Hi there, I hope this is the correct place to post and that someone could give me some advice.
My DH and I have been together for 4 years, we have a 2 year old DS and I'm 19 weeks pregnant with DC2.
When we met he was going through a nasty break up, he has 2 DSs from this relationship and his Ex was pregnant at the time with his DD.
We met at work and it started with casual drinks etc but we really fell for each other. I always felt strange and guilty that his Ex was pregnant when we got together. It was hard for me when his DD was born and he did the best he could, he took his paternity leave and spent 2 weeks at the house to try and bond with his daughter.
Fast forward a few years, we are very happy and very much in love, we have his 2 sons to stay regularly and we get on very well. However the ex has never allowed him to spend any time with his daughter (now 3.5). He only sees her at the doorstep and she calls him by his name, not 'dad'.
My husband would like to spend some time with her and wants to push the matter. But for me, somewhere in the last 4 years i have developed this massive aversion to being involved with this child. Ive never met her, seen one grainy picture. Its like i've developed a phobia. I don't admit she exists to anyone! I don't know why. I can't deal with the fact that she exists. I don't know how this has happened. I truly feel that i'd rather leave my husband than watch him get to know his own daughter. Its like a person who is so afraid of wasps that they'd run in front of a bus rather than be near a wasp, although the bus causes more damage.
My DH is a fantastic father to all his kids and i want to support him, and do the right thing, but i truly have a screw loose.
I need to know what kind of counselling might help me, i fear i'm going to ruin everyones life by being this way.