I have my diagnosis.

[Nabster]

I have been suffering from a relapsing psychiatric disorder for many years. Waiting for a phonecall next week to see if I meet the threshold to get the treatment I need and which will last 1-2 years.

do you feel better having a diagnosis?

how are you feeling about it nab? treatment sounds like a long haul, but hopefully it'll come through for you and things will get better

Have just been to Asda with DH to get food for a picnic and found it really scarey. I have headache which is not caused by too much noise, I feel cold and I feel like I just want to be alone. I am scared to be happy. I couldn't laugh at something funny on the radio as I feel like if I forget everything I will have wasted so much of my life already. I am scared to get well.

The doctor told me yesterday that the person I saw in 2004 said I hadn't got over my ex and that scares me to think someone else had seen that and I thought I was just wanting the fairy tale. She said I take all the heartbreak from him, and torture myself over it, as it is what I am used too. I am not good at letting people help me as I don't feel lovable or that I deserve nice things to happen and people being nice to me.

The kids are coming back tonight and I am scared.

If I do get well I will see how much of my life has been spoilt by this and I don't think I can handle that.

oh, nab, don't think like that . i went through a really low time thinking of how much of my life i have wasted being this depressed and unhappy person, and it is definately counterproductive. instead if i feel myself thinking like that, which tends to make me slump into a depressed fug again, i try to get angry at my depression for taking over my life. it gives me the focus to not let it take control, and the confidence to know that i can be happy, and that it's ok to do that.

it's going to be tough for you though as any treatment tends to make you feel worse before it makes you feel better.

Have they told you what sort of treatment you will be having? Will you need to be an inpatient?

My mother started to get better in her mid thirties. I was 15. I was so glad she had started to do it, and now I am 35 I have a proper mum who is much more Ok than she used to be. It really is worth it for your children.

DH and I have just got back from a long walk and pinic.

If I meet the threshold to get the treatment I will have to go to hospital once a week for one hours appointment.

Sorry, picnic.

are you hoping for DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy)?

I have never heard of that and don't know what it is.

this is the first step towards real positive help and recovery. well done.

Thank you.

what is the diagnosis?

relapsing psychiatric disorder is what has been said.

I wonder why they haven;t specified? There are several different types iyswim. Depression is a psychiatric disorder, I think..?

I'm really glad you might be getitng some help. All this time you'bve been trying to sort things out on your own and it must have been such a struggle.

I don't think they know tbh. I think there is a lot going on. Another MNer said something on another thread and I think she is perfectly right and I have never heard it from anyone else, lay person or medical practictioner.

What did she say?

I hope it is okay to quote her? It is positive.

".....depression there is a lot of pain, grief and sadness - and I've often heard it said that it's linked to repressed anger too, which makes sense to me."

Oh yes was that on the SH thread? I read that post, it's very good. Makes sense to me.

Yes it was.

Nabster, part of your treatment might focus on putting the past behind you and being a stronger new person for you and your family. Good Luck with it.

I wouldn't have a clue how to do that. There are things every day which are a result of my upbringing.