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I am having nightmares again, what on earth can I do to stop them?

24 replies

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 10:52

I have started a thread on this in "Sleep" but, having thought about it, I felt this may be the more appropriate place for it!

When I was pg with my first dc I started having awful nightmares (sometimes they could even have been night-terrors I think) about things happening to my LO. At the time I thought, and was told, that this is fairly common thing in pregnancy. Each pg therafter I had more but then I started getting them inbetween pgs.

Whenever I get them it goes hand in hand with a stage where, during the day, I am jumping out of my skin with fear at every possible, percieved threat (wanting to grab my 11yo when standing at the top of the stairs talking ). I actually visualise the event, it is almost as if I zone out and see it happening (eg dd falling down the stairs in slo-mo, banging her head on the cupborad at the bottom...and so on) then I snap back to, convinced it is going to happen and I have to physically restrain myself from reacting to it.

The nightmares started again last week and yesterday I couldn't stop looking at, rubbing and holding my youngests hands (they being the focus of the nightmare the night before). I struggle to wake from them, sometimes I know they are not real and I need to wake up but can't, others I am sure I am awake. Either way when I do wake I can feel the dream sort of waiting for me and if I fall asleep I will go straight back into it. The only way out of this is to get up until the feeling has gone, usually an hour or more.

What on earth can I do? I suspect the stress and lack of sleep together with the continuous knot of fear is what is turning me into a right royal cow (on here as well as RL - sorry ) But I just don't know what to do. The last nightmare makes me want to be sick whenever it slides into my mind.

I know I have been behaving like a bitch, but please help.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 16/03/2009 11:05

are these a sort of realisation of literal anxieties?

I can only think of stress reduction in day to day life, or are you on anti-depressants? sometimes they can cause vivid dreams

CompareTheMeerkat · 16/03/2009 11:09

I get horrible nightmares from time to time - mine are anxiety based and although I can control anxiety in the day time (I take ADs and put my CBT skills into play) I think my brain goes into overdrive at nighttime.

I have dreams where I am definitely about to die and often need reassurance from DH that I am not.

I am in the process of lowering my dosage of ADs at the moment which has led to nightmares as my body adjusts.

I find really making myself go to bed early ie before 10pm, having a bath before bed adn reminding myself that if I have a dream it is NOT REAL (I remind myself before I go to sleep) seem to help a bit.

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 11:10

No, no ADs.

I don't think it is to do with waking fears as it always happens the other way round, the nightmares start and then the fears during the day start a few days or so after that.

In a way my real worry (although the nightmares and fears worry me of course) is that I can so clearly see the things happening during the day. For example, yesterday, my LO hands were affected in my nightmare and whenever I looked at her hands I could actually see the marks and cuts. I had to rub the marks to make the image go away so my brain knew they were not really there.

OP posts:
morningsun · 16/03/2009 11:28

Kingcanute Hi
are you quite sensitive to things around you,have a vivid imagination and are you stressed either now,day to day,or from an unpleasant event health or accident wise with your dcs like premature birth or apnoeic attacks or something?

I think this is worrying and your fears and imagination are too much to the fore and you need to reign them in.

Stop thinking about accidents happeneing to your dcs.

IF an accident does happen you think
1,accidents happen,its normal and your job as a parent is to not panic,check they are ok and ring gp,take to a&e or if unconscious etc,ring999.
2.its got nothing to do with your dreams or worries.

We all worry about our dcs and this can get out of hand if they have been very ill at some point,had a nasty accident,we don't have enough support,we spend too much time alone etc.

So stop letting your imagination run away with you and make a simple plan for action in the event of accident/illness.

Also confide in someone your fears have been getting out of control.
Also go to gp of this is part of general anxiety or relates to a traumatic accident from the pastetc.

You really need to stick with reality now as you are getting so carried away,you might go to pieces if there actually was a real accident.

Remember accidents are common,they are usually not serious and if they are the doctors will help you so don't over anticipate them.
may be barking up the wrong tree here but hth

morningsun · 16/03/2009 11:32

btw my ds had a horrible accident once and when i looked at him over the next few days,i "saw" him as he was at the time of the accident iykwim,so i'm coming at this from bitter experience,believe me.

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 11:43

Thanks MS none of my dcs have ever been in an accident, I don't warp them up in cotton wool (I drive them to their dangerous sports etc!) It is not actually fear of accident. I am certain of that. In my dreams it is always someone physically doing these things to my dc not an accident. There is an aggressor, one I cannot stop.

I now feel like I am going to be sick so please excuse me if I dissappear. Nefore you ask there is someone in their life that I view as a threat s I suppose it is just my fears coming through there (although the threat has not always been there so I don't know how or why the dreams started.)

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 11:48

That was supposed to go;

Thanks MS , none of...

So it sounded grateful rather than dismissive - because I am, very, grateful for you thoughts!

OP posts:
morningsun · 16/03/2009 11:49

Oh I see.
Well i had bad dreams once when i had an extremely busy work schedule involving day/night for several days but i didn't think they were real in the daytime~just woke up making this weird scream!!
Are you under stress at all?
Also i have bad dreams at the start of illnesses and when pregnant.

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 11:59

MS, I am under one constant stress that is never going to change, recently there was a occurance that bought it all back to a head and underlined how tenuous the whole house of cards is.

I suppose it is a simple answer really.

I need them to stop though, I am living with fear knotted in my chest so hard I can hardly breath. I am so close to tears the whole time that breathing in without the right level of control brings a sob on the way out. I have had so little sleep that I feel like a zombie and the sleep I have had is filled with the nightmares. Nice days out with the kids are ruined (for me) by constantly having to battle my fears. I feel like I am coming apart at the seams.

OP posts:
morningsun · 16/03/2009 12:05

sorry xposts before
yes i can sense that fear
can i ask is the threat or fear from something long ago that can't be altered[tho your take on it could maybe be altered]
or from a fear or threat that is in your life now,like a person

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 12:08

Current, Present and not leaving. Nothing I can do about that. The difficulty is that I just cannot balance the fear. At times I think I have it under control then at others I feel like running away (and I have been asked many times why I havn't), thenm something happens and I am back to crawling into a corner and waiting for the world to go away.

OP posts:
morningsun · 16/03/2009 12:15

"Nothing i can do about that"
is that really true?

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 12:20

Yup. Unless I want to be locked up of course. But that wouldn't help anyone!

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KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 12:21

Sorry, that sounds flipant.

No, I cannot change it, I have tried, I have used the courts and police to their full. Caffcass, SS and I are old friends. Nothing I can do though. I have to live with the fear.

OP posts:
morningsun · 16/03/2009 12:22

What about moving?
sorry if you havehad other threads i haven't seen btw

morningsun · 16/03/2009 12:22

What about moving?
sorry if you havehad other threads i haven't seen btw

morningsun · 16/03/2009 12:22

oops sorry

morningsun · 16/03/2009 12:24

oh i see
well who is supporting you in this fear,a counsellor or social worker?

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 12:25

No, no other threads. I have just been trying to come to terms with it for several years now and I am not doing a very good job it would seem (although I thought I was!)

I cannot move, that s the sort of thing that woud land me in jail, not violence (although that wuld too of course!)

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 12:28

None of the above. It is only this thread that has made me connect the dots between the nightmares and the RL fear. You see earlier I put that it was not a manifestation of real fears!

The thing is, I don't think it is something I can be counceled through, it is not going anywhere. The risk can only increase with time and the fear will get worse along with that. I already know there is nothing I can do to mitigate it at this stage. It isthe age old, until somethng happens there is nothing we can do.

OP posts:
morningsun · 16/03/2009 12:34

sorry to be thick,is this fear about you yourself or your partner or about the dcs dad or other relative/person?

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 12:35

A close relative.

OP posts:
morningsun · 16/03/2009 12:37

Ah and why could you not move away?

KingCanuteIAm · 16/03/2009 17:24

Sorry, I had to go, I will be back later.

I can't move away because the relative has rights. Also there are other considerations that make it impossible.

My head is hurting, I need to stop thinking about it for a while and try to get past it for now.

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