Sorry this will probably be quite long!
Right...my mother...she is very volatile, swings from one mood to the next very quickly, can be quite nasty and can also be very nice (although you never know if it is just for show or not)
The problem atm (because we always have problems) is that she is being quite unreasonable towards my sister. My sister has twin boys and also works during the week and at weekends. My mother for quite while now has been suggesting that my sister does not want her around her children and this has just escalated. It started on Christmas day of all days, when my sister called in the morning to say she couldn't get round there that morning as htey were going to their neighbours for lunch, but that mum and dad were more than welcome to come over for tea. Mum went off on one and shouited in the room (dad was on the phone at the time) that 'She doesn't want us to be a part of the childrens lives, she doesn't want to come here ever' My sister tried to talk to her and mum switched back to being all nice again. The point was (and I can see this very clearly) THAT MY SISTER WAS GOING NEXT DOOR FOR LUNCH, WANTED TO HAVE A FEW DRINKS (AS YOU DO ON cHRISTMAS DAY..ooops sorry caps lock!) and so couldn't drive later. She thought as dad doesn't drink, the obvious solution would be for mum and dad to visit them.
So as I say, this has escalated to a silly point. Mum is refusing to go to my sisters, but still also saying she hasn't seen the boys and my sister will not go over there as she doesn't know how my mum will react. My mum has behaved very unreasonably in front of my nephews and they remember it.
So now my dad is trying to be go between, buuut I'm not entirely sure if he isn't just fuelling the fire as it were.
Dad had a major heart attack nearly 2 years ago and we almost lost him. Mum went all doolally about that...not just because of what happened but because she didn't want the responsibility. She was telling everyone she had never loved him (including us) she never wanted children and was disappearing all of the time. So as well as having Dad to worry about, we also had to deal wwith her.
She had a wierd upbringing as my grandfather was a bit odd. He sexually abused myself and my sister for many in my case (but commited suicide when he was arrested) and she was always a very scary woman when we were young...much the same as she is now tbh. So i think some of her personality stems from him.
Now my sister is saying she doesn't know what to do and thinks she needs sectioning. I don't know and have also told her that unless mum admits to something being wrong, there isn't much we can do about it. Dad is apparently looking very ill again too (she can be pretty horrible to him, but he won't leave her...he should have many moons ago!)
I had all of this up until 8 years ago when I moved 4 hours away. I am now 2 hours away and will never move closer to them again...for this very reason! I am the eldest daughter and havbe always had o take on responsibility for how my younger siblings are, but recently I have stepped back a bit because tbh it does me no good at all. I know mum and dad will never change no matter what we do.
Atm, I am kind of in a place whereby if we are near to where mum and dad live, we will take our boys to see them (doesn't happen that often, but I do always take them) They don't visit us, despite the invitations to sunday lunch etc and now I just feel that I will do my basic duty as the mother of their grandchildren and allow them contact, but I am trying hard not to get involved.
But this is it, do I call my mother and try to mediate? Or do I just let them get on with it? I don't know!!