I'm getting on my nerves. Do I have a touch of postnatal depression?

[Spaceman]

I'm beginning to irritate myself; I had DC2 ten months ago (DS2) and I'm obsessed with finding an escape route for the future.

While I should be revelling in baby-ness, absorbed in my beautiful boy (who, by the way took two mc's and a year to conceive)all I find myself doing is obsessing about getting back into work again, retraining, writing a book, travelling - anything that provides some escape from the mundane world of looking after the house and family.

I've worked quite successfully as a freelancer for three years. While I was on maternity leave, due to the recession, my work has completely dried up. This is having a really negative effect on me, which has surprised me.

My rational brain is saying to enjoy the summer, spend time with my children and stop putting so much pressure on myself to get my career going again, but emotionally my self esteem has plumetted and I feel really worthless. I'm surprised by how frustrated I am. I wish I could just live for the moment and have confidence that the future (and my job prospects) will take care of themselves, but I worry that every month I'm not working, I'm becoming more and more unemployable so I'll end up on the scrapheap.

Are my worries justified or do you think I may be feeling a little anxious with a bit of postnatal depression? After all, it's not the time to start putting big plans into operation when you have a young family is it?

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I understand why you're anxious spaceman as career/money worries does make it hard to enjoy your family, as it's always in the back of your mind. Have you talked to your partner about this? Perhaps you could do a bit of research to see if there are other options you could take? If you could work part-time it may help the balance. Sometimes sharing your anxieties can make all the difference.In the meantime try to have the quality time with your children while they are still so young as you don't get this time back. You may have a touch of PND so definitely talk to someone, your gp or health visitor should be able to help you

Thanks Charlie, I haven't spoken to my DH about it as he's not very good at 'feelings'. I would like to work part-time, but as I've been spoilt earning a lot of money freelancing I feel like I should hold up and wait for work to pick up again rather than go in-house somewhere. Maybe I'll look into it though - a part time job in an agency might make all the difference. Thanks for responding, the reaction I've had to your words has had an affect on me and from this I can gleen that my anxieties run a bit deeper than I'm willing to let on.

Let me know how you get on. A part-time job in an agency sounds like a great option for easing you back into the working environment, and it certainly doesn't mean you can't go at it on your own in the future. Put your feelers out there and see what's about. It might be just what you need to enjoy work and family

Spaceman are you still around? Have just read this thread after searching on PND and think I might be in a similar boat. DS2 only 15 weeks, but think I've got a bit of PND/anxiety (or maybe just knackeredness... it's a fine line), just heard freelance opportunities have been scuppered by recession, and a bit diff to talk to DH about how I feel about this. Would be interested to hear how things are panning out for you.