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Original poster

Just needing to rant...don't need any replies thank you....

9 replies

leedslassy · 15/02/2009 21:40

because I have not been on here for ages so don't deserve your attention. and to be honest I am a useless being who is fed up of her life and feeling this god damn way. I could have done so much...I had plans... why didn't I follow them??? What have I done with my life... there is so much potential in me and I have so much I could contribute to society...but my life prevents me from doing so. I work full time and am a useless mum who doesn't deserve her 2 beautiful children. I palm them off the childminder and school an then am knackered at night. My temper is always friad, I have no sex drive and so my relationship with dh is suffering. They would be all better if I disappeared for a while so that I didn't create the agro I do. How wonderful to be me...plain old me..where did she go?? She's there in my dreams but then a miserable old cow wakes up and the shit continues...I'm getting older and fatter and uglier...I want to laugh and have fun again...I have no money, am now quite drunk and going to be4d so that the whole damn lot can start again tomorrow.Maybe it is just my age and feeling nostalgic? Meeting my brothers new girlfriend and seeing them together yesterday made me remember what young love is and how I would have done things differently. I don't want to live a life of regrets but my whole life seems to be one at the moment.

OP posts:
CuriousSquid · 15/02/2009 21:41

are you me?

i could have written 98% of that OP

LadyOfWaffle · 15/02/2009 21:43

{{hugs}} Have you tried just picking one small thing to 'work on'? I have got myself in ruts - me a mess, house a mess, relationship a mess and I wonder why am I even here? But if you start with the tiny things and build yourself up? Sorry I am waffling, I hope you are OK x

CuriousSquid · 15/02/2009 21:44

sorry, not much help

Original poster
leedslassy · 15/02/2009 21:59

I just think back all the time and can't believe that I'm not 16 anymore...where has my life gone and when did I put my plans aside and go down the road I'm on? Th main thing I want to work on is my temper as that is the thing that will affect the kids and I don't want that. My eldest dd (age 6) has already asked why I shout so much and I don't have an answer but in am head I know its just because I am shit. I can't count to 10 before the outburst as the red mist comes all at once. Please there is probably no help (I've seen a councillor twice in the last 4 years to no avail)- I'm just a wrong person.

OP posts:
desertmum · 19/02/2009 07:27

You are not a wrong person you are trying to do something - posting here is the first step. Go to your GP and explain about the red mist - I am sure he can give you soething to calm you down. Make sure you eat properly (I get much more shouty when I don't eat properly and my sugar levels are low). Try not to drink too much (oh god, if only I could take that advise). Having young children is hard - don't be so hard on yourself, but do ask your GP for help.

A friend of mine takes her 'happy' pills every day and says she couldn't function without them as she is so shouty and horrid when she doesn't take them. There is help out there.

Hugs

cheapskatemum · 19/02/2009 22:41

I turn into something akin to The Incredible Hulk if I drink coffee. I think the caffeine affects me. I would recommend taking a long, hard look at what you eat & drink & cutting out all the junk/alcohol.

Have you spent most of that time since you were 16 doing things for other people, instead of for you?

Nontoxic · 19/02/2009 23:22

Agree with previous posts re. diet; what you eat sets up chemical reactions in your brain and the wrong foods can make you feel truly lousy.

The main culprits are sugar (including white carbs and alchohol) and caffeine.

Unfortunately these things tend to be what you crave when feeling bad (you subconsciously try to self-medicate), but they only lead to highs and corresponding lows in blood sugar levels, the result of which is mood swings and depression.

I'm obviously guessing that this is the case for you, but if nothing else improving your diet would make one aspect of your life better (the shouting and the red mist are the clues).

A book called Potatoes not Prozac is what helped me years ago - there's also a website called {{www.radiantway.com}}. It's American but try and overlook that!

Nontoxic · 19/02/2009 23:23

Sorry www.radiantway.com.

Nontoxic · 19/02/2009 23:26

How dreadful - please ignore that overtired link - www.radiantrecovery.com.

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