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Confidentiality and how far does it go?

34 replies

Nabster · 10/03/2009 18:27

I have my appointment on Friday and I am wondering what I can say before they will wonder about taking my kids from me?

I seriously need help, I would never hurt my kids, but worry about being really honest will make them think they are not safe with me.

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iwontbite · 10/03/2009 19:35

i think you'd have to be pretty severe for anyone to consider taking kids away.
their priority is keeping children with the family, adn helping the family member cope.

the more honest you are the better the help you receive will be.
but tell them these worries too!!

hobbgoblin · 10/03/2009 19:38

Are you brave enough to tell me the worst thing yu could tell them?

Do you have an EX DP or anything who might be interested in residency to worry about?

Nabster · 10/03/2009 20:01

DH and I are still together. He knows my worst thoughts - well most of them. I wouldn't do any of them, just have thought about how things would be if I did.

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notnowbernard · 10/03/2009 20:02

Who is your appt with?

Nabster · 10/03/2009 20:03

mental health assessment team

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hobbgoblin · 10/03/2009 20:10

Well, then it sounds like you have very little to worry about. I think you are right not to be too naiive about what you admit because in some cases what comes out has to be investigated, but so long as you are explicit about this being thoughts rather than actions then you have no need to worry.

If there were going to be issues then it would be to do with actual harm or actual neglect (such as not being able to supervise, feed or dress DC due to depression) and not because of dark thoughts you may have.

Also remember that long term serious neglect would need to be occurring for Social Services to be involved. If you have had suicidal thoughts then SS may have an interest, but your very engagement with CMHT is a protective measure and that's all they'll want to see anyhow.

notnowbernard · 10/03/2009 20:11

Ok so you will be assessed by a qualified professional, trained in MH. I think that is good, as they will have a sound understanding of 'risk assessment' and how this will relate to confidentiality issues

I don't 'know' your story, but I am guessing you're struggling with some pretty difficult thoughts? (judging by your posts on this thread)

MH teams are experienced in assessing and working with people who are troubled by distressing or destructive thoughts or intentions. Try to be as honest as you can with them, that way you'll be directed to the most appropriate treatment options

Sorry things are tough atm

notnowbernard · 10/03/2009 20:13

Great last post from Hobbgoblin - try to take reassurance from it

Nabster · 10/03/2009 20:17

I haven't really had any awful thoughts recently but I do this thing about moving on quickly and I am sure it is because I had a lot of changes as a child and never any say. I left home one day, went to school, was picked up at 2 and never went back home. I just had to get on and deal with it. So, when DH is late home, I panic, assume he has had an accident, I am a widow so how am I going to live the rest of my life? All really hard to explain without people thinking I am strange.

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LucyEllensmummy · 10/03/2009 20:44

That doesn't sound strange at all nabster!! Sounds perfectly normal based on what you said there. Also, don't think you are alone in that, i do that too - i can't just think, oh hes late, there must be traffic, im fecking planning his wake FFS!!! I do this alot - so, i have issues too, but i think that those so called "normal" people do it too. I think these sort of thoughts present themselves more when you are anxious. I have done the whole - hmm, i wonder what would happen if i stabbed myself in the belly, jumped in front of a bus (i imagine the mess FFS!) but i do think that is just an anxiety thing and i KNOW i'd never do them.

I think you should be as honest as you can be - most of my anxieties are about my health and relationship with DP, i don't talk about my DD because its not an issue for me, I do talk about her, but not in the sense of badness. Just conversation. My counsellor has NEVER asked. Have you had counselling before? You know - the only thing that has stuck in my mind is that they are obliged to break confidence if - You are deemed as an immediate danger to yourself or others (but honestly, i think you have to be raving mad and you are not!) and if you tell them about terrorist activity and money laundering So i reckon you are pretty safe on that score - (did you get that batch of £50s i sent you?)

THEY ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE YOUR CHILDREN AWAY FROM YOU!!!

My counsellor never pushes me too hard, if i say Nup, don't want to go there - she will just say OK, when you are ready.

Keep yourself busy in between then and now if you can and try to put it out of your mind. You will probably just discuss your meds and if you feel they work for you, you will be asked what sort of help you are wanting, what you feel your main problems are and how you want to tackle it. Its not so scary really.

Nabster · 11/03/2009 10:20

Thak you LEM.

When I was first really ill with DS1 I would imagine throwing him out of the window and then think, that will be really messy. I stopped walking over the foot bridge in case he fell over and people thought I had done it on purpose. I worry about the kids dying in their beds and then think, it will be easier with just two. I would die without my kids so can't understand why I have these thoughts. I am really shaky today but the kids are at school or with MIL so they are fine.

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LucyEllensmummy · 11/03/2009 11:16

I do this too - don't worry! Its almost like you are playing out worse case scenario - its horrible to admit to, but i have had very similar thoughts, even when i was well!!! I think unwanted thoughts are a manifestation of anxiety, im sure i have read this somewhere. I bet more people have thse thoughts than would ever admit it, but we have been forced to deal with them because we are in shit places just now.

Look, its a lovely day - go out in the sunshine, even if you don't want to - walk round the block, to beach, have a coffee if you want. Do something for you. But don't sit here pondering.

I'll be checking!!

Nabster · 11/03/2009 11:39

I have just had some lunch (early I know, but progress for me eating when hungry and not by the clock) I am going to do some more tidying and then out for a bike ride.

at checking.

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LucyEllensmummy · 11/03/2009 13:09

seems you are one step ahead of me today

Nabster · 11/03/2009 13:27

Just had a little cry.

Need to get on.

I will be okay.

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poshwellies · 11/03/2009 13:27

They are called intrusive thoughts and are very very VERY common with anxiety/depression sufferers.It's not a case of you wanted to do the 'thought', it's your fear of being out of control and actually being able to commit the act that you fear most or worse case scenerio happening ie accidents (also beyond your control)

Probably not explained it very well but rest assured,mental health teams deal with people who suffer with intrusive thoughts daily.

Best of luck with getting some help

LucyEllensmummy · 11/03/2009 13:42

crying is good - its cathartic - but snap out of it now and get on yer bike!!!

dilbertina · 11/03/2009 13:47

Nabster, not sure if it helps ...but a friend of mine struggles with depression, she is getting treated for it and has been feeling much better recently.

She got to the point where she was finding it incredibly hard to cope with her DD. She would say in a "jokey" way to many people (incl. dd's teacher) she was close to throwing her dd down the stairs earlier etc. It wasn't really "jokey" though....she was scared of herself, her anger, she felt out of control and worried about what she might be capable of. It was more of a cry for help than a joke.

She is now getting help, no-one has suggested her dd needs to be protected from her, and the situation has improved a lot. She says she feels being open about her deepest darkest thoughts with professionals is what is helping her through this. She has been trying to paper the cracks for too long and not confronting some underlying issues that she was scared of confronting. It's still difficult for her I know but she does feel she is slowly now making some progress. Her relationship with her dd is definitely improving.

I think you need to be honest to get better.

I can honestly say I have absolutely NO concerns about her looking after my dc...

Nabster · 11/03/2009 13:49

One time I was really bad and shouted at the kids in the playground. I just wanted someone to come and ask me if I was okay. No one did and no one talks to me now. Not that they really did before.

I feel like crying as I have unintentionally hurt someone and they are deleting all my emails without reading and I feel rubbish. They had hurt me and I was trying to make them see what they had done and that things had to be resolved and they took it the wrong way.

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LucyEllensmummy · 11/03/2009 14:01

If this person is who i think it is, this might be for the best maybe? Harsh as it sounds. It could be that this is why they are deleting, they just want to draw a line so they AND you can move on?

Nabster · 11/03/2009 14:04

Oh no. Not that person. That is well finished.

I have just been thinking. I have moments of feeling like I can do this, it feels exciting to think I can get through something, and then almost immediately I weaken and think what is the point and I can't quiet work out why.

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LucyEllensmummy · 11/03/2009 14:07

Phew - i thought i was going to have to slap you upside the head with a wet salmon!!

I think you are having the collywobbles today because you were already supposed to have your appointment but haven't - that would have shaken me up. But it can't be helped and it will soon be friday and you can get this over and done with.

Its funny you say about feeling excited, i get this sometimes, i think, right, light at end of tunnel moment - and then i slip, but the fact you can see the light is encouraging - it does show you realise that all is not hopeless and that actually, there is a decent future for you and your family.

have you pushed those pedals yet, cos its getting late!

Nabster · 11/03/2009 14:17

Yep, already been out on my bike 2 hours ago!!

Tidying up now.

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LucyEllensmummy · 11/03/2009 14:20

ah, right, thats good - well its my turn to be feeling shit, panic attack on its way so im going to go and clean something too. Fucking bank - sorry, not your problem, just venting.

Hope you are ok.

Look after YOU fuck everyone else!

Nabster · 11/03/2009 14:30

Hope you are okay.

Just trying not to dissolve into a wet puddle. Worse as no one to talk too and I have to go soon and get the kids and then to inlaws.

Life is crap sometimes.

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