i feel so worthless

[DaftKid]

ive changed my name for this as i sound pathetic, but..its my birthday today,
i got a card from my mum, my dp and dd and one of my brother.
my two best friends havent been in touch, my close auntie and cousins, my s.i.l, nor my friends mum whom i really close too none of them have rang, sent a card, nothing.
been feeling really low all day and havent enjoyed the day one bit.
dd played up all day and acts like she hates me and i feel like i dont matter anymore, feel like im nobody and sick of going out of my way for everybody when no one takes the time out to consider me.

sorry, i said it sounds stupid and childish, but i just feel so sad

hi again hun

i've had a really nice day today
dd slept till around 4.30 , but dozed on and off in back bed with me till 6ish..only way i could get her to stop going on about getting up was to open window so she could hear birds singing..but then she kept going..wow..birds singing..oooh..nice
couldnt help but laugh at her
went out to mams and dd walked all the way!, she loves walking and pointing things out and pressing the button at the traffic lights and with it being a nice day, it was a lovely walk even if it did take ages!
she slept in her stroller after my mams when i called to supermarket, but only had 1/2 hour?, went to bed at 7.45 tonight so am keeping everything crossed that she has a good night!

very nice of you to offer youre help
whats it like were you live?, my grandad used to love going to Jersey and Gurnsey with saga!!! and friend of mine moved over their too..must have heard about you

started sitting back a bit and letting other people do things with DD, like dp and my mam(although is difficult with mam as we're just back friends again after a terrible time through my pg and in first year of dd's life, still, she's trying to make up for it now and im forever giving people the benefit of the doubt!
she enjoyed it today and so did i cos i let her run round playing with dd while i had lunch and read mams chat magazines!, bet mam is knackerd tonight!!

its her birthday party on 17th of this month..we're having a bouncy castle soft play party(not much else too do at this age?) and have been going mad on tinternet ordering loads of dora the explorer stuff
still havent bought her pressys yet though!

my Hv organised a CPN to come round and she visits each month..i find her really helpful and makes me understand a lot of things plus today doubled my dose of AD's so that should be helping if these ones do me any good???hope so

dd's gone from telling me to go away to constantly huggin, kissing and telling me she loves me all day, i know she doesnt really understand what shes saying, just when you fel crap you take evrything to heart dont you?
think a lot of it is down to me and how im feeling cos todays been great and ive been happy and so has she..she kept asking for her daddy and telling me about how he had to get a taxi home with shopping then go and fix the car..shes nearly 2 going on 32!!
and today have really enjoyed being with her

so ..after me bending your ear

hows your day been..ive just realised that i dont know much about you other than you have one Ds and live in guernsy(sp)????

what did your dh go to cinema to see other night??i facy watching Hitch..only cause will smiths in it
am hoping to go soon with friend as they do 8.30 showings at ucg near us, so could put dd to bed and go straight there

anyway, wont blather on any more

hope you have a lovely day tomorrow
take care
J.xx

Evening Fraid it will be a short post tonight as promised dh we'd have quality time [wink} Poss not here tomorrow either as hoping to sit doewn in front of a DVD for the eve (The Incredibles!) Just wanted to say hi, and how are you today?

Glad to hear you had such a good day yest, and hope the night was ok too......4:30 sounds sooooo early - poor you! And great to hear that you are making up for lost time with your mum....feel very lucky as we tend to only have little tiffs, nothing too major.

Also glad to hear about the cpn - wish I'd had one (dr was very dismissive when I brought it up - this was ages ago - and at the time didn't have the strength to push for help) Glad yours is good, and fingers crossed re the ad's - no nasty side effects yet?

Hope you get to see Hitch soon - let me know what you think (heard its good.) Dh saw Constantine (sp?) the other night, but wasn't too impressed with it.

Me.....hmmmmm. I'm 27 (just), married to dh for 6 1/2 yrs (and he's still lovely!) 1 ds and THATS IT Live on Guernsey, population about 60k. Lovely place to live - pretty safe, good schools etc etc. Little isolating at times - not such a good choice of careers say, but high employment. Very pretty, always near a park or a beach though. Left school at 17, currently studying with the Open Uni (well, next course starting in Jan.) Have had a few jobs, last one before ds at local supplementary benefits office (not sure what the Eng equivelant is) and loved it. Curreently a SAHM, and hoping to be for a year or 2 yet.

Anyway, really must dash. It'd be good tha hear from you when you have a mo, and I'll be thinking about you over the next couple of days, even if I don't post.

Hugs xx

hiya hun

good on you spending some time with dh

i have been tonight inbetween watching supernanny and posting on here about american sizing!

had another good day today, got some stuff done round house which made me feel better..but after i got dd to sleep this afty, i got hoover out as she hates it so we avoid them meeting!, kept checking on her as couldnt hear much on monitor and she was fast asleep, so started doing the stairs..almost at bottom i heard a little bump, thinking it was just Eve bumping her head on bed as she slept, but as i went up to check..here she comes...out of her bed(cotbed with sides!!!)and opened bedroom door stood on landing telling me "done..hoover done?..send to moon now mammy!"

how on earth she didnt break something getting out ill never know, but she was fine afterwards and said she didnt hurt anywhere!!!!
felt terrible!, so we're going to take the sides off at weekend and go buy some safety rails so if she has to climb to get out, she wont/shouldnt hurt herself!
felt terrible!but was also funny later..like the great escape!

im a year older than you and dont plan having any more either!
been together with dp for ten years this may!
worked in loads of different jobs, but last one was for 6 years and managed a mobile phone shop, however they made me redundant when i was on maternity leave!, so had no job to return too which was one of the major factors in my pnd i feel!
so im also sahm, am planning to get myself better and eventually get back to work, hopefully doing something around school hours to make it easier for us.
live in middlesbrough at moment in questionable area because due to me not going back to work decided too sell our house, downsize(we had our first house round here but moved'on' in last one)
quiet most of time, but dont enjoy walking through to get to were im going
lovely 'house' though, we're getting it as we want it without spending too much as we hope to 'upgrade' again when i get back to work, but do feel really a thome in here now we're putting our mark on it
have just failed my 4th driving test my lifeine of not having to walk through this place and drive instead, got another one booked but am getting very disheartend.understandably i suppose

well gonna go off to bed now, hope you ahve a nice night tonight and tomorrow.
thanks for being such a good listener
take care and night to you all
xxxxx

Hiya

Well, hope you have been doing ok the last day or 2? Hate to admit it but have been a bit uppy-downy on the mood front - know the feeling? Nothing awful and it's the weekend soon so will hopefully have time to recharge the ol' batteries a bit.

I dread the day that ds climbs out of his cot - hasn't shown any sign of it yet, thankfully. Have been having dreams of him being up and about before us though!! Glad to hear there wss no damage done but bet you worried a bit!! Ds managed to pull half a watering can of water off the side in the kitchen this am and I felt terrible coz it COULD have been something hot

Was great to hear a bit more about you - dh and I have been together 10 yrs in July (althought only married 6.5.) Not sure at all about the law in Eng, but surely they can't make you redundant while on mat leave? Or did they come up with some clever excuse. That must have been horried and I can see how it wouldn't have helped with the pnd at all. Sure much of mine stems from bad birth experience (well the birth itself was okish, but had a fit after and dh said he got the impression it was pretty serious.....wish I'd asked more questions at the time, but thats another story!)

Must be frustrating living somwhere where you don't feel happy/safe going out walking etc. We are VERY lucky in Guernsey in that it's very safe - worst time is Fri/Sat nights when the pubs shut. Great place to visit with little ones plug plug!! As you said, maybe you'll be able to move again if you go back to work....and school isn't that many years away....

So sorry to hear re the driving test - can imagine it to be VERY disheartening, esp as it would make a lot of things so much easier for you. Know a bit how you feel though coz I can't drive due to a prob with my eyes that I was born with, and it's frustrating having to get lifts/the bus all the time, esp with ds (dd) in tow. 5th time lucky Do you have someone you can go out and practice with?? Fingers crossed for you.

Anyway hope all is ok with you. Is dp around over the weekend to help, or does he work? Hugs to you and sorry if I wasn't quite as cheery as usual (bu**er hormones I say!)

xxx

hi again

how are you feeling now?, hope 'it's passed'?was there anything triggering it? or did it just happen? know what you mean though!

work made it so complicated that citizens advice basically told me to take my two months wage as it wasnt worth it! they CAB) were also very funny about me taking my daughter if it had to go to couurt(dp would be coming but at time was useless with her and didnt have anyone else)...well, i think they were just as bad as work!! discriminating me because of my baby!!!!
at least it paid for solicitor and estate agent fees when we moved!

it sounds lovely where you live

that sounds terrible about your labour
and understandable why its contributing to how you feel.
i had to be induced even though all the way through i was adament i was gonna be up and about with no drugs...i was flat out, with belts round bump, syntocin drip in arm, gas and air and diamorphine, which i hasten to add had worn of an hour before dd born, but they wouldnt give me anymore incase it effected her!

well i had a nice morning yesterday took dd to m&t and her and her little friend played together for most of the morning, but she cried when it was finished and then it took me an hour and lots of crying(both of us) to get her to sleep at her nap(she would have been ratty at t time and not slept at night otherwise), then when dp came home dd was constantly asking for him so he played with her after i had bathed her, while i washed pots, did tea then sat down for ten mins before i got her chilled out for bed(maggie and ferocious beast, drink and toast)..i thought this was really nice of him as id told him what kind of day id had, however, once she was in bed he was winging about stuff being dumped everywhere around house and went on a tidy up mission(comouter desk needed tidying..thats it!), he was angling for an argument so i just said, go on get it out and over with and walked in kitchen!, i couldnt be botherd arguing and he was obviously being an arse!so once id sorted 'the mess!' out i took some magazines, went upstairs and watched footballers wives!...in peace!!!!
men !!!!! aaarrrrrgh(well him anyway!)

have a good day hun, take care.x

Hi Feeling quite a bit happier today Thanks for asking, don't think it was anything in particular really....just sometimes get myself wound up and stressed over loads of litle things and end up feeling really low and weepy Anyway, dh is home for the weekend now and we have a nice eve planned for tomorrow (ds at my mum and dad for a sleepover.)

So sorry to hear about work/CAB - as you said, at least fees were paid etc. Really expected that you would have got more help from them though. This might sound hard as I know you said work was a big factor in your pnd, but I guess you just have to try and put it behind you to start feeling better. I had huge hangups re my birth experience and b/f (or not!) and I know that I feel a lot better now that I'm not thinking about them all the time. It's HARD though, when you are depressed and I guess you are thinking "if only this hadn't happened, I might not feel like I do." You WILL start feeling properly yourself eventually. Sorry to hear about your labour as well. I was flat on my back as well....feel quite angry and disappointed about it but hey. We are both reall;y lucky to have our ds (dd).......don't know about you, but have read some of the m/c posts on here, and feel SO grateful for ds. Even though he tires me out something rotten

Good for you removing yourself forom a potential arguement (I should follow your lead sometimes!!) Hope you managet to feel truly chilled by the end of the eve Sometimes feel like dh is angling for an arguement, but we're terrible as neither of us likes backing down! Hope this eve has been ok for you.... Don't know how it's been for you, but dh and I argued SO much when I had pnd....to the stage a few times talking about divorce and who wold get what.....bleugh.... On the whole, is dp ok to you, supportive of your moods etc? I get the impression that on the whole he's ok helps out withe dd?

How is it going with the as's? Didn't you, say you upped your dose a couple of days back? Anyway, better be off for now. Really hope you have a good weekend - be kind to yourself and take it easy as much as poss. Not sure if I'll be here tomorrow eve, so apologies if I'm not around for a day or 2. Hugs xx

hiya hun
glad youve been having agood day
my days been nice too, gave dd one of her birthday presents cos we had to be in all day and she was so much better when going down for her nap and again tonight just hope she settles through night though, cos she said to me today her ears where hurting(just got over ear infection) and when getting her ready for bed, noticed a few spots on her arms and back of legs, so might be a viral infection again

yeah, doc doubled my dose of ad's, maybe thats why im having a ok day???hope it lasts

we're going shopping for dd's birthday presents this weekend, but gutted cos outfit i like for her on next site, dont stock in shops!, so might have to order online!, never mind

hope you have a lovely weekend
take care and enjoy yourselves

Hiya and sorry for the lack of posts Ds has been a bit under the weather this weekend (etc etc) and my goodness is it tiring! Saw you posted on another thread re your dd's naps - hugs to you and hope things get better soon. Is she feeling ok now? (you said she'd had trouble with her ears?)

Hope your weekend was good and that the sun shone for you. Hope all the plans are coming together for dd's birthday as well. Think for ds's we'll try to have a get together at the park as it SHOULD be sunny in July! Are you having lots of people to your dd's or just a few? (know I'll be going for just a few!)

Anyway, hugs to you and thinking of you. Hope the ad's are still doing their job

hi hun...just searched archived messages for this thread as havent been able to find it...i have not been ingnoring you
hope you are all well?
dd's party was great, she loved it and got lots of lovely presents(mainly Dora stuff!!what a surprise)
doc has just doubled my dose..again
however yesterday and today have been really nice, just hope i can carry this over and set myself on an even keel!
am even considering setting up an ironing business once im 99%! as want to get off benefits and want to move to nicer area, so this is only way we can doo it as they dont take into account I.B or anything like that(i dont think)
been out all day today, soft play a.m with SIL, BIL and niece, dd loves SIL..then went for lunch in spootted cow in Elwick which was gorgeous, then went to tweddle farm, where the children can stroke and feed the animals and it also has lots of toys, sandpits, swings,slides etc etc for the girls to play on, so was great.....apart from me and niece being bit by a pig when we were feeding them!!!
poor lamb, must have really hurt as it hurt me and shes not even two yet

hope to hear from you soon(i did start another thread for you?)
take care

x

here, so you know i wasnt fibbing 8-)

See other thread