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Mental health

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Original poster

Advice needed please

7 replies

mariemarie · 30/12/2008 22:28

I am wondering whether or not someone on here can give me some advice/information that I may be able to use to help my brother.

I have posted on another thread a few weeks ago but since then things have gone worse. Basically, he is happilly married with 2 children and during the summer he & his wife decided to move house (a great opportunity came available) and bought a lovely old house in a semi-rural area which required a massive amount of work (approx 12mths worth). They are currently in rented accomodation as the house is not livable.

To cut a long story short, he is in the building trade and has been doing alot of the work himself, besides his normal daytime job. It has taken its toll and a few weeks ago he broke down and we all began to realise that he wasnt coping.

Things have gradually gotten worse for him and he is now unable to make the simplest of decisions, is not sleeping and is anxious and negative all the time. He has seen the doctor who has diagnosed depression/anxiety and has prescribed non-addictive anti-depressants. He has been on these for a week now and feels no different (altho the doctor did say it could take up to 3-4weeks to feel any benefit). At the moment he is unable to do the simplest of jobs because he cannot concentrate and he has to return to his daytime job next week which he is dreading. Yet he is self employed so he needs to go to work or there will be no income.

He was at my house today with the children (whilst his wife works, just 2days per wk) and he spent the morning in bed upstairs then was pacing the room in the afternoon.

What I want I suppose is some re-assurance that things will get better for him. I have no experience of anything like this.

I would just like to say that all the family are rallying round to help out with the house (because this is obviously the cause of his depression). But my brother is not convinced that the medication is going to work. He said he doesnt feel depressed, he feels as though his brain has stopped working and he is going mad. Is this typical of depression?

Sorry to ask so many questions, hope you can help.

OP posts:

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 30/12/2008 22:32

Yes, he is depressed and yes, not 'feeling' depressed is very typical

He needs to rest and not go back to work, maybe go back just for a few hours a day, do simple jobs until he is recovered enough

and yes, the medication will take at least 3-4 weeks to start to work

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 30/12/2008 22:33

also the 'house' is not the cause of the depression, him being unable to stop working on it is the cause of the depression. He needs to learn to manage his workload and emotions or he will just get more ill.

wrinklytum · 30/12/2008 22:33

IIRC A LOT OF ANTI-DEPRESSANTS CAN TAKE AT LEAST 2 WEEKS TO "KICK IN"

If he seems seriously in some kind of mental health crisis it may be worth looking at an urgent MH assessment,maybe worth contacting GP to see if they could refer to community MH team if your db would accept this.Charities such as MIND may also be helpful.(Sorry,crap at links)

Not totally my field so hopefully someone better qualified will answer soon xxx

Original poster

mariemarie · 30/12/2008 22:39

Thanks everyone for your quick replies, much appreciated.

His wife is obviously very concerned because she locks the house up at night and hides the keys just in case he goes out at night. He cannot clear his head at all from the work that is still required on the new house and she thinks he could well get up in the night and go up there.

I dont think he is in any danger, in fact, am almost certain he isnt. But, he cannot cope well at the moment with minding the 2 young children on his own (the youngest of which is only 18mths and is going through a terrible phase, is very hard work and constantly screaming, which doesnt help). My brother was a wonderful dad (and still is, but is finding it hard to concentrate long enough on the children to be of any use).

OP posts:

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 30/12/2008 22:43

really sad for you and your family. Nothing can get better until he accepts he is ill and starts to take care of himself. The longer he persists in trying to be well the longer and deeper the depression can become. It is so important for him just to do one thing at a time and just for a short period of time. And it may be too much for him to be given the burden of looking after a child on his own for an extended period of time.

Hope things improve for your family.

Original poster

mariemarie · 30/12/2008 22:52

Thanks lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake!
I will definitely suggest this to his wife. We get on quite well and I think she would welcome any advice that can help him and the family.

OP posts:

greeneyedgirl · 31/12/2008 10:33

He sounds like he has anxiety, which tends to lead to depression in most cases. The pacing, not sleeping well and confused thoughts are typical of this illness. I am suffering from anxiety myself at the moment and have experienced all of the symptoms mentioned.

Medication does take 3-4 weeks to kick in, but at the beginning in the first week or 2 it can actually make you feel more anxious and irritable. There are lots of ways he can help calm himself down, the 2 main things being muscle relaxation and deep breathing. Encourage him to take a look at this website as it offers lots of information about anxiety and depression and gives practical tips and advice on how to cope and reduce the symptoms. Hope this helps.

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