counselling on the nhs

[beanieb]

What can I say to my doctor ? I think I need counselling to deal with issues surrounding Trying to Conceive. II have an appointment this morning but could only get a locum doctor not my usual. Am worried about being fobbed off but I want to be put on a waiting list for counselling so that I can get some support incase I am told I can't have children. I figure that if I go now then I might be at the top of the list by the time this happens. is it reasonable of me to expect them to do this and what can/should I do if they fob me off?

Tbh, I think it's unlikely they'll refer you in anticipation of something that you're not experiencing right at this moment, and may not in fact ever experience.

But if you are experiencing anxiety or depression about it now, I'd go and talk to them anyway. I would concentrate on telling them how your worries are affecting how you're feeling now, not how you think you may feel in the future if x happens iyswim.

Good luck

OK - so perhaps I should just talk to them about how I am feeling now? I am depressed I think, I am also very much at mercy to my hormones every month.

I don't know what I am asking for tbh but it's getting to a point where I am unhappy more than I am happy and little knock-backs leave me so unhappy that I am crying at my desk in work. I am worried about the way I am self-obsessing and about how my behaviour is effecting other people, not to mention myself. I am basically a big screwed up ball of anxiety and so to have the fear on top of this that I will be told, that's it - no children for you, is making my life NOW very difficult.

Maybe I should ask to be signed off work for a few days?

aw beanie I'm sorry you are feeling so low

Hopefully the doctor will be understanding and should refer you

There are also often free or very cheap local counselling services not run by the NHS - you could email your local branch of Mind to see if they could suggest anything?

The trouble with being signed off work is that you might just wallow for a few days which might make you feel worse by the end of it. Unless you are spending time with someone who can try to talk things through with you, for example, making a plan about how to approach things over the next few weeks/months. Or someone that you think might help make you feel better about yourself. But different people need different things, so if you think that being signed off will be beneficial to you, then perhaps it is the right thing to do.

Beanieb, I'm sorry you are having a rubbish time. You have every right to ask for help, and if I were you, would tell the GP outright that you are struggling with low mood and anxiety, and that you would like a referral for counselling. How easy it is to get an appt depends on area, but even if there is no counselling locally, your GP should be able to point you towards organisations that can help.

Good luck.

sorry to hear you feeling so blue beanieb. Is there a concrete reason why you think you might not be able to have kids? have you been trying or is it just an anxious niggle in the back of your mind? I ask because I had similar anxious niggles and of course when I put my mind to it I was lucky enough to have no trouble at all.

Sounds to me though like you ARE possibly depressed though. Would you consider taking meds to help you through or is that something you are very averse to? I ask because I ahd always been against teh idea but when I went to my GP 18 months or so ago in a similarly wretched state he put me on to low doses of citalopram which is an anti-d also used to treat anxiety and it really helped. But am not suggesting that is the answer for you. It sounds like you need some help in dealing with those horrible negative thought patterns that can blow up out of proportion (btw... I have the t-shirt!) . One book that I and a number of people I have spoken to about this have found invaluable is this one . I agree with MP that taking time off might be risky due to possibility of wallowing (again, t-shirt wearer!) but possibly armed with some techniques like those described in that book it might be a thing to do.

Best of luck. It's a rotten place to be.

thanks everyone.

peanut I have been trying for about 20 cycles (have 24 day cycles so about 14 months) and have been referred for more investigations with the IVF clinic. I am 39 this year and up until recently I was never negative about my age as I always had hope having seen lots of older women get pregnant.

In the last month I have had a couple of set backs which include being referred 2 months too late for the free cycle of IVF on the NHS, being told my hormone levels were a bit high and that they suggest I will soon be in the peri-menopause and most recently being told that instead of being able to have my HSG between day 5 and 10 I have to wait almost 3 weeks and so can't try for a baby this month as I am not supposed to have sex incase I do get pregnant and then they can't do it. So basically I feel down because I feel like I am missing out a month even though I know the HSG is important and needed.

I also have horrendous PMT (not physical signs but terrible emotional mood swings) about every three weeks.

I have thought about going to the doctor before but the possibility of being put on anti-depressants has always stopped me because I assumed it would be a bad idea while TTC. So it's all a bit catch-22.

I am starting to hate myself for becoming so stressed and upset, and I also feel like I am getting more and more bitter towards other people. My rational side tells me to stop being so stupidly self-obsessed but then my emotions run away with me.

Thanks for the book recommendation - I will take a look. I need to find ways to stop myself looking at the future as a long empty road filled with nothing but bitterness and anxiety.

oh beanieb I am so sorry - you have a lot to be anxious and stressed about

definately worth having a look at that book, I think it would realy help if you are anyway disposed to teh mendful techniques it describes, which it sounds like you might well be. Is very gentle and is about being kind to yourself and allowing yourself to get outside your thoughts a bit and move on.

I really feel for you.

Good luck.

And maybe you do need a few days off, relax, nice baths, plenty of herbal tea, some being kind to yourself and your body time.

(big hug)

Just wanted to post now I am back and say the doctor was lovely and is going to refer me for counselling. I am lucky in that they have a counsellor at teh practice 2 days a week so should get seen soon. He did talk about the other option of medication but thinks I should have counselling first.

The freakily unfortunate thing was that I was actually (unknowingly) booked in to see the locum who turned out to be a very good friend of my OH who has just got back from travelling round the world and we haven't seen for year! Fortunately as she called in teh patient before me we recognised eachother and she asked if I would prefer to see another doctor.... ! Talk about a run of bad luck!

sounds good - look after yourself

well done Beanie!

Glad you've managed to get the support you need. Best wishes to you.