Hey, well this is gonna be long....pls bear with me
Well I have a dd,7 and my depression/severe ocd pretty much started just before I had her
So was put on citalopram after having her and went to psychiatrist for a while, when my dd was about 9 weeks old, had suspicions my partner was cheating, so threw him out
Then when my dd was a year old I moved house to be near my parents etc, was still on antid's etc
This is when I met my current partner of 6.3 years and we got together and he is 4 years younger than me(now 24 I am 28) I had two miscarriages to him when my dd was approx 2 yrs ol, 2 and a half....then we had a son who will be 2 in a couple weeks, then last jan had another miscarriage
My son has a genetic disorder involving severe epilepsy, hypotonia(low muscle tone) and hypermobile joints (very flexible) brain ddamage and development delay...so bn a rough ride, he cannot walk etc altho startin to talk now...anyway i am bk on antid's n diazepam to help me deal with my ds's probs
When I was preg with my ds I found my partner had bn taking cocaine, and it was in my house, I went crazy, but he promised never to do it again etc etc, an cos I was pregnant I thought "oh everythin will be ok", found it good few times since, and just after my ds was born, so threw him out, hasnt lived with us for more than a year
But he swore he wasnt doing it anymore.....and things were starting t get bk on track, was gonna ask him to move bk in as I had never seen any more proof he was doing it again...we were talking only 2 weeks ago about trying for a baby in the summer as we went to see geneticist and were told that ds's condition was a one off so we were over the moon, but also very sad for our little man.... but anyway last weekend he had came in from a night out(and I do NOT eever let him stay if he is out for a drink bcos the fear of cocaine was always there) but he had let himself in and was lying on the couch when I took dd downstairs in the morning
When he went out I put my hand dwn couch (as I used to do) and found an empty cocaine bag
I am devastated and he keeps saying he will get help etc but said it before
My life is hard enough , and recently I have bn just taking my diazepam each day "just in case" even tho I prob shouldn't be
Feel like I am slippin into depression again FAST I am so fuckn fed up of all the shit