Has anyone had EMDR - feeling very down

[Mithered]

Name changed as I don't usually post on here but do lurk for advice.
Had depression diagnosed for 8 years and was on Seroxat then. Have had 2 courses of CBT plus some "pyschotherapy" but not sure about the validity of the pyschotherapist as was a work related referral.

DS is 2.5 and DD is 8 months. Was diagnosed with PND after DS but tried to battle it myself with St Johns Wort and exercise. Whilst pregnant with DD midwife referred me to GP who tried to prescribe Fluoxtine but decided not to take whilst I was pregnant.

Once DD was born I was started taking Sertraline and dosage increased to 150g. Still feeling very low and unable to cope.I was assessed by mental health nurse at hospital who suggested change of medication to Venfalaxine which am currently changing to.

As well as this I have started a course of EMDR. I have had 2 sessions and am feeling worse than ever as it is bringing a lot of emotions out and I feel like I am at rock bottom and want to run away and can't cope with anything. Externally I dont show any of this as I bottle it all up and am an expert at putting on a brave face to the outside world.

I don't want to bore you with all the details of family life but wanted some reassurance that someone has had a positive experience with EMDR.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I haven't heard of the switching before but sounds really interesting. I haven't had any more memories since I last posted but don't know if it is because I am getting so anxious that I am suppressing it all.

Got my next session at 10am today and am dreading it. Both DC have been playing up and was up in the night with DD who is teething. Have been shouting at DS and feel awful as I am the adult and should be able to control myself

Deep breaths, deep breaths

Morning mithered, you are going to be fine - you are right about the deep breaths.

I am struggling as well today -so need to take my own advice.

Hi mithered hope it goes well today

I suppose all the bad things have to come out for you to move on,but sometimes you have to go slowly or it can be overwhelming.

how was it Mithered? HUGE amounts of empathy winging its way to you. Let us know how you are if you can

nas
x

Thank you so much for the support. Well I went although I was crying on the way there and getting very upset. I have to write down trigger events; images, thoughts and sensations that these provoke.

When the therapist looked at them she identified that we had been concentrating on a different area than that she believes is the root of the problem. That is what we were discussing today and I was more angry than upset IYSWIM.

She did say that a lot of people feel as though EMDR is the last resort as it is a painful therapy and patients will have tried most other avenues before they get to this point. She was very reassuring.

I have got a long way to go but at least I am still on the path to get there. Feeling pretty grim now as it has brought up a lot of painful memories. One that struck a chord was my dad telling me that they used to put me in my cot screaming and crying when I had been "naughty" for 2 hours at a time when I was 2 years old FFS. Apparently I was a very "wilful" child. Well not any more they soon knocked that out of me.

Greyskull how are you doing now btw. Is your day getting any better? Am taking DCs out now for a walk to see if fresh air helps/sends them to sleep. Back later

thanks for asking Mithered, have not been great but DH now home and has taken control.

going away for weekend, hope you have a calm one.

So sorry for those painful memories Mithered. You have my total empathy there. I am mid therapy and am really struggling with memories and flashbacks. My 38 year long coping strategy has been to hide those things by very destructive means, but I know now that that only pushes them further down isnide me and doenst help in the long run.

I hope the walk helped. I will be around later - prob about 8ish if you want to chat more

nas
x

Greyskull - hope you enjoy your weekend away and that it helps to rebalance you.

Nas - what sort of therapy are you in at the moment? My 36 year long coping strategy has been to be compliant and a people pleaser ultimately suppressing any of my emotions. This also pushes them all inside.

My therapist explained that negative anger will be directed either internally causing guilt or externally causing aggression. I feel guilty about absolutely everything and have major anxiety and panic attacks too.

The walk helped but have listened to my relaxation CD so feeling calmer now. the trouble is that because all my feelings are so raw I can't explain it to my DH who thinks I am shutting him out again

Sorry I missed you last night Mithered. Glad the walk helped you.

I work with a pyschotherapist who uses a variety of schools of techniques, including psychdymanic and NLP to name a couple. That seems to be the best thing for me atm. I am waiting to begin an intense course of DBT though, which is a daunting prospect, but, something I have never tried, so I am prepared to give it a go.

I developed a very destructive way of suprpessing my emotions at a very young age - I started self harming at 5. I recognise now that the things I did were life savers at the time (I was threatened if I made a noise, or told anyone what was going on) and over the years those behvaiours became my defaults. Unfortunately now I struggle with various destructive 'coping' strategeie and have multiple addictions.

One of my major problems is that my anger is still buried deep down. I havent yet been able to blame anyone for the thigns that cuased me to react as I did/do. But we are workign on that.

Mithered, if you want to chat offboard do CAT me. I have to go now - the DC go to drama school on Saturdays - but I expect I will be on the pc this evening.

Much love and empathay

nas
x

Hi nas
Thanks for sharing with me. I have heard of DBT which does sound quite intense but has good results so fingers crossed for you.

Have kept my self busy all weekend mainly as I don't want to think

Thanks for all your support. I will be back tomorrow

I know all about the keeping busy to prevent thinking strategy. My friends are constantly telling me to slow down or to take it easy, but it hurts more if I do.

Sending you lots of love and encouragement

nas
x

Hi is anyone around tonight? I had another session of EMDR today and found it very painful. Therapist thinks I have PTSD due to work related incidents on top of depression so am having session of hypnosis next wk to give me a break.

Feeling a bit low as she thought we would see positive results within a short time and I don't feel it is moving quickly enough. I really thought I would feel much better by now but I don't. Rationally I know that I need to take it at my brain's pace but emotionally I want this to be over.

I do keep wanting to run away from everything but am trying to keep strong. Any words of advice?

Hi mithered if it is ptsd it is extremely painful,but it will go.Are you finding it hard to clear your head of thoughts and memories?

Hi morning sun I ended up going to bed early and listening to my relaxation CD. Was still awake from about 1am though! Yes finding it hard to clear head of thoughts and memories and am constantly anxious. Feeling slightly better this morning though.

am glad you feel bit better this am.I think the early mornings and evenings were the worst,it felt as if i was watching the clock for the day to finish.
Hope you have good dayx

Morning, I just wanted to let everyone on here who supported me how much better I am feeling at the moment. I feel like a cloud has been lifted and I haven't cried for 2 weeks - shock horror!

The EMDR sessions have really improved and I am not getting any flashback memories. I am not out of the woods yet but I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel.

I have also started taking venaflaxine so don't know if that has something to do with it as well but I don't care! I feel like I am taking my life back after my parents have ruined it for the last 36 years.

I have also started running again which has really helped me. Am feeling more confident about me although DC been ill all weekend. I realised that how I was feeling is how everyone feels when their children are ill and you are getting no sleep - not because I am depressed.

thats great mithered, really pleased for you

so pleased for you mithered, have been thinking about you.

After my optimism of Monday things have been spiralling downwards this week. I do think my trigger has been lack of sleep and dealing with tired and crank DC. Plus my very close friend who is a counsellor was asking pertinent questions about my marriage which is an area I am not yet ready to explore. Session 10 tomorrow. Wish me luck

hope it goes well for you tomorrowx