pissed off and seething and internalising it

[naswm]

1. I wasnt going to come on to mn today after wasting far too much time on here yesterday (like most of the day)

2)I wasnt going to drink today after drinking a bit too much lately

3. I did come on mn

4. I am drinking

dh was due home early this evening (a long ago pre existing arrangement to babysit so I could go to a tutorial - I only manage to get to about half of them, and this one was important). But he got 'stuck at work' and didnt make it home in time. But I wasnt anhgry wtih him, I didnt scream and shout, I ended up saying that it was okay cos I was tired. What an idiot. Because I am angry - except it is all inside me - and now I am beating myself up about the fact that I let him walk all over me .

So I am very pissed off and am seething inside and am taking it all out on myself because I am such an idiot I cannot express it

This is a vicious circle and I dont know how to break it

Oh naswm I am sorry to hear this, you were very sweet to me yesterday on an allergy thread so I just wanted to send you a hug.

I really do not know anything about how to help you but just wanted you to know someone was reading your post.

Do you not scream and shout as you are worried about what he might say or do?

All I can say is that you must not beat yourself up, it is natural to be angry at this sort of thing especially if you feel you are being walked all over. If you don't feel that you can speak to DH about it why don't you write down how you feel, in a letter which you don't actually have to send to him or show anyone if you don't want to. It can sometimes help to get things out instead of having them going around and around and becoming deep seated.

Could you see someone to talk about how you feel? Do you have a friend or family member who could act as a confident?

I am really sorry but I am dead beat and am going to have to go to bed. Please try to be kinder to yourself, don't beat yourself up. Try to rationalise that next time you will try to express how you feel. There is no need to shout and scream, perhaps just try to tell him how disapointed you are?

I will try to log in again tomorrow but hope you can get a good nights sleep in the meantime. x

OMG! I do this too!!!!!

Not (quite) the same thing, but at the weekend, DH took my DSDs out and I stayed in and cleaned. He did say 'do you want to go?' but I felt it had already been arranged etc., etc,. so I said no, stayed in and cleaned and then felt really that THAT was my Sunday.

But, in fairness to DH I did say I wouldn't go... even though I wanted to...

I'm not sure that's of any help, but I wanted to say I understand.

OMG! I do this too!!!!!

Not (quite) the same thing, but at the weekend, DH took my DSDs out and I stayed in and cleaned. He did say 'do you want to go?' but I felt it had already been arranged etc., etc,. so I said no, stayed in and cleaned and then felt really that THAT was my Sunday.

But, in fairness to DH I did say I wouldn't go... even though I wanted to...

I'm not sure that's of any help, but I wanted to say I understand.

Haribo, I must admit I have done that before, it is like cutting your nose off to spite your face eh? You get so far down the line, I cannot then seem to bring myself to admit out loud that I want to go as the group dynamic would change and maybe they all wanted a trip without me and and and,,,, hmmmm, I don't know. It can be so hard to solve and so easy to get so upset about.

Right, I really am off to bed now!

thanks for the posts - I was in bed before you posted last night, but have just read them now, thank you

my problem (well one of them) regarding the anger thing with dh is that I am repressed. So it isnt really about him at all.

I see a pycshotherapist once a week - and have also seen my psychiatrist today (which was tough today) - so I do get opportunities to 'talk'. And we are trying to deal with my problems, but it is a a very slow and long process and I am sick of it tbh

thank you for posting, I appreciate it