How do you know if it's PND?

[turtle23]

I have had depression in the past. DS is 10 months and I am still breastfeeding, but obviously not as much as when he was little. He is often a terrible sleeper and although he has nights where he does sleep through, I have not had more than 4 hours in a row since he was born. These days I wake up every 30-90 minutes regardless and am awake from about 4. I am now going to bed at 8/830 and going straight to sleep but the restlessness starts immediately. It only occurred to me this morning that I am not remembering to shower every day...mostly because I am not going out every day. My house is slipping into a hideous mess. I haven't eaten a vegetable in weeks(not like me.) I only eat because I know that I have to feed DS. On the odd occassion that I do get some sleep I do feel a bit better, but I have been looking at the same pile of wasing for 4 days now and wondering why it is that I can't seem to care enough to put it on despite it being sat in front of the machine. Am I exhausted or ill? Sigh.

Hi flower.. not v good at this i'm afraid but didn't want to leave without answering.

Don't be so hard on yourself.. housework always comes last with a new baby.. do you have support at home ie DP/DH parents older kids ect, that you could ask for help?
Don't try to be supermum it will burn you out.
Have also had depression in the past and i think it helps because you know the signs and are not afraid to seek help..

Thanks...he's not exactly new, though...is he? DH insists that it is my job and doesn't think it should be a problem as I have "all day to do nothing."

It's really hard to know if the way you're feeling is caused solely by the sleep deprivation. But I don't think it matters tbh, the point is that you're feeling crap and could do with some support. If I was you, I'd go along to the GP anyway, especially with your history.

You have my sympathies. DD is only just sleeping better now, having been waking every couple of hours for months, and it does make a huge difference to my ability to cope with the day. It will pass. But don't sit there suffering, go and speak to someone about it. Good luck.

Yes i agree woth raspberry, pop along to gp and have a whinge, at least they will listen for 5 mins and probably give you some drugs.. hmmmmmmmmmm druuuuuugs lol

thinks 'Calm yourself B.Saph

DH is obv a bell end the same as my DP who's head i could happily rip off atm.. no, your baby is still a new baby and all i can say is sod the housework, DP moaned about it recently and got an earful, hence he either doesn't say anything, or gets on with it and does it, mostly though he leaves it for me even if that means leaving it all weekend..

Thats fine by me though cos when he wants dinner or a cuppa, if the w.up hasn't been done then it looks like he's gonna starve because i used to stress about things and have a spotless home BB (before baby ).. even though i am normally laid back due to having a nervous breakdown a while ago, which did me a favour in that now i am v v laid back and relaxed about most things (realised what is important in life and what is not worth stressing over)

You DO NOT have all day FGS .. babies are god-damn demanding especially if you are alone, and time they are asleep is NOT housework time, its making-up for lost sleep time. If he won't help not even on a wknd then he deserves to starve or live on takeaways lol.
Big hugs hun and remember baby won't be tiny forever.. don't try to be supermum like i say, been there, done that, and it tires you out to the point you may even get grumpy with baby. Concentrate on your wellbeing and the DC's.. your DH obv lives in a tv induced dreamworld where babies sleep all day and therefore women have hours and hours to cook, clean and still be up for bedroom action later on. FFS MEN lol

If you are near me I will come and do your washing for you. One of the few things I am good at.

I think if you could try and sort out if there is a reason Baby isn't sleeping through and get him to do so more regulary, eventually that will have a knock on effect with you and you will start to sleep more.

You know you need to eat. Maybe buy some prepared pasta salads, some soup that can be heated up in a few minutes in the microwave and some nice drinks.

Have a warm bath and hot milk before bed.

ake baby out between 2-4pm every day (mine slept through the days I did that) as the fresh air will be good for both of you and will break up the day.

Your husband needs to do more as he isn't doing enough if you have had washing hanging around for more than 4 days.

And rest whenever you can.

Just seen your Dh thinks you do nothing all day.

Stop doing anything for him. Do what the baby needs first, then you, then the house. Shame no time left to do anything for him....

I knew someone like NAB would come along and agree that DH needs to be neglected hehe

Don't you just sometimes wish that they would be more understanding..not trying to hijack your thread but had a bust up with DP yesterday about BF.. i am sore and feel like nips are going to drop off as DS has tongue tie, got contact off a MW today to assess him thank GOD!! to maybe have the tie snipped.. this is only after contacting social services to play thier faces as well, as IMO my son deserves to be BF without struggling, and i deserve to be pain free, doctor unwilling to perform op, so rather than give up through the pain i decided to play my face.. so.. mixture of pain, guilt, tiredness through feeding every five sodding minutes ect, i was up for a fight with DP who yelled at me why don't i just bottlefeed DS.. until i said ok, i will, you give me the money for formula/bottles/steriliser/sterilising fluid ect.. he soon shut his yap then.

And suddenly became very supportive of BF

Thing is with these blokes, until something jumps up and pokes them in the eye, they think everything is easy.
DP now being very nice about having DS so i can have a hot meal for a change, or a hot cuppa.. not cold like i have been for the past three weeks.. and the washing up got done, there is a load in the washer and drier as we speak also, yes i appreciate he works, and do the best i can, but my baby comes first and if the HW doesn't get done but DS is happy and fed, i don't give a shit for anything else, and as i pointed out, he should be happy to have a partner who loves his baby enough to put him first above everything else, not like his ex on pc all the time.. not unlike me now shh don't tell him lol

TOTALLY agree with NAB's tip about taking baby out, it will help both of you, baby to sleep/get fresh air, and you to get out and about and not get cabin fever from being cooped up in house all day, which is scarily easy how fast the day goes.. have done it myself tbh and it is no good for you to stay in xx

Thanks, all. If it were up to me, I wouldn't care about the house...and as a result it would probably be tidier. Have long ago accepted that DH won't help.
I do TRY to get out of the house...just sometimes it is too tough.

Hi turtle. When I had ds, I suffered badly from depression and found excuses not to leave the house and the longer I stayed in the house with squalling baby, the less I was inclined to go out.

For me the solution was a routine of going out. I went to the local toddler group (which I hated at first) - I volunteered to be on duty so I had to be there. Other days, I caught the bus to the nearest town - again catching the bus meant I had to be out for a specific time. If I committed to being out, I could make myself go, otherwise I wouldn't bother. Once I was out of the house, nothing fely quite so bad.

How are you with your son? Are you enjoying him or just finding him hard work? For me it was the latter and going out helped with that too.

Agree that dh should do more but tbh, I stopped looking for too much help from my dh as at the time as he just did not get what hard work a baby was. I took the view that I had to sort things for myself and ds the best way I could (although this did not include feeding dh).

LOL yes it is, especially with the weather the way it is, doesn't help.

DH contributes to the washing and other stuff though doesn't he so he should help. Mine uses all the sodding towels in the house just for one shower i could throttle him
If he whines i don't feed him any more after i posted a thread the other day and received some wonderful (IMO NOT HIS LOL) advice. He moaned about my 'soupbowl' cups of tea and looked suitably shocked when the cuppa was took quietly out of his hands and tipped down the sink. I suppose he was also shocked when he obv. expected that i would make another smaller one. Then i explained that rather than moaning, he could have tipped a little bit of the tea out. Not a thought that had crossed his puny brain i guess.
He called me a cunt the other day. After advice on said thread, i told him that i was not a cunt and if he continued to call me one i would give him a good reason to. Like, not doing anything for him. Making him look after his own kids. You know the kind of thing
We went shopping on saturday and he walzed off and left me as i couldn't keep up (he was walking, i was pushing pram) so, when i did catch up with him, i made sure EVERYONE stopped and looked at me by shouting at him "Thanks for walking off and leaving me to struggle in the toilet with your three week old son" To which he hissed in my face that if i didn't speak to him properly that he would "Knock me the fuck out" Well i thought this sentiment also deserved to be shared with the public so repeated it v loudly.. with an addition so it came out like "So..i have just given birth to your baby and you are going to knock me the fuck out. Right. And are you going to do that now, or wait till we are at home?"
Embarrassment seems to work very well on my DP and as he is so used to me sitting and taking his crap i do declare he was very shocked
Don't think he will be repeating this behaviour any time soon. And he keeps looking at me like the aliens have abducted his girlfriend and replaced her with, well, a cunt lol.

Please don't accept that your DH won't help, what is he? Victorian or something? Mine is a dipshit and needs a push but even he will do something.. even before i became his worst nightmare Do what NAB says and concentrate on you and baby first, do nothing for DH and let the bugger learn how to cook or starve. He won't appreciate you until things you do are withdrawn.
Best of luck chick and you are doing really well IMO with your baby.. sod the house ok it will keep xx

Ah and if it helps someone sent me this the other day

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it , live it and never give it back.

it does sound to me like you've got pnd. i had similar.

it lasted until i stopped bf dd1 when i suddenly could have a little bit of my old life back.

some things that really helped me, and i accept that they sound trite, but they worked.

1. can you get someone to come and look after your baby while you go out for a coffee? do this once a week at least.
2. omega 3 helped enormously. such that if i didn't have my daily dose i really noticed. so buy salmon and smoked mackerel and have a bit for lunch everyday.
3. if you can't face going out the house, make sure you do internet shopping and get the right foods in.
4. sort out your sleep. sounds like your dc is sleeping enough to allow you the odd good night but you can't make use of it. this website gives very good tips on sorting out sleep problems. it sorted me out after years of insomnia. you don't have to buy the cd that they're plugging. i didn't.

all the best and it WILL get better.

Bluesapphire-He sounds like a gem too.
I feel a bit bad badmouthing DH as he DID have DS on Saturday while I went on a course. It is, however, the fourth day in 10 months that he's done. Always because I'm on a course. Am considering faking a few courses and heading for a spa...
You'll all be pleased to know that I have put the washing in AND unloaded the dishwasher.
As regards how I feel about DS? I love every minute I am with him(except occasionally at 3 am, but that MUST be normal) and would rather sit on the floor and play "what noise does that animal make" (his fave atm) for 2 hours than scrub the floor. I do not want to miss his babyhood...it's already going too quickly.

Forgot to add that DS started refusing a bottle of EBM at 4 months, so nobody has been able to help for too long at a time. This morning I tried again(as I do every Monday and shhhh...mustn't say it...he took 2 oz. This does make me feel slightly better as even when he was with DH he wouldn't go near any milk so have been winding myself up into a frenzy about how I could ever give up BF. I feel that I need to, as it will either help with how I am feeling or will give me the freedom to take AD's if I need to. I know there are some that you can take and BF, but it just doesn't sit well with me.

How are you today turtle?
Hope you're ok. I haven't done a SCRAP of housework today been chatting to DS instead. Washing up and ironing are glaring at me and demanding to be done but what the hell lol

Forgot to say in between bouts of doing nothing i have also been MN'ing

Thanks, Blue. I am tired. I just feel like a rubbish mum. Need to try and get control again.