Name changing (again) for reasons that will become obvious...
Many years ago - pre children - I struggled with anxiety and depression. This was over a period of about 12 years, starting when I was at uni. It would come and go - generally it would be at its worst for roughly 3 month periods about once every 18 months or so. During these periods I would spend whole days at work squeezed into a corner with my hands over my eyes - until someone found me and took me home, or thinking about how to kill myself (I never tried though). I would develop phobias simple things and innocuous places (shared space in the house I lived in for example), and cities became confusing scary places.
I was lucky - I had very understanding employers and plenty of help. For the past 10 years I've been fine - happy and relatively confident. However, just recently, I'm finding that memories of these events are beginning to haunt me. I'm finding myself thinking about them several times a day and it is slowly undermining my confidence. Maybe it is because it is cold and dark outside, or because I'm a bit stressed - but it feels as if I'm been dragged back down by these memories.
How do you come to terms with things that have happened in the past without letting them interfere with your day to day life? I don't want to revisit those memories - just thinking about them makes me feel dizzy and panicky. I just want rid of them.