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Mother-in-law gone crazy - how to deal with it/help? (long, sorry)

5 replies

LadyMetroland · 19/02/2009 15:36

I'm really worried about my MIL who has completely gone off the deep end. I think she is very mentally unstable but am not sure what to do about her as she has cut off all communication with us/won't answer phone/says she's changing locks to her house etc.

Background: she is an only child and has no family except my DH. It's literally just the two of them in the whole world. She lives alone, a few hours away from us and is clearly depressed. She often visits us and we visit her a lot. She literally smothers DH with love. To the point where its really quite weird - goes to extreme lengths to do the smallest thing.

In recent years she's got quite unstable. She's always been prone to black moods, and is a volatile woman, but now the smallest perceived injustice against her will be turned into ammunition against DH and she'll stop speaking to him.

She's been staying with us recently and yesterday went completely off the deep end. The trigger was that DH spoke sharply to her. He said 'oh for god's sake' to her in a mildly aggressive manner. He shouldn't have done it, but it was literally three words over a minor issue.

She has now totally flipped. She shouted and screamed for a couple of hours, cried, told me how she suffers so badly because he's such a terrible son/treats her so badly etc. Then she packed her bags and got the train saying she never wanted to hear from him again and was changing the locks. She is not answering her phone. She says she's disowning him. The worst thing is that she is utterly, utterly irrational. You literally cannot talk to her her or rationalise things with her. She simply won't listen to reason when she's like this.

Although I am biased I can quite honestly say that DH is a good son, he bends over backwards for his mum and rings her almost every day. There is so much pressure on him, with no other relatives to talk to or help.

It is a really difficult situation. I believe she needs to take anti-depression medication as she is seriously mentally unwell. But to even broach this subject with her would be to risk alienating her even further.

Does anyone have any experience of a similar situation or advice?

OP posts:
purpleduck · 19/02/2009 15:43

If you are worried for her safety, perhaps NHS can give you some advice - or the appropriate agency to call...?
Sorry, not too helpful, but it must be terrible for your dh.

jangly · 19/02/2009 15:49

It sounds like she would benefit tremendously by taking an antidepressant, but if you can't get her to see the doctor then there's nothing really you can do on that score.
She sounds really lonely. I suppose you couldn't get her to move closer to you so she could be more involved on a regular basis? Living "a few hours away" sounds pretty awful if she has no one else in her world.

GrendelsMum · 28/02/2009 19:05

Have you contacted one of the mental health charities? They may well be able to advise you on how to encourage a family member to seek health for a mental health problem?

My MiL also has mental health difficulties - and the thing I never realised before is quite how annoying it is to deal with someone who has (at times) absolutely no way of discussing something rationally, and who cannot change their mind about something. I know exactly what you mean - she says "you meant such and such" and you say "no, I didn't, I never thought of that", and she says "yes, I know you did, but now you're pretending you didn't", and you say, "no, I didn't, I was thinking of something else quite different" and she say "I know what you were thinking about", at which point you just give in and agree to the most appalling or ridiculous things...

crokky · 28/02/2009 19:09

I really don't know about the mental health aspect, but I would think that you might be able to get through to her by trying to get her to stay in touch with your children instead of your DH - approach it that way?

ScottishMummy · 28/02/2009 19:26

has she been seen or assessed by GP/psych?
is this behaviour out of charcter?
any triggers any life events stressing her out

the best person who can assess whether or not she needs AD's is doctor/psych.tbh i would show bitof tact/sensitivity and not discuss AD with her.best not to over speculate

if you remain really woried she can goto A&E they have on call psychiatrist.Psych liasion referral staff

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