I don't know whether your recovering or in its clutches, pushing you further into its harmful way or if you even have an eating disorder.
I'd just like to reach out and tell you that no matter how isolated and bitter you feel, no matter how many tears you cry at night or all the anger within you that has caused you all this pain that you are not alone.
There are sufferers enduring so much hurt that slowly they are drifting away from the life that held them a prisoner to food and their uncontrollable lifestyle.
All those times you couldn't sleep because of the hate you have for yourself, someone somewhere also feels your ache. The voice you obey in your head is like your personal puppet master to your frail body as it controls others, in fact thousands worldwide.
Nobody gave a fuck at one point, we all felt it, they did not understand it when you carried baking soda in our purses or purposefully burnt dinner or why we had to crap out our insides. They didn't understand that nothing feels as good as thin feels. Finally they have just a glimpse of what it was about. Just the smallest percentage because they never knew how good it made us feel and our brittle bones would just have to suffer to be perfect. And then the words scream and you crash down screaming with it and realise there is no perfection. A world with no perfection, did we not all try to escape it?
R.I.P to those whose life was so cruelly taken by Ana. Let it not be forgotten.