How does he do that?

[OrmIrian]

DH I mean. I was feeling very anxious over the summer, a bit down but mainly anxious. In the end when I collapsed in a hysterical heap in the GPs room I was given citalopram. Helped a lot. I've been happier, stronger, optimistic. Coping with everything. But DH still has the ability to bring me down. I had a day off, cleaned the carpets, did some painting, watched DD's play, then went to buy some lights. Came back and DH was in a mood (only a little one) I suspect because I asked him to pick the DC up from school as usual because I had things to do. Anyway first thing he said was did I take any photos of the play. Gulp! No. I don't tend to bother 'cos none of them come out and it spoils the play afaic. Cue strop from DH. He's furious with me. And instantly my mood swung the other way - I feel so down and helpless again. I know he needs to be able to be honest with me about how he feels, but how can I stop him from affecting me so badly?

BTW does anyone else know someone who extrapolates fron one 'offence' to another. IE 'you didn't take any photos' to 'you never take any photos?'?

yes, i do Orm. Maybe some of the other mums will have some photos you can have/copy.

Sorry am not much use for advice.

Why didnt he go to the play himself?

he should of made time to go if he was that bothered.
are you still on ad's?

maybe he needs a visit to the bp himself

that should be gp

maybe he was jealous as you got to go to the play or feels guilty cos he didn't go?

Can relate to this.

Furious over photos.... It's not really the issue is it? DO you know why he's REALLY angry?

4 you

He's an LSA so couldn't go. It would have been better if he'd told me it mattered so much then I would have tried. He did want to go. I've been to so many over the years and spent then entire time trying to capture one good shot of my DC and failing usually. And I wanted to watch. He thinks I am selfish.

Yes I'm still on ADs. Supposed to be coming off in feb/mar time. Usually I think that makes sense but not after DH has had a go.

I get cross for him for being PA, but then when he's direct about things, it upsets me. Poor bloke can't win.

nailpolish - I wonder that too. But he has no time for ADs himself. Took them once when his father died and swore they did nothing for him. And TBH normally he's OK. We've been really good since I've been on the ADs but.

I suggested that I ask one of the mums I know for a copy of her camcorder footage. He thought that would be OK.

But I don't get the anger. It's just one of those things isn't it. Why does it make him so mad? And why do I let it upset me? And why when I apologise does he still act as if I've stabbed him in the back?

Normally we tick along fine. In fact more than fine recently. But when he gets his stormy head on life is f*ing horrible

And then there was the irritated sigh because something wasn't where it should have been. When I called him on it 'Why do you always assume it's your fault?'. I suppose that's a good question but usually it is Why can't he be f*ing happy? Why do things wind him up so much?

We are going to mny parents on Boxing Day and mum is doing another big dinner. A bit OTT but hell if she wants to feed my DC I'm not going to complain. Mum suggested they keep the DC presents until then - I thought it was a good idea. Apparently not DH got uppity and I had to talk to my parents. Why? I don't pretend to understand why principles matter so much.

Poor you it's difficult enough trying to get better without coping with aggravation from dps.He obviously doesn't understand,puts his own needs first.Explain your moods can still change and he should be kind and easy going with you~ not to mention making things easier not more difficult. If he can't or won't,don't get dragged down by it its him not you IYSWIM.

Thanks for the sympathy cranberry.

Thing is he can be so lovely much of the time. And has been quite supportive all in all but some things just wind him up. Not being a person easily wound up I find it hard to comprehend. I don't see why getting cross about something is worth upsetting anyone.

We had a bit of a chat last night but not much. I was still feeling too fragile to deal with potentially another row.

Bugger! I need to toughen up.

Is it about communication on his part?I have similar problem sometimes~it's not an issue when I'm well and happy but when I have been the one in need he can't handle it and even takes it personally in some strange way.I mean anything from flu to a post traumatic stress problem I had.
It feels like my job is to look after everyone,including him but I don't get the same back.

in these circumstances and while fighting to stay sane and afloat I think you need to first make sure you take good care of yourself and do the things that make you fell better
and regarding him please start repeating 'his emotions and his moods are his responsibility'
don't take them in
I know it is easier said that done but seriously it is the only way, make a determined effort not to be taken in by his negativity

It is communication I think. He needs to learn how to express himself a little more reasonable. As I said earlier he tends to be a bit PA - makes his feelings known obliquely, always want to be the victim, the hard-done-by one. So I suppose I should appreciate his honesty this time . But he just launched into me almost as soon as I was through the door. Not quite in a place where I can cope with that.

He does struggle with me when I'm not 100%. But he had got better recently.

very well said sparkly.
OrmIrian~it could be the way he was brought up,the way he got attention at home or he could be a tad self centred[no offence ].
It might change, it might not but as sparkly said don't be responsible for his emotions.
Develop your own support and be your own person I learned the hard way that dps don't always support you how they should.

"his emotions and his moods are his responsibility'"

Thanks sparkly. That will become my mantra .

Funnily enough cranberry he sulks hugely with his mother and sister. He says he has nothing in common with them, but hell neither do I and I manage to remain friendly. He has some big issues in his past and he would admit to them but he beleives all his demons are defeated . I beg to differ on that one.