Social Worker visiting my friend tomorrow – how bad does it have to be?

[ContainsWildPerilousLuurve]

To take her son away?

I have known her for 4 years, her son and my DS1 are both 8 and best friends. She?s been in and out of our local hospital for years with chronic depression / self harm and is currently being assessed for Schizophrenia. Things came to a head over Christmas and although the crisis team and a mental health nurse frequently visit her, this is the first visit from social services ? it came about through the school who are being brilliant and are on the case. She loves her son very much and is terrified he?ll be taken away. I?ve told her that the SS are there to help and It would be a worse case scenario / think what they must see sometimes etc. etc.

If I?m honest there is some neglect there ? many of his clothes are too small for him and she only washes him and his clothes once a fortnight and she sometimes forgets to pick him up from school etc. That sounds really bad ? maybe my judgement is clouded! I do what I can as do a number of other mums. However, I?m hoping that SS can help with this ? she?s put him in fresh clothes for their visit. Her DH (who I don?t know well) goes from saying she is useless and maybe he should be taken away to trying to help and taking him for trips at weekend.

Any advice?

Can i add that i realise that her Ds is the most important person in all this .

It does have to be really bad for SSD to rmove a child form their family.
although I have to say the washing once a fortnight is neglect ( would say lesser end of scale)
They will do an assesment of the situation and if they deem it necessary a case conference could be called where consideration will be given to him being placed on the at risk register.
THey mat just offer support, if they do she should accept it. It is better to work with social services than against them.

Oh thanks for answering LMLT. I'm really hoping she'll take any help offered - it's what we've told her to do. Obv she's very worried.

It seems like she's a blank wall when it comes to him - she loves him (he is a lovely lad) but when she forgets him there's not a word of apology and i have to tell her he smells a bit (for his sake).

I just want them to get help from the professionals - i think we have done as much as we can.

sounds like you have CWPL
REst assured things do have to be really bad before children are removed. Hopefully with SS support she can improe her situation

I she a single parent ??

No CrackerNut (see the end of my post) but i don't know her DH that well - he's not the most easiest man to talk to.

LMLT - thankyou for your reassurances.

Where is her dh in all this?

Ok if he's working then i can understand the not being able to collect from school, but the rest - does the man not know how to use a washing machine?

By saying that their ds should be taken away he's hardly being a supportive husband is he?

It takes two parents to raise a child (if both parents are living toogether obviously) so if she's not capable of looking after her ds then her dh should be stepping in rather than allowing the situation to escalate in the way it has.

Yes and i'm hoping that the visit today will "scare him" a bit. He is in his 60s and doesn't strike me as the type of chap who has ever used a washing machine in his life.

I agree he should be pulling his weight more and have told her that. Also that what he said is rot!

I was wondering if there was a chance her DS would be taken away from her (us) and i'm pleased with the responses so far. I can't do much about her Dh unfortunately.

On the whole I think that SS aim to keep the child with the family.

I just hope that her dh doesn't say the kind of things he's been saying to the social workers though or it may not help your friend's situation.

God yes - fingers crossed that they see through anything he might say. He does do stuff with his DS too.

What a mess!

Well I have know kids in worse situations being left with the family. They always aim to keep families together and really although the boys situation is less than ideal he doesn't seem to be at risk of harm. Its probably good that SS are monitoring, hopefully they will be able to support your friend.

Thankyou Wonderstuff - here's hoping .