How friends react to your depression

[loubers]

I recently had a bout of depression that culminated in a fallout out with a friend. We are all sorted now but I have really discovered who my friends are when faced with someone with depression. I am not proud of my depression but wish people wouldn't run a mile or ignore me when faced with being told that's how I feel sometimes. Has anyone else experienced this?

Some people just don't really understand depression, and have no idea what to say or do around you.

I had a boyfriend break up with me while I was hospitalised, because he 'didn't want to be dragged down with me'. They changed my anti-depressants and I was a new person in about 72 hours. He couldn't even be bothered to wait that long.

Best you can do is point them in the direction of helpful information on depression. It isn't just 'the blues' and you can't 'just snap out of it'. This can be quite hard for someone who's never experienced it to understand.

i have gone back onto ad's after 1 year as i've been feeling really down.went to see gp who agreed i was depressed.told a friend i was going to see gp and he said 'don't tell the gp a pack of lies,theres nothing wrong with you'.didn't respond at the time but over the last couple of days its really got to me.thought him or his partner[who is also a good friend of mine]might have rang to see how i got on.at least i know who my friends are hey.
another friend in our circle suffers with depression and they can't do enough for her.it makes me feel a bit

Ruby - I can only say what I would do if one of my friends was /maybe depressed, just let them know that you are there for them no matter what, but perhaps encouarge her to talk to her midwife about her feelings . I think I had PND for some time but because I was coping on the outside, thought it was normal to feel like that after having babies. It was only when I was mopping the floor in floods of tears that I thought this isn't normal. mrstimlovejoy - you are doing the right thing for you, no-one else can tell you aren't unless they are medically qualified. I jsut wish more people understood depression and then it wouldn't be such a stigma and more accepted as an illness, whiich of course it is. Hope this makes sense!

Am reading good book at moment called Sunbathing In The Rain, author (woman) suffers from depression and there's a good section in there about how to deal with/help, whatever you want to call it, people when they are depressed. I am a depressive and always feel I'm a burden, I have what I call 'shell-time', just crawl into it (methaphorically) and don't want to come out. Depression is one big shout at us yelling that we can't go on living as we do, changes have to be made if we're to get better, I believe. I feel trapped (work, money worries) and want to run away but that isn't an option, so I stay and do what I have to do, but my soul knows it's not right for me and that's where the depression comes from.

serajen

...I feel trapped (work, money worries) and want to run away but that isn't an option, so I stay and do what I have to do, but my soul knows it's not right for me and that's where the depression comes from...

that's me too, in a friggin' nutshell...though I often think even if I was doing exactly what I wanted to (whatever that might be) I would probably be depressed too - is hard to know

to answer the OP I don't actually tell a lot of people, just about 3 close friends who I know really care about me, I just don't feel comfortable sharing it with all and sundry, although part of me feels it shouldn't be anything to hide, I think I just don't want to have folk judging me

the friends I have told are great, they never interfere and never explicitly ask about it but are always willing to talk if I want to, one pal who lives abroad phones me about every three weeks just for a chat, even though i NEVER phone her back...that means a lot to me as I know I never phone her, but she never mentions it...every time she phones though I do think to myself "damn, I had hoped to get to you first this time". I am also lucky enough to have a wonderfully supportive younger sister and a brother who suffers from bi-polar so understands what it is like. But I hate to burden them and worry about my bro' so rarely say anything to him about it

peanutbrittle, I know just what you mean, I was on holiday in the Caribbean a few years ago and still had the dreaded feeling of pointlessness, I remember crying and thinking 'if I feel like this out here, it doesn't matter where I go, it will always be with me'. I do feel my soul is shouting for me to make changes in my life, this is such a selfish illness, I isolate from people, cancel commitments and appointments, then I have days when I over-achieve and take on the world, swiftly followed by a deep plummet in mood. It's beyond sadness or feeling low, it's a desperate bleakness that descends and has you by the throat, we do know it passes, we just don't know how long each particular episode will take. I really would trade this in for a physical illness anyday.

serajen - have you ever looked at this book? I find it very useful...indeed some of us on this thread are taking on the 8 week practise...

Thanks peanutbrittle, that's one I haven't read yet, many thanks for the recommendation

I think it is a good one serajen, hopefully it may help you too...it tries to help you accept feelings(both negative and positive), and acknowledge that they will pass, and to adjust your expectations of yourself in a compassionate way...a lot of the stuff in it seems very common sensical once you've read it, but was revelatory to me...now it's just a case of remembering it...I assume the 8 week practise is designed to try to make it more of a habitual mode of being/thinking...