ante-natal depression seems to be kicking in again, fed up

[minxofmancunia]

Am 7+3 pg. very wanted pregnancy, was v worried cos of previous pregnancy but had scan on Fir at EPU showed little bean with lovely heratbeat.

But now it's all started the same again as with dd (she 2.4) irritability, anger, no motivation feeling on the brink of an explosion all the time, panic about doing anything. Haven't got the energy or patience to deal with dd properly. Being a shit mum let her eat her ready brek on the sofa today instead of the table. letting her watch too much tv, only with her one day a week and not being a very good mum at all.

the thought of work tomorrow is crippling me. the house has gone to shit it's dirty filthy mess and poor dd is still in her pyjamas.

I had 9 months of this before that then went on into another year of self-diagnosed pnd which has affected my attachment to dd to this day . Health professionals didn't believe me when I said i was worried about depression said "you don't look depressed". Also have insomnia despite being in a cloud of tiredness.

Can't talk to anyone because I'm supposed to be thrilled about this pg which in my head I am but in my soul I feel so flat as if i don't exist. Poor dd so unfair on her.

I'm an RMN and a CBT therapist too so should know better really!

Poor you!

Being a health professional only makes it worse I think; we feel it shouldn't happen to us.

I've been told "you don't look depressed" etc etc and struggled to be diagnosed as PND. I'm sure you know enough to know whther you have AND again or not, but maybe Google on it anyway and reassure yourself you are NOT the only one!

Hang in there, it WILL be worth it, but it is rubbish.

If you are getting sickness, maybe you will be feeling better next trimester?!?

hi hon,

really sorry you are going through this, i totally understand how you feel and i am sending you lots of hugs i too suffered badly with AD when pregnant with ds1. i looked great on the outside but suffered badly inside and had insomnia too.

i was offered on tap counselling at the hospital which helped, does your hospital have this?

please be kind to yourself, treat yourself to massages, chocolate, go to cinema/watch films where you can detach yourself from real life.

does your dd go to nursery? if not maybe a day or a couple mornings a week will help? as for the cleaning, can you get a cleaner once a week/fortnight to help?

chin up and do hang in there, like beakysmum says it will be worth it, things do always get better when you are at the bottom

xxxx

sorry ignore my bit on nursery! my fault trying to mn while holding tired baby!

Like you, I suffered AND and also PND - I'm a nurse and trained as a counsellor and felt terrible for suffering something that I studied adn worked with but we can't help the illnesses we develop and its no reflection on us as mums
As the others have said, keep talking to women who have suffered, or are going throug it now, in order to help you see you are not alone.
there's a good site here
and also a lady called Delphi Ellis (I think?) has lots of info about AND too.
SS xx

Hi

Hope today is OK for you. Another thought; keep asking for help. Find a friendly GP; and then you can ask for what you probably know is out there.

I found that I got lots more help second time around as it had happened before and I'm promised that if ever I have a third (!) I would get help from conception if that is what I want. Wish they gave that level of help first time round, it's not fair on first babies )-:

I had this in my pregnancy. Came from nowhere, just apppeared one day at about 6 weeks.

I was put on amitriptiline which is an older but very safe AD. It sorted my insomnia out big time as well......

hth