So, what to do with a freind who is so odd she is a tad on the freakish side??

[deanychip]

If you were my friend and i blurted out that this was how i feel sometimes, what would you do to help?

Not told any one this, spoke off the cuff with dh about it as i dont want to upset him and he doesnt deal well with mental health issues.

i have thought about hose pipe to my car.

i have thought about getting on a train and just getting off anywhere and, well, just living on the street.
where no one knows me.

I have these thoughts infrequently, but when they do come, they are disturbing.
nothing is right for me, i do not have the energy nor the inclination to have anything to do with people.
I cannot settle in my own home.

but then after a time, i feel ok again.

How odd.
Cant realy think why this comes to me, dont want medication, as its not all the time. Maybe hormone related?? associated with my periods do you think? But its not every month, maybe about every 5 months or so. Just had it all over the last 2/3 days.
Absolutely nothing triggering it. thats what is odd.

hmmm, what do you think?

Deanychip, this is a horrible thing for you to be going through and just because it is not all of the time it does not mean that you might not need some kind of treatment. Have you looked at bipolar disorder?. I'm not trying to freak you out or diagnose you in anyway but I remember reading about Stephen Fry (who is bipolar) and him talking about these 'episodes' where he was suicidal and wanted to disappear from everything.

I think in any case it would be good to talk to your GP who should have some better advice. thinking of you.

I don't know if it helps to offer my experiences...but I have similar feelings, like you not often, but enough to be annoying. I have learnt over the years to almost treat it like a nuisance visitor...I know in time it will go so I just sit tight and wait. Hate it whilst its around but I don't get scared by it these days because Im used to it. And yes, it can be hormonal...after DC1 I noticed my mood plummeted on day 8 -ish of my cycle every month and didnt pick up again until I came on. Since DC 2 it hasn't been so bad so fingers crossed.

I have had depression quite badly in the past and its like a memory of those times that revisits. You sound pretty down at the moment yourself...this time of year can be hard for many people. In the long term is it worth talking over with a professional? Can your GP refer you for free counselling? It has helped me over the years.

So, to answer your questions I would say its not wierd how you feel, but it is sad...you sound like you need a break from it all. Easier said than done if you have kids. But I would say, if you do seriously think you could hurt yourself than you really really do need to talk to someone, the samaritans, whoever. I hope you begin to feel brighter soon. It will pass.

Thanks.
I agree oldernotwiser. This is how i feel.
Its all consuming when it comes though isnt it?
Very difficult to "get on with normal life" which is what i want to do.

Had PND after ds, had meds and they did me good, came off them and have been fine. Off them for over a year now.
Its just every now and again....

Not sure how useful councelling would be to be honest because it is not all the time, and i wouldnt have much to off load as it were in between.

Its strange mental health isnt it?

Normally i am steady as a rock, happy, cheerful and very very grateful for my lot in life, i have a lovely happy and secure life. But this is much bigger than me, and i cant understand it.

deanychip - how horrible for you. I'm sorry you've been feeling so scarily unlike yourself.

I understand your reluctance to go down the medication route, when these moments are so irregular - but there are many mh problems which are by definition episodic, and which are really receptive to medication.

Go to the Gp, I think.

I am also reluctant to go down the medication route as we are trying for baby number 2.
Am on a health kick which means healthy eating, loss of weight, vits etc.

personally think that i feel so bad because i havent had any chocolate for about 6 weeks now....that has GOT to have something to do with things me thinks!!

Think this latest episode is at an end because i am wanting to clean and cook today...cant so any of these things when feeling awful.
Also ive been on night duty and that deos something to my brain, i just cant recover or function properly when on nights.
Am going to knock them on the head and not do them any more i think.

so many things to consider.

I guess I thought counselling since the negative thoughts come from somewhere even if they are infrequent...may help to understand what they are about? I actually had CBT counselling which has helped me challenge the horrible thoughts as and when they pop up. I actually now regularly monitor what that annoying little voice in my head says and when it starts to get a bit too heavy/morbid or whatever I challenge and try to change where my mind is going. It can help stop the slide into the blues sometimes.

I did consider going on the pill too, to see how much the hormonal stuff was affecting me but got pregnant instead!

Now yes, i think that CBT could help enormously yes, good thinking. A different kind of councelling altogether but with the added bonus of switching the thoughts round. Didnt think about that, thanks older. I will make an appointment with my GP next week i think.
I would be able to take it in as well if i go when i am feeling good, better wits about me iyswim. then i will be ready for the next bout.

Now then, if they were to cover the medication in chocolate i would take what ever they suggest....

Hi I suffer from more frequent but less severe episodic bouts of the blues. Anyone have any recommendations of meds? I'm still breastfeeding and would like to ttc next summer so am hoping to be on them for just a few months,

thanks!

Well, I hate to say it but making plans for suicide and disappearing sound perfectly normal to me! It's not a good or happy thing, but that doesn't make it odd or freaky. Like OlderNotWiser, I've treated this like the 'nuisance visitor' and tried to push it out of the door for many years (recognising the negative voices creeping in and squashing them firmly), and I think actually I deal with it very well (less well at the moment, perhaps). It certainly doesn't worry me particularly as I've had this for so very long - perhaps it actually worries me less than it should, as for me this is normal life. It's the same for my two best friends, unfortunately.

However, it's all getting very tiring to go on like this, and it is depressing to think of going on like this for my whole life, so I'm going to investigate psychotherapy and see if it can help.

Erm, not sure that's a very useful post, but I wanted to reassure you that it's not freaky and that you can go on perfectly well like this, supporting yourself through bad days and revelling in the good days!

LOL NK! Horribly normal i think.
You have just got to think of it in another way dont you, it kind of makes it easier to understand and deal with.
Unwanted visitor or nuisance visitor is a very healthy way of looking at it. It helps to know that it is short lived and i know that this time tomorow it will be gone and i will feel mentally healthy again.
Thanks for your help and wisdom, nice to know that its not just me.

Deanychip, have to share this with you...

I'm having counselling atm and while it is beginning to help me enormously, it has heightened some of my erm... odder behaviours.

I was sewing up a tear on a pair of my daughters pyjamas, while making some rather bizarre faces, screwing my eyes up, turning away from what I was doing etc. DH says 'WTF is up, dippydearest' and says I, as if it was SO obvious 'I want to stab myself in the eye with my sewing needle and it's giving me eyeache'

It was at that moment I thought it's a good job I'm getting help lol.

Hopping on a train to nowhere to become nobody sounds a tad normal by comparison!
At least yer eyesight would be intact.