is there life after ADs and if so how do I fnd it?

[AutumnMists]

I was on ADs for a year after really bad depression (nearly drove of a local cliff several times). For a long time every time I tried to come off them I just got bad again but 6 weeks ago I managed to get off them without feeling too bad BUT things are now going downhll again.

I REALLY do not want to go back on them because that feels like I am a failure and also if that is the case am I going to have to take them for the rest of my life?

I cannot see a way forward; I am not doing my job properly because the smallest mistake makes me feel like a failure and then I start to feel it is not worth trying anymore - a viscious spiral downwards ....

Please try not to beat yourself up over this

If you were diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes, would you feel ambivalent about taking your insulin? Because taking it would keep you well and healthy, and alive

ADs also have a major part to play in keeping clinically depressed people well and healthy and alive

Please reconsider, or at least talk to your psychiatrist about it

6wks is a normal time to get a low after coming off AD's-all chemicals that have been there for months etc,leaving your system,you will feel different.You will have blips (I was on AD'S for a very very long time) and felt the same as you.They were my security blanket-how could I be 'normal' without them? but 4 years on-I still haven't had to go back to them.

Yes, I have bad days but they are just bad days and not being me depressed.I know that one day and maybe one day soon,I may need to start taking meds again.

If you do need to go back on them,it's not failure-it's just you needing to be better.

Totally agree with Bernard too-if you do need them-please don't see it as failure-seek help.

Thoughts.

Totally second the diabetes analogy. I am a one-a-day, chase the blues away AD taker, have been for years now and have no shame about it any more. Without my wee pill, I am a gibbering wreck, a pain in the arse, a misery to all around me. With my ADs, I function as a useful, cheerful, productive member of society. Once you start to be open with people it is amazing how many 'successful' people confess to being AD poppers too. 'Confess' is the wrong word because it implies they are doing a bad rather than a good thing. A kind Doctor once asked me to think about my work colleagues, DH and DDs and how much they would benefit if I were cheerful, reliable and helpful rather than hiding in cupboards, refusing to leave the house, spoiling family outings, etc. So now I happily take my pills for their benefit, whereas I would not take them for mine. (For I was a useless, worthless individual who deserved nothing, not even the Doctors time.) When I read your post I heard the depression talking please get back to the Doc before you get too far down to bother.

Thanks all

Makes perfect sense and I think I have realsied I am depressed and probably do need to have ADs longer term.

I don't have a physyciatrist (sp?) but maybe I will speak to my GP and try to get a referral so I have an easy contact point - my GP is good but not an expert in these things

Hi Autumnmists

Glad you've got a different perspective on things today

Please do ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. They have a much better understanding of AD treatment and other therapies, and will be able to support you more competently than the GP when you want to discuss things like stopping/switching meds etc (No disrespect to GPs of course, it's just mental health isn't their speciality)

Good luck and best wishes

Haven't plucked up the courage to see my GP yet, but have felt up and down all weekend.

Had a few days off work but that only seems to make it worse as I cannot face going back but then I have to tomorrow or else go to the GP ...
Work seem to have just completely abdicated - if I am in work they see it as if I am clearly fully fit to work and they are giving me no concessions, and worse still hauling me over the coals for any small mistake

Felt really strange this afternoon - was sitting in the car in a park and felt so bad that i dare not move in case I either walked in front of a bus or crashed the car; finally fell asleep and when I woke up was OK to come home but it has really scared me. Last time it was much more an active thing, this time I just want to disappear into oblivion so the (mental) pain will go away

Have wondered whether I can self refer to a specialist - anyone know and if so how?

((())) sorry for physical contact with stranger, but when I was low would have been lovely... Things will get better. Been on ads, came off on whim and really struggled. Still trying to keep off them...

you need to be referred via your GP unless you have had prior contact with your community mental health team who might still have you on file

I think the only self-refer sort of approach is to present at A&E in acute mental distress and ask to see the psychiatric liaison worker(s), no experience of this personally though

I've been taking them for 15 years. I've tried to come off a couple of times and each time I've got ill again.

I just don't see the point of putting myself and the family through that. It's hell when you are depressed.

So every night I take my tablets, get a good night's sleep and function perfectly well, and don't give it a second thought. I don't see myself as a failure for taking them, I just see them as something I need to do. I'd rather take them and stay as well as I have than ever go through time of work and those awful, awful feelings and emotions you get when you are depressed.

Thanks for all the support; in my rational times I know you are all right but in the dark moments it is so hard to pull myself together and see the GP.

I know I must tho because the side effects may last for a while and I have an important project starting early April (which I am looking forward to). Had hoped work OH might sort something for me (take the decision out of my hands) but they are dragging their feet and nothing will happen til next week at the earliest - wish they understood I may not get that far