baby, other things such as keeping active, getting fresh air, and eating a healthy diet are all very important. Try to encourage her not to resort to drinking a lot of caffeine, as in the long run this will aggravate her sleep patterns, and leave her feeling anxious (not a great thing if already depressed!).

She should be ignoring comments like those from her mother, they are not helpful. Perhaps you can concoct some amusing retorts together over a (decaf) coffee when you're out shopping next week?!

With the right support from decent friends like you, I'm sure she'll pull through this. I hope things improve for her soon.

Confuzzeled · 17/03/2009 21:30

I had PND and the friend that kept me going was the one that met me for lunch every week without fail. It was her commitment and the fact that I knew she was there that got me through.

My only advice is to offer her the chance to get out and get some fresh air whenever you can. I never wanted to be without my dd so anyone offering to look after her would have been a lovely suggestion but I would never have taken them up on it.

You sound wonderful, your friend is lucky to have you.

kayzr · 18/03/2009 08:03

Sorry I wasn't about last night, DS1 was ill.

I'm not sure if everyone does it but we have to fill in this questionnaire about how we are feeling. Well she filled it in and then started to cry. She told the HV that she was feeling dreadful and couldn't stop crying. So that is how she was diagnosed. She is on ADs and is going to a support group that is run nearby.

She does a lot of running which her GP has said will help as it means she is getting plenty of fresh air. So we're going to go for walks too.

She's popping in today so I'll let her know that if she needs someone to talk to that I'm here. She said on the phone that she didn't want to burden me.

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