What's wrong with me? Is it depression

[idontlikehaggis]

I have had several bouts of depression in the past usually brought on by life-events. Have been feeling fine for a while but suddenly I'm not for no apparent reason. All going well in life am SAHM but Mortgage paid off so no real money worries. Just feeling really grumpy & out of sorts all the time, snapping at DH & DCs, eating too much and just very down. Not sleeping well either. I just can't decide if it is depression. Scared to go to GP as don't want to be on ADs again as they make me feel really 'spaced-out'

It's the start of the year and the weather is a bit grim, have you got a touch of SAD as opposed to full blown depression?

I had awful depression 10 years ago and just let myself get through winter as best I can, lots of fresh air, chocolate and the gym.

As a person with depression right now - it does sound like it might be. I resisted tablets for so long and have been on them for over 2 years now.

I get like that. I'm just coming out of a bout of depression. There can often be no real reason, that's the cruelty of depression. Let me link something for you...

Here

Thank you Rhubarb a bit pushed for time but will read it all later

Oh Rhubarb this is fab! Although have been eating too much it's all rubbish so made some soup & had 2 huge bowlfuls & feel a bit better. Think I'm going to try some of these ideas first before resorting to the docs. Lots of stuff I can do so I'll start tomorrow - making a list now........... Thank you

idontlikehaggis, I love your MN name (even tho' I love haggis!). I felt same, went to Dr and he got me counselling, not ADs. It's really helping.

How are you today then?

I've just been through a bout myself, it happens every so often, so far I've steered clear of ADs although they did really want me to take them during my last pregnancy.

It's a struggle, and even now in the mornings I don't want to face reality, I don't want to talk or move, I feel sick with despair. But I tell myself that I have no choice, I have to go to work, I have to take the kids to school, I have to carry on. And so I do.

The worst thing about depression is that it doesn't need a reason to be. Like any illness, it doesn't need a trigger, it can just attack at any time. So trying to explain to someone why you feel down is a nightmare and often you'll end up making shit up just to justify why you feel that way.

If you need to talk, let me know. Hope you're doing better today.

Thanks Rhubarb I'm a bit better today. Made a list & got through some of it & before I knew it it was time to pick dcs up from school. Did some housework so the place looks a bit tidier so that makes a difference to my mood. It's just like you said it doesn't need a reason which is why I'm finding it sooooo frustrating. On the face of it my life is more sorted than it's been in years so why am I feeling like this? I think that's what my DH doesn't get either and I cant explain it to him which is causing problems between us. I'm allergic to loads of meds but have been on fluoxetine & citalopram in the past. Really dont want to go back on meds this time
cheapskatemum i namechanged for this because I'm too to admit feeling like this but I quite like my new name too so think i might keep it

Why not explain to your dh that depression is an illness. If he came down with the flu he couldn't tell you why he got it could he? Or what set it off? Or how long he'll have it for?

That's one of the things people find hardest to understand, that it is an illness. It's an imbalance, something you have no control over. Yes you can try and treat it yourself, just like you can self med any illness, but it takes time, and understanding from loved ones is crucial.

Show him this thread if you think it'll help some. Tell him too what you are trying to do to treat yourself, if he sees that you are trying then he'll find it easier to help.

I've been lurking on this thread. It's been very helpful to see other people putting into words how I feel, and reading people's responses (and Rhubarb's excellent list!)

Haggis, your post sounds just like me - no motivation, very out of sorts, not really enjoying enjoyable things, IYSWIM. Comfort eating and then feeling shit. I have only really started to acknowledge my symptoms might be depression over the last few days and when I mentioned it to DH last night he said that he had been wondering if I should go to the doctors too. So maybe I will, but I'm not sure what they will offer apart from AD's (perhaps I'm not ready for them yet?) or a long waiting list for CBT? It's more about telling someone, really, and someone telling me it's OK to feel like this and it's not my fault for being too crap to sort myself out.

It annoys me how much stigma can still be attached to depression, and how little people understand it - and how there doesn't have to be a 'cause' for it. I do feel bad that other people must look at my life and think that I have got a lot to be thankful for - which I do have - and that I should pull myself together - but it doesn't work like that. So I'm going to work my way through Rhubarb's list and see how things go.

Hi smelly, let's be depressed together
Had a long chat with DH last night and although he still doesn't get it i'm hoping he'll be a bit more supportive. Like you I know I have much to be thankful for, nice house, 2 lovely dcs, no money worries & believe me I DO know how lucky I am in the current climate but it doesn't make any difference when I'm feeling so crap. Rhubarb's list is good though & at least I feel i'm doing something to help before resorting to the docs. Btw what's CBT? Kids off school today because of snow so don't know how today will go but will just try to have some fun

Hello haggis?

Sorry, not posted for a couple of days as trying to be good and do work when kids are in bed. Plus snow, obviously (seems to be an excuse for everything so why not?)

CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy - basically a way of helping with negative thoughts, I think, although I've never tried it.

I've not been doing so well with Rhubarb's list - I've booked a hair cut for today, but then I keep telling myself I'd be much better off going for a swim instead, and then thinking I could do both, but then telling myself I need to work and haven't in fact got time to do either - but won't end up working, as I'll just be fretting about what to do all day. Indecisive, moi? I think that's one of the worst aspects for me - I'm usually so decisive, but this mood makes me paralysed by choices.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I hope you're OK and had fun in the snow.

Hi smelly sorry you're not doing so well. I went to the chemist & got some tonic, that plus a decent night's sleep seems to have helped a bit. DH was at home yesterday too because of snow so busied myself with list & actually got quite a lot done. Went sledging too which did lift my mood a bit. Am thinking this is a long term problem for me & I should get some serious help. Seem to spend most of my life feeling down for no apparent reason. When I went to a hypnotherapist for insomnia she was convinced it all stemmed back to my childhood but that made me feel guilty because I felt I was blaming my parents. Don't know where to go for help. Not convinced GP is the best for this.
Anyway enough of my moaning hope you are feeling better with a fab new hairdo

Hi people, just happened across this thread and was relieved to see it wasn't just me feeling this way. I've suffered from depression on and off since being a teenager and things have got worse over the last year - I thought I'd escaped PND (ds is now 18 months) but then we moved house (to a new area) when ds was 7 months and things started going wrong and I've been in a state of depression and anxiety all year. Now planning another move but wracked with indecision and also guilt about how it will affect ds. Agh.

Rhubarb's list looks good as it encourages you do small things - anything more than that can seem so overwhelming. Smellyeli, the haircut/swim indecision sounds so familiar....