I have no idea what is wrong with me half the time - resentful

[pamelat]

Sometimes I even worry that I am trying to convince myself that I am depressed or anxious, whereas in reality, life might just be tough?

I have been quite an up and down type person since my teenage years. I was prescribed anti-depressants but to be honest these did not help and I dont think that they were necessary, so I stopped taking them after a couple of months. I had some counselling but the lady said that the cause of the upset was my then boyfriend, and that until I left him, I would always feel insecure.

Years down the line, I left him. I am now married to a lovely bloke, and we have a 14 month old DD. Life should be sweet.

I loved being pregnant. In fact I think I felt my happiest ever whilst pregnant. I was calm, content, felt no need to exercise in a silly way (previously I was a gym bunny to ward off depression/upset). I loved it (sickness and fainting aside).

Since DD has arrived I have struggled a bit. I dont think that part of me can fully accept how hard being a mum is.

I had a year off on maternity leave and was always quite resentful of the time DH had "to himself" at work. After the first 3 awful months (colic and reflux) I did enjoy looking after DD but found it tough. I always thought things would get easier once I was back at work.

I am back at work, 3 days a week. DH has been made redundant so he has DD. I now find that when I get home at 430pm he expects to "hand over" like I used to when he got home at 6pm ish. However once again I am resentful and have found myself staying late at work by half an hour or so (I am genuinely busy but work is just easier than home at the moment) and now I feel terrible.

I feel terrible for staying at work to avoid time with my DH and DD. I feel terrible for not being able to just play happily and do the bed time routine for 2 hours with DD once I get home (I do it but I am resentful)

I do love DD but she is very hard work. She is always termed "high spirited" wherever we go and she is going through a bad phase of basically shouting a lot and hitting us.

I am scared about feeling resentful of the things I have to do for her, but then I wonder whether its just "normal" to feel fed up and tired?

I guess I am asking whether I actually need to seek help for mental health or whether I just need to toughen up. Does anyone else feel resentful a lot?

I feel terrible for thinking that when DH finds a job then at least I can come home alone before picking DD up from nursery and have half an hour to myself. I always used to love time alone and now I rarely get any. I know I am being unreasonable and selfish, its more addressing why I am?

don't have much by way of ideas but didn't want your post to slide down the board unanswered - you do sound unhappy, whether that's a clinical issue (depression) is not for anyone here to say but as you've previously had problems with your moods it can't hurt to see a GP and find out what they think?

I also don't have much to add really. My DS is 14 months as well and going through an "interesting phase". I have been wondering if this stage/age is hard because the reality and endlessness of the responsibility has set in - if that makes sense. My DS is no longer a baby that will be done to but has his own robust spirit, personality and determination which doesn't always coincide with what I want !! I am finding this a challenge to accept and deal with.
It might be worth you having a chat with your GP. FWIW I think everyone goes through phases of feeling this way. I know I have.

Thank you. I know that the way I feel is not as serious as the way that a lot of others feel. Its just I feel that my mood/attitude is affecting a time that should be really special.

DD was up 4 times in the night with her teeth and a cold and I went to work on about 5 hours sleep. Again, I know this is more than some people get but I am not used to it. I can say (on here) that it was a relief to get to the quiet sanctuary of work, where no matter what the pressures may be, I can deal with them.

Sometimes I compare myself to DH and find him to be the more tolerant and giving parent and I find that really sad.

Tonight though I got home from work and DD gave me a hug (she is normally too playful for affection) and stroked my hair, it made life feel better so maybe I am just a bit down in the dumps.

I saw the GP a few months ago as I was struggling with anxiety over DD. I was overly controlling about what she ate, when she slept etc. I feel that is now fixed but now its more a general lethargy I feel.

I can really relate to a lot of what you are saying - we sound quite similar. I am wondering if I am depressed and compare myself to my dp all the time. I think part of it is mourning a way of life I used to have. I crave time to myself, but miss the children when I am away from them. I have two dcs - 15 months and 4.5. I don't have any magic answers - I don't want to go on ads - have had therapy in the past and that was a lot more helpful for me. I think you are being really hard on yourself..I think I am too.

Thank you taspy. I think that I do know that I/we are too hard on ourselves.

I like to "achieve" which sounds anal and to do well and all of a sudden motherhood is something which I am not "good" at, not naturally anyway. I am selfish and crave time to myself, but like you, when I get that time I miss DD.

If it is any reassurance to you - my dd is also spirited - but spirited children are usually bright and funny and creative. I find my dd hard work - but better spirited than dull! My ds is a lot more whingey, which I find challenging - he is a lot more of a mummies boy and his clingyness is v hard to cope with.
I feel guilty that my dp does a lot more with the children at weekends, but I have learnt that I really need my space, otherwise I feel suffocated. Are you getting out with friends?

Hi taspy We are lucky as we have family nearby who are happy to babysit (which just makes me feel guilty about how rubbish I would be if they were not!) so we go out about once every 3 weeks, together. Normally I drink too many glasses of wine and feel ill the following day.

I think its because I do not drink except socially. I have no tolerance for it.

When I was pregnant I learnt to enjoy going out and not drinking. Maybe I should try that again.