Want to start celebrating every day of existence. Not religious, but how to create a state of grace?

[lovelessbroad]

I have been a really purse lipped old cunt lately.

Admittedly I have had a right time of it, but
I HATE the way I am being/behaving. For instance I am going through a slow and stagnant process of separation, and this morning I totally lost it with h in front of my sick dd. I was shouting and shaking and weeping histrionically and being VILE. I would have laughed at myself if I had seen myself behaving like that.

I want to encourage my kids to take each day as it comes and to celebrate things - sky sea sun leaves etc - that are simple and beautiful - but I am torn up with all the stuff that is going on with me, and am failing deeply at it.

I don't know actually if it belongs in mental health, but I will never be religious and also I am maybe a hypocrite because I am deeply ambitious for myself and my kids and I am still trying to carve a career path for myself, even though, with two kids, and about to be single, and in my late 30s, probably more sensible people would give up by now and accept a smaller life.

Am I wrong to still want these things, and how can I equate this with some kind of equanimity/accepting of the limitations that go with being a mother?

Does ANY of this make sense?

Have you come across the "Poem for the Day" books? They are poem for each day of the year, which can be quite nice for getting your mind into the right "zone".

here

Or something possibly similar on the TFL website here if you want to do it online.

you make perfect sense to me. i don't think you can expect too much of yourself just yet as you've a lot on your plate. but your ambition to celebrate is brilliant. any chance you could get out and join a community choir? when i did that it lifted my spirits tremendously and in an ongoing way. plus i made a new social life.... google natural voice practitioners for some links. you don't have to be a good singer, btw. it's just everyday people.