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trying to get over being assaulted

37 replies

AnAngelWithin · 09/03/2009 09:58

My supposed best friend assaulted me outside the school 2 weeks ago. she had been funny with me since before christmas. I don't know why. I have done everything for her in the past. Her ds is my godson. This one day she decided to start a shouting match at school. I walked away. She came after me and started punching me. I kept thinking to myself 'dont hit her back, don't hit her back' and all i could hear was my kids screaming She knocked me out and put me in hospital. Loads of kids saw it all. My kids are mortified, especially dd1. Today my DH has gone back to work and I am at home on my own with dd2 for the first time. I am scared. She only lives a few doors down from me. Not sure what to do with myself. I'm getting in a bit of a state about things really.

OP posts:
Gorionine · 09/03/2009 12:23

SheSellsSeaShellsbyTheSeachore, I was surprised at that too (laughing with others). Maybe the other mums are scared that the same will happen to them if they are not "nice" with her.

AnAngelWithin · 09/03/2009 13:29

Sorry I disappeared. Had to go and calm down from a panic attack

Right I will try and type out the full story. Bear with me.

Been friends for about 10 years. Her eldest son is 6 months younger than my eldest son. We met through a locel baby group. She has always been a bit 'on and off' if you get me. But either way, I have always been there for her. Helped her through so much. Looked after her kids even on occasions when I suspected she was taking the piss a bit. When she had an affair and split up with her DH, I was there for her. Even covered for her. Stupid I know but hey ho. Her and her H end up getting back together and I am the last to know even though I was still trying to help her sort herself out.

Fast forward to christmas. Me and her were supposed to be going out on a pamper day together. She had a voucher for her birthday and really wanted me to go with her. Anyway, one day she didnt turn up at school, I was worried and text her loads. No reply til the evening. She said her DH was fetching the kids from school to give her a break. The next morning I found out she had lied and taken her mum on this pamper day. I was a bit upset, but at the end of the day it was her voucher, but she kept asking me when I could go and I told her just to book it and let me know when it was and I would go, it easier for me to work around her than vice versa.

Then she kept dropping hints at needing someone to look after her youngest dc when she went to work on a thursday. I didn't 'bite' and told her she should ask nursery if she can change her days for him. That seemed to be the ultimate turning point. She hardly spoke to me really from then on, even though I would still call round for her every morning on the way to school.

Another couple of weeks and we were supposed to be going out. I find shes been making plans to go out with a bunch of other mums on that night instead. I wasn't invited. I was quite upset about this as we had planned going out for weeks!

Then one day, she didn't turn up to take my ds1 to a club she always took him to with her son (my DH always fetched them and its been this way for 2 years!) I text and asked her why she hadn't called round and she replied 'you didn't ask' a bit odd seeing as we have had the same arrangement for 2 years. In the end I just text back 'oh ok' I MSNd her and text her a few days after that but got no reply, so I emailed her to say that I had made other arrangements for ds1 to be collected/dropped off so that there wouldn't be any misunderstandings from now on. Her ds doesn't like going to this club now anyway, so figured that he will eventually be leaving anyway so would have to make own arrangements sooner rather than later. She emailed me back asking why I was being 'like that' I just said that it would be better as then there would be no more misunderstandings but that I would see her soon.

So the next week on 'that day' I saw her at school after I had picked my kids up. My ds1 said she was sticking her finger up at me and pulling a face behind my back. Really, not understanding what it was I was supposed to have done, I turned round to ask. She stormed over and started shouting at me. Said I was being funny with her. I told her that I wasn't being funny, but that I was a bit upset that I thought we were going out together and to find out she made other plans and I wasn't invited had upset me. But I said that it didn't matter and to leave it. I carried on walking home. I got outside the school and heard her yelling at me and turned round to see her chasing after me. I can't remember what she was yelling, all I can remember is that I couldn't get a word in edgeways. Her mum was yelling that she would slap me (this the same woman who said I was the best friend her daughter had ever had and she was always telling her that I was!!!) When I finally got a word in, I said that I thought we were really good friends, and that I have done so much for her, even covered for her when she went off with another bloke (common knowledge so not like I was saying anything that nobody knew about...I could have done, I know a lot about her she wouldn't want anyone to know but I am just not like that) and that was it. She flew at me and she was punching me over and over. I just remember hearing my kids screaming. Apparently then someone tried to pull her off me as I was going down, and she hit them, then ran off home. This was on the tuesday. The police came to the hospital. Then they came to my house on wednesday to take a statement and take photographs. My face was all swollen ont he left side and I couldn't even see out of my left eye it was so swollen and bruised. I had a headache for a week afterwards. She was arrested on the Thursday morning. It was the thursday afternoon I saw her at school after she had been released with a caution and told she should stay away from the school.

It was classed as the lowest level of assault as there was no open wounds/lasting scarring etc.

As it didn't happen in the school grounds, the headteacher said that he couldn't do anything, but has said that if she ever says anything to me within the grounds to go straight to him.

She was a playground assistant at the school but quit as soon as the head rang her.

She has apologised to the other person she hit and tried to apologise to others. But not me.

She was always moaning about her mum to me. They didn't get on. She's never done anything like this before, but when her mum is with her, they are very verbal. Her mum was even trying to hit the person who was pulling her off me, rather than tell her to stop it!

I think thats it. I hope. I am sorry if its long winded. Better go and wash my face now.

OP posts:
SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 09/03/2009 13:39

God she sounds thoroughl unhinged. No advise other than calling SS to see if they can persuede her to go to anger management/counselling.

BTW you hae been misinformed by the police and should appeal. Assault is when there ae no marks left. If there is any mark, even just a scratch it is classed as actual bodily harm, and is quite serious. GBH is where there is scarring/permanent damage/broken limbs.

Gorionine · 09/03/2009 13:45

The more you are explaining, the more I am ed! she is truely a bad bad person and so is her mum!!!

I hope the assault will be put on some sort of record and she will never work as a playground assistant again. She is clearly unbalanced!

AnAngelWithin · 09/03/2009 14:13

the policewoman who i dealt with said that it will be on her record, so will show up on any CRB check she does for employment etc.

when i wasin hospital they said it was a section 47 assault, but they charged her with a section lower than that. the lowest one.

OP posts:
SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 09/03/2009 14:17

Section 47 is assault occasioning actual bodily harm and is punishable by a maximum of 5 years prison and/or 3k fine.

As is it her first offence, if fond guilty she would probably get community service/small fine and be made to attend anger mangement classes.

I'd definately appeal in your situation.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 09/03/2009 14:24

Section 39 is assault and battery. I don't know what the max sentance is for that, but I imagine that it is more than a caution. And it's not the lowest form of assault. That is 'common assault' whereby the assault resulted in no injury to the victim, and it comes under section 11.

The attack you suffered was definately sectin 47 as you lost conciousness and it sounds like you had 'extensive bruising and swelling.

Gorionine · 09/03/2009 14:41

It is not only about the physical scars is it? I would go for the appeal Angel, At list you would get some kind of closure. SheSellsSeashelsByTHeSeashore seems to know what she is talking about.

Good that it will appear on her reccord.

AnAngelWithin · 09/03/2009 16:28

seashells you are very clued up!! i have no idea. i just don't know what to do. how would i appeal?

OP posts:
SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 09/03/2009 23:02

I did a law a level and criminal law was my favourite unit

It was only about the actual laws though so I don't how you would appeal, but if you talk to the victim support they will be able to tel you.

AnAngelWithin · 16/03/2009 13:47

i am really struggling today. saw her mum in the town on my first major outing since it happend. couldn't avoid her and our paths crossed. she didn't say anything but just glared at me. when i got home i had got myself in such a state i was sick. dd fell over and hurt herself as well and she won't stop crying now.

OP posts:
tattifer · 18/03/2009 10:31

Hi there, hope you don't mind me putting my penny's worth in -

AnAngelWithin unfortunately more and more offences are being dealt in such way that they are easily disposed of rather than in a way that would leave a victim with the impression that the wrong had been righted. CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) are the ones the police have to please if a conviction is going to stick - so they generally go for whichever version of the offence is going to to stick in court. From your point of view its gut wrenching to think they seem to have got off lightly somehow, from the system's point of they successfully pinned something on them! if her behaviour continues, or worsens or you feel the impact of this is detrimental to your quality of life (don't shoot the messenger) then you may have enough to apply for an injunction in the civil courts to make sure she stays a set distance away from you. It would then be a criminal matter if she broke that injunction - but get witnesses!

Good luck and stay strong

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