Counselling - normal to get worse before you get better?

[Lindenlass]

I'm finding the counselling really, really hard work. I'm crying a lot. My counsellor says I need to cry more in the sessions but I'm dreading my next one (today) - I'm so tired of crying

Can anyone share their experiences?

Ime, yes, I did a lot of crying but it was a release in the long term.
It can be raw talking about stuff, but it gets it out. I found that it helped after a while.

Yes, this is common. My counsellor likened it to cleaning out a bucket where the dirt has settled to the bottom. You have to stir up all the muck before it gets tipped out. Another one said, you have to get through all the crying before you get better; the tears still have to come out sometime if you didn't do it at the time.

I've cried like a fiend every time I've been for counselling - used to plan to take myself for chocolate cake afterwards, as a reward. It does get better though, so hang in there.

hth

sometimes counselling picks up on painful things you have buried away rather than dealt with. The counselling helps you to deal with the stuff so that you can move on...so yes, I think it is common to feel worse before you feel better and you should stick with it if you think your counsellor is good.

If you don't rate your counsellor however this is a sign to change.

Different counsellors are better for different people.

Also it is possible that you are trying to deal with too much too fast if you feel really overwhelmed, so tell your counsellor if it is getting too much!

My counsellor is great and I really trust her. Thanks for all the responses - really helpful to know that what I'm experiencing is normal.

Have decided to start on low-dose anti-d's to help me get through this intense bit, which I didn't want to do, but need to protect my children from my pain

I've been having psycho-dynamic counselling and it hasn't been like this. What type of counselling are you having lindenlass? I am worried that maybe I should be crying more (a couple of people said I would) and maybe I should try a different approach? Fwiw, I think what you are going through is normal.

Linden, don't feel bad about taking ADs.
You are in very good company. They can help you through the therapy.

it's entirely up to you whether you cry or not - IMHO (as a counsellor) I'm not sure the counsellor should be telling you you should cry a lot.....it's usually something you either need to do as a kind of purging and getting in touch with your feelings kind of thing, or something you just don't do because it's not your way of coping etc.....there's no set limit on crying!! It's also quite normal to feel worse to begin with during counselling as you're going through deep, upsetting stuff maybe a lot of the time....but in the end, if you have a good relationship with your counsellor and feel supported and understood, you'll come out stronger and able to accept any bad experiences you've had etc ....

Do you know what type of counsellor she is?

castlesintheair do you find your counselling helpful? Are you feeling understood/ Do you get what you need from it? Research shows it's not really the counsellor's appraoch that matters it's the relationship between client and counsellor that determines whether it'll be helpful or not. Do you feel you can tell her stuff you couldn't tell anyone else?

Hi, I am having counselling at the moment (anxiety) and in my first few sessions I was upset and crying, and she said she was woried about this. also because I want to cry when i am out. Signs of depression. I have fought a battle to stay of ad's and have succeeded! But i have always known that if the crying did not resolve then I would have to think about going on them. After 5 months I can finally see through the other side!
I too am worried about you being told to cry. She should be helping you to calm and stabilise, with coping strategies and short term goals.

Oh, I always cried. Yes, feeling worse is normal because you are talking about issues that you might have buried a little in order to cope with them.

I have come through three types of counselling and the third type (CAT) seemed to help the most. I dealt with everything and it does seem done with now.

Cremeegs, yes, I do feel the counselling is working: have become more assertive and have stopped feeling guilty over toxic parents for a start! I do tell my counsellor things I wouldn't even tell DH although I still have difficulty telling her everything, but that is part of my problem. Thank you for the advice.

Just to clarify, she hasn't told me to cry in the sessions in so many words, she's said it would be more helpful for me to be discharging the emotion during my counselling sessions where it's safe and contained than to be doing it at home where the children have to be a party to it.

I had had a session end on Wednesday that left a lot of unfinished business, as it were, and I was very tearful and tense on Wed pm and Thursday and had an awful day on Thursday. Have just moved to twice-weekly sessions so had one yesterday that kind of finished off what we started on Wednesday so today I feel much more clear-headed and happy.

She's a psychoanalytic psychotherapist.

that's good linden - sometimes double sessions are good as well as it gives you time to work through everything. IME psychoanalytic psychotherapists are a bit more directive than other types - hence why she's implied it would be good to discharge emotion with her. She's certainly got a good point about it being contained within the session to some extent, though don't underestimate the fact that you will still be working through things for several days afterwards and things are bound to pop into your head at less convenient moments too, which is normal and you may develop strategies for coping with this (spotting that you're about to get upset, making a decision to put the thought to one side then deal with it when you've got more time and a bit of space on your own. Otherwise therapy can seem quite overwhelming as in order to move on and get stronger you do have to work through some painful stuff unfortunately.

Sounds like you are in good hands. Good luck with everything

castles it sounds very healthy that you've recognised you hold things back even from the counsellor as that suggests you're on the way to becoming more able to share things with her even if you can't at the moment. It sounds as if things are moving in the right direction for you.

I'm a pyschoanalytic psychotherapist and I don't think being directive is how I work or others I know. However would agree that ultimately it is the relationship between client and counsellor is the important thing regardless of training but there need to be boundaries. You do have to feel that the counsellor is someone you can work with when you start therapy so that you can then use the relationship to work on whatever you need to. The sessions also need to go at the client's pace as the work can't be forced. Unconscious feelings can be stirred up during counselling and this is an on going process both in and out of sessions. There is no right or wrong way to feel.