Need some practical advice

[anchovies]

Things are going a bit wrong at the moment and I don't think I'm dealing with them in the best way.

I am 25 and have moved with my husband back to were my parents live. I have no friends nearby (at all) and the only friends I do have are friends from uni who are nowhere near having babies yet. I am supposed to be doing a PhD but am nowhere near finishing it despite having been paid to do it for 3.5 years now (our son made a suprise appearance in year 2) I am also helping my dad set up a a business. We are in tonnes of debt and are waiting for our house to be remortgaged in order to pay some of the debts off. Two weeks ago I found out I have breast cancer. I am due to go for a wide local excision next week. They will then biopsy the lump and tell me what further treatment is necessary. I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all and have started acting a bit irrationally. I am finding looking after my ds very hard work and seem to spend my time in extremes of emotion. I am not sleeping very well and know that being tired is not helping. Last night things reached a bit of a crescendo in that I couldn't get any money out of the bank to repay some money I owe so I tried to lie and say I'd forgotten my purse but ended up running off and then told a man who's car I'd blocked in to f* off before he even said anything. I can't remember driving home, cried and shouted at dh for a bit then went to bed. I feel a bit numb this morning. Dh has gone to work, he kept saying he would stay off but I told him to go. It's just weird cos I don't feel depressed or anything I just feel extreme emotions all the time. I am either completely happy and couldn't care less about things or just feel like I could cry and want to go to bed. Please can somebody give me some practical advice on what to do to feel normal again? I am sorry this is so jumbled.

Oh, how awful for you. Your reactions sound totally normal to me. There is so much on your mind. It's almost too much to deal with. Would it be possible for your GP to recommend counselling, I think you do need help from someone who knows what they're talking about. It sounds to me like traumatic stress. If I feel pressured during the day I start doing pretty weird stuff - but you're going through so much, and I've seen relatives who've been ill, or who have had parents or children ill act very irrationally, seemingly. You really should see your GP and ask for help. This is too much for you to deal with on your own. Do also get support from your dh, and your parents, if you are close to them. My heart goes out to you.

Thanks for replying it's funny cos it's nice to know someones even bothered. Its hard having no one to talk to, my dh is great but he takes whatever I say personally so it means I don't ever tell him what's wrong. I just wish I even had a friend to ring and tell them about it all. My dh says to see the gp but I wouldn't know what to say. My mum wants to help but I feel guilty for not even being able to look after my own son.

hi not really sure what to say but if you want to talk either on here or cat me you are more than welcome,even if you just want someone to listen to how you are feeling or have a rant.take care
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Anchovies - read your post, but just don't know what to say. You are going through so much that I would have thought your reactions are perfectly understandable. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I really hope you get the all clear after your biospy.

So sorry, sounds like you are having such a terrible time, no wonder you are behaving like this. As Saadia says, sounds totally normal. You need some support, sounds like you are carrying all this on your own, no wonder you are exploding. Can you not talk to any of your uni friends? I know they not near having babies or near you, but perhaps they could provide some emotional support. Keep talking on here, theres loads of people who will support you. Feel a bit useless really, sorry!

Whereabouts are you ANchovies? Are there any MNers near you?

Thanks or replying. I don't feel like I can just ring my uni friends and start talking about all this, we're not close anymore and their lives are so different to mine. I met up with a MNer near me not long ago and she was lovely but I just couldn't face going to the toddler group anymore. I changed my name afterwards so would feel really funny saying where I am as I never explained to her why I had disappeared. I know this all sounds really odd but I am normal honestly I just feel like I have lost the plot at the moment.

don't feel guilty you have alot of things to deal with right now if you fel strong enough write a list of a small thing you can do adn tick it off when you have done it then add bigger tasks a bit at a time - also go and see Gp and discuss how you feel. cat me if you like
take care

Anchovies, it's not surprising if you've lost the plot, but you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Maybe your parents would be more help than you think. If your mum's like my mum she would be devastated to know that you were suffering so much.

At a time like this you should be concentrating most of all on your health. Could your mum help out with looking after your son? I think you need a bit of time and space to yourself. And just tell the GP what you've told us - that you're feling overwhelmed and have extremes of emotion. They must have experience of dealing with this. But do keep talking to us...

I dont think you sound odd at all. I think the GP would be a good move. Are you close to your mum, I guess you must be if you moved back to them. If you are I am sure she would want to know how you are and help as much as possible. Maybe you could talk to dh and tell him all that you have said here. Maybe if you explained why you find it difficult to tell him things he will understand and can be there for you in a more constructive way. I imagine its really hard to go out and meet new people while you are feeling like this, so not sure what to suggest.

Anchovies I think your reation adn emotions sound completely normal. You were living in a n already stressful situation, which you were coping with, until another thing happened wich meant everything got too much for you.
Have you looked here - they provide help and support, both practical and emotional to people suffering from cancer. I think you are going to find it hard to feel "normal" until you get past this. Can you explain to your dh and parents that you know you are being irrational at the moment but can't help it, I'm sure they will understand

Thanks for the link prufrock, did something constructive this morning and rang a nurse at breastcancercare. She was lovely and really made me feel like how I feel is normal. She said she would be amazed if people really believe I am as ok as I am pretending I am.

My dh has rang my mum by the sounds of things, she came round earlier to get me to "pull myself together". I know she's trying to help but it just so wasn't what I needed to hear. She has taken ds out for the afternoon though and dh is finishing work early which is good news.

I just feel stupid cos I am not a "depressed" kind of person. I try to never complain and hate people thinking they know how I feel. Dh has rang loads of times today, think last night really scared him. Am going to bed now as have got an awful headache behind one eye. Thanks for all your kind messages though.

Quick update to let the kind people who posted yesterday know that I am feeling much better today. Much more in control! I have decided that I am just going to go with it from now on, if I'm feeling rubbish I'm just going to have a day like yesterday where I sleep and generally feel sorry for myself. Failing that I will go and see my gp. Luckily the op is next wednesday and should have a decision on mastectomy and chemo vs radio by a week on friday so not long to wait for results.

Quick update to let the kind people who posted yesterday know that I am feeling much better today. Much more in control! I have decided that I am just going to go with it from now on, if I'm feeling rubbish I'm just going to have a day like yesterday where I sleep and generally feel sorry for myself. Failing that I will go and see my gp. Luckily the op is next wednesday and should have a decision on mastectomy and chemo vs radio by a week on friday so not long to wait for results.

Good luck anchovies, I think that is the right approach, to just accept your feelings. I hope everything goes well with the treatment. It's really good to know you're feeling better.