Been in "red alert" state of anxiety all day - im slipping, please help.

[LucyEllensmummy]

OMG - i don't believe it!! I feel like im slipping and slippind dangerously! It is bourne out of our financial situation im sure, but DP is dealing with it, his work isn't going well just now - but its HIS problem. WHY why why am i reacting to it like it is mine? Because i can't control it thats why!! So im trying not to get on his case, im trying not to whine and carry on - but he knows there is something wrong and he is being nice to me - i am anxious because i keep thinking he is going to explode so i feel on "red alert" all the time. Blaming myself yadda yadda yadda. Had a terrible day today - DP working, getting bloody good money for a days work so im not complaining, but ive just hated that he hasn't been here. I needed him today, but i couldn't tell him that. I visited my fathers grave, i felt that might give me some peace - it did, a little.

Thing is, you all know how ive posted about our finances in the past, i don't want to go on about that, its very cyclical - sometimes things are good - sometimes things are shit, DP and i are sort of resigned to it and think it could be worth it to make the business a success. But im in a state of constant panic - im pretty sure my blood pressure is through the roof as my head was pounding after i walked up the cemetary today (its on a hill). Been totally on edge all day - tried my best to be calm with lovely DD but had to keep busy, and that meant doing random housework chores and not really engaging with her much. We went for lunch together (my mum gave me some money to do this).

DP still not home, im not bothered now - DD is in bed, i enjoyed putting her to bed and actually while i was reading to her, i stopped myself short because i didnt feel panicked.

WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS - a few weeks ago i was talking to my counsellor about stopping my medication, but this past few days have been hell - i feel like i need MORE!

How can i break this cycle - its killing me

HiLEM,

I don't have any answers I'm afraid,but do sympathise.I suffer fro anxiety related to control issues and know how life consuming it can be.

So far,no treatment has worked for me,I'd love to know how to break the cycle too.

What treatment/meds are you trying ATM?

Im on 40mg citalopram (washed down with copious amounts of alcohol of late ).

I'm having counselling, its OK - but i tend to just go and whinge for an hour. I think my counsellor is bored with me.

I think cbt might be more helpful than counseling. It is meant to be very good for anxiety.

I've had it, and love it in principle, but putting into actual reality is much harder!

fizzbuzz,I'm glad CBT is working for you.I'm seeing the CBT team,but they won't suggest it for me,for some reason.I'm desperate to try it,as my anxiety is phobia related and I encounter it several times a day.I can't change the situation,but need to change how I react to it instead.Sadly,I keep getting fobbed off with trying other treatments,which don't work.Each time something doesn't work,I feel worse than before,and am getting to the stage where I'm permanently depressed about having to spend the rest of my life like this.

LEM,do you find that the citalopram helps at all?

LEM.sorry you feel stressed.ok,look at your stressors and triggers things cause deterioration for you

how can you manage these triggers
what things do you have to do
what can you delegate to dh?
can you keep a diary of things
are you taking too much on

what support from cmht or counsellor
do you have action plan/what to do when in crisis?

at mo i wouldn't take any hasty decisions about meds talk to your GP

Furious - yes, the citalopram does help - it takes the edge off. But i have had to take some other tablets today that my GP recommended i stopped taking. I kept them as they are only meant for one off stresses.

Scottish mummy - my trigger this time is debt and everything is crashing down around our ears - My DP unbeknown to me, had stopped opening letters - now we have a possesion order on the car over unpaid council tax - even though, when i phoned to pay the other day the woman didn't mention it to me . We have creditors jumping up and down and they all want their money NOW!! This is because we have had our head in the sand - i thought DP was on top of things, but really deep down i knew this was happening so i am not blaming him at all.

I can make this better by getting a job (im highly qualified but have no experience) but today the thought of leaving my DD with a CM made me actually physically collapse - my legs just went from under me - she is in play school in the mornings and I happily leave her there - i dont want to take her out of this school though, she starts school in september and i dont want her chopping and changing. Ive been shouted at so many times on here to get a job, please don't do that to me now - I KNOW i should get a job, not just for the money, im finding it increasingly difficult being at home all day - by the time DP comes home, i feel like a caged tiger!

We opened all the letters this weekend and its much worse than we thought - its looking like we will lose our house. I am now terrified that they will take my DD away from us if we have no where to live!

This is such a mess - and its totally my fault - but i want to fight it - i just don't know how. Ive had a knot in my chest all day, and have even been having pains - i feel sick - DP has gone to bed

yikes,sounds scary and stressful.you both need to get a plan and consider debt management strategiesyou need to both be straight and ascertain the extent/amount of debt.as scary as that is.it is better to know what you're facing

don't be avoidant,maintain contact offer to pay something
draw up a budgeting plan
call the bank and your creditors.if you cant face it go to CAB,get some free support and advice.or any free legal advice centres.at the moment you will understandably see this as worst possible scenario.sounds as if you are experiencing a lot of stress

take action immediately,even if dh wont.it will get worse if avoided.you are a couple this is not your sole fault.unfortunately with the recession etc times are tough

Thankyou SM - right now i want someone to make it all better for me - but of course that is not going to happen. Will look at the site, saved it for DP, as he is the one who has his name on everything and has to contact the creditors. Scary is not the word - i just feel in constant panic

I am actually worried i might be having a breakdown - having some very strange thoughts

DP is going to take the day off tomorrow and we are going to try and get things sorted out. We have been trying to pay off as much as we can of our debts (about 10K) as we get money, but then it leaves us with nothing - we are going to try and negotiate some minimum payments for a bit until things get better.

I am going to look for a job. There is a graduate teacher position at my old school - now that could be fate? I hope we can sort this out, i don't want to lose our home as i WILL blame myself. I know my DP is not without fault, but he just tries to do the right thing, for everyone - he is the most selfless person i know - when i stop to think, he just works and works and works and for what? I need to step up to the plate - but im TERRIFIED.

scottishmummy I just wanted to THANK YOU - your kind and frank words have spurred us into action - we are getting things sorted out, its not fantastic, but possibly not as bad as we thought. It really does just take hearing it from soneone lese sometimes

morning!hokey cokey.hope things resolve for you.it is scary situation for you

Well, we have managed to come to agreements with all of our creditors - it buys us some time, I will probably need to get a job, which is fine because DD starts school in September and im lucky that i have been able to stay at home this long. Will hopefully be able to find a part time job to start - build my confidence back up.