stuck,hopeless,pathetic please help me or nag me.

[allfedup]

Have had recent thread about dh who doesn't communicate.
Live in the sticks and since in this house and getting older[I'm in my forties] my self confidence is low.
Can feel myself sinking and getting a bit desperate.
I want to get "things",like paperwork in order to separate.
I want to get a job.
I get no moral support from dh now and I know he'll be horrendous if we separate~he'll tell the children
"your mother says I have to leave"etc,to make the youngest cry and take his side.
How can I make a major life change when I feel so low?

Allfedup - sorry don't have any novel advice to offer. If you do feel you are sinking go and see your GP - they may be able to offer you some counselling so you can off load in a confidential way. Talking through things to someone new often makes it clearer as to what to do.

You need to try and take things one step at a time. It might seem really frustrating but small steps are easier to handle especially when you are feeling down.

I always write a 'to do' list when things are getting like this - with every single thing written down - so not just sort the papaerwork but put down each bit of paperwork you need to sort so you can cross them off as you've done them. It is clearer then what you have achieved.

Also, try and get advice reagarding sorting your CV etc - the local JobCentre may have people you can speak to?

Good luck and try to stay positive - you will get it sorted but it may take some time.

Hi allfedup, sounds likes you're overwhelmed with things you want to change. When you are feeling low and are perhaps unsure of why, it's easy to looks at every aspect of your life and want to change it all, particualrly if it stems from not being happy with yourself.
What do you think is the main driver for feeling the way you feel at the moment? (BTW - senidng lots of good thoughts your way, I know how all consuming it can be feeling this way).

thanks the main reason for being low is being unhappy with my dh who never gives me credit for anything and is never nice.
But also over the years trying to keep things going now I feel old and tired.
Have had a lot of illness in the children to cope with and deaths etc but I seem to have to do it all alone,and of course he blames me not himself anyway.
So I need to get out without scarring the youngest but to do so need to get work and somewhere to live.

I wouldn't normally recommend Anti-depressants, but maybe (if you're not already on them) they might give you the temporary lift you need right now?

Are you in a position to do any voluntary work? While you're sorting yourself out, paid work might be a bit much - you need to sell yourself quite hard atm, and perhaps volunteering somewhere first will remind you of all your skills and abilities, so that you can get your CV together with more optimism?

Whereabouts in the country are you? Who's near you to support in RL?

As to scarring the youngest, well, how much would it scar them to grow up with someone so belittling?

Allfedup -really feel for you as this is very tough. I don;t have personal exdperience of this but a very close friend of mine left her dh 2 years ago for very similar reasons. Her 2 children were of course upset, but certainly not scarred and as an observer, I would say that despite being young, they realised that in time, their home was happier for the change and are very close to their mum. She had to instigate it, push through teh divorce so yes to some degree she was certainly in the firing line. But it was without doubt, the best thing for the long term happiness of herslef and children. Much betterthan being in teh middle of a failing relationship. Obviusly my asnwer assumes you do not want to stay in the relationship - although either way, I would reocmmend Relate, it helped my friend cope with simialr feelinsg to yours and get through it with the support she needed (she went to her own as ex h refused to go).

thanks the reason its gone on so long is its difficult to tell if i were more fulfilled now the children are all at school instead of so lonely would I need less from my partner.
The reason i'm lonely except re my dh is he insisted on moving from somewhere in town where I was happy with lots of friends and now after a few more years being sahm for the youngest[which i loved]am stuck in the sticks with noone at home no self confidence and no company in the evening .
I am a volunteer and that has been a start but need to move forward.
My dh makes unilateral decisions and insists on his own way and its happened over too many things.

so today i will

1write list of everything then break it up
2start paperwork
3arrange chat with a close friend
4think about career,cv.
5Get some fighting spirit going

Good for you!

Sounds great, could really help just getting everything out onto paper it might help you focus on the key issues.