feeling really low

[feelingdown]

just a rant i suppose but feels better getting it off my chest, changed my name as freinds know my mumsnet name, not a troll i promise!
well 1st im sitting here crying ive just come home from work early as i dont think i can take it muh more! last night had row whith dh who stormed out on me and slept out all night, all cos i asked for a kiss good night, yeah exactly seems to much to ask dont it? been feeling bit down with him recently just feel like he just doesnt give a Fing shit about me he came in ped saterday night waking me and my 4 year old niece shoutring the odds how much he hates his lifestyle with me.. ( personally i think he gets it good.. tea on table for him finishing work , bath run, bait put up for work, washing ironing cleaning.... ect ect!) in the morning of course he coulnd remember .... no sorry nothing when i told him.. the constant rejection is getting me down he hasnt told me he loves my since january i just cant take any more! last night i asked him if he still wanted to be with me and before he stormed out he balled at me why dont you put 2 and 2 together, yet today by text ( which i cant find it in myself to reply) he's acting as if nothing has happened was on anti depressants just over a year ago when i had my 2nd m/c and feel like hes wearing me down that i want to go back on them just to cope!

my works suffering from the way im feeling ive just moved departments and feel like i have no friends, they are the mmost ignorant bunch of people i have ever met so that getting me down..

sorry for the rant im just sitting here crying this probs doest even make sence, i should be home now with dh but i cant bring myself to go back, i wish i could be strong i just feel helpless and dont like the thoughts that are running mad round my head!
thanks if youve read this far x

anyone?

This is a v quiet time of day, FD - tea etc.

really sorry - your dp sounds as if he is behaving very badly, and by 'talk' I think you should think v carefully indeed if you want to talk about getting back together. He doesn't sound at all as if he would mae a good dad. He is uncaring, selfish, drunk, has no idea how to behave in front of kids, and is dishonest to you.

Look, anyone on MN will tell you that having a child puts serious pressure on any relationship, and especially on the Mum. well, that's my opinion and exerience, anyway. This man does his best to undermine your confidence and make sure you have no power / independence. Get a key, or get your dad to help you drill a hole through the barrel of the lock, get your stuff - including any paperwork that proves your contribution, and get out. You will find someone who values you, and in turn, makes you value yourself.

Sorry - you are having a horrible time, but this damn man will not make you feel better!

You know, I can't BEAR the way he is putting all the responsibility on to you...'every time you row it is YOU putting back marriage, kids etc'. that is classic abusive behaviour. Please stay away from him. Please?

I wouldn't talk to him to be honest. I think you should put the whole thing in front of a solicitor. I wouldn't rely on a friend who is a barrister - do it properly. You just need to get as much back financially as you can.

BUT he wouldnt let me on morgage wouldnt change the fact that i was living there ( he paid single persons council tax) so really i have no leg to stand on legally i wasnt supposed to be there! no wonder he was so determind that i wasnt going on morgage of classed as living there, for god sake he used to return mail id had deliverd there as not known at this address!
am i entitled to anything akll i have is my bank statements saying ive paid money into his account??

feelingdown - you need a solicitor aor the CAB to tell you these things. My answer would be YES if you can show from your bank statements that you paid towards the mortgage.
C'mon, look after yourself a bit here. Get into the house, make sure you get hold of all the papers and all your personal effects that you need. All your documents, bank statement, passport etc etc. You may not feel good about drilling the lock - and it might be illegal - although you are resident there so can presumably do what you like - but otherwise go round with your Dad and demand that he lets you in to get your stuff. If he doesn't co-operate, tell him you will come back with the police. You are entitled to your stuff. If you have things like your own bank statement with that address on it is a proof of residence.

Do you have a joint bank account? take all of 'your' money out of it immediately and do not pay any more in. If you have joint credit cards, take you name off now. His deceitfulness has shown you that he will not treat you with honesty, and he is doing his best to 'keep one over you'.

He is walking all over you - and at the moment, you are letting him, aren't you?

All you need to do is get your stuff and establish your rights.

And I do understand that you are feeling really down - that is not surprising given what has happened. But he is not going to make you feel better. There is no magic solution - except doing things to protect your own interests and then you will be stronger. He is NOT going to come over all Prince Charming in a cloud of sprinkly tinkly stars. But you have the power to give yourself a magic shield. Go for it.

thanks blu, got that magic shield out today and admit im feeling abit stonger! ny name isnt on anything at all that goes into the house! not a bill nothing the only thing i have to proove i was paying him anything is my bank statement saying ive paid x amount into his account! going tomorro night with dad to get my stuff! hes on nights so will b easy enough to get in!

Feelingdown,
Something that took me 3 years and alot of mates telling me all the time : it's not you that is the problem, it is him, he is a sad b***d who is foisting all his inadequacies onto you. The easiest way for someone who is unhappy to feel better about themselves is to make someone else feel worse than they do; and how selfish is that?

On a positive note, if he has remortgaged the house to pay off debts etc that may mean that all the debts he has run up are in his name only and not yours. But you really must go and get some legal advice. What's happening on the children front? Do you need help with that? Your parents sound fab - things will get better, they did for me and I am as feeble as they come.
Hang in there girl!

no kids, thankfully its only me being put through this no little ones! i am feeling better havent heard from him all day and to be honest i conldnt care less, i feel good today think im getting stronger! and just cancelled our holiday off my own back as hes told me to leave it how it is just incase he decides he wants to work it out! er no!

Feelingdown - well done you!That's brilliant - you make the choices, you call the shots.Keep it up!

What's happening, feelingdown? How are you?

hello there.im new to the site and would like to join your thread if thats ok

well thats it, he'll not hurt me anymore, ive left! im so bloody gutted thou i cant pull myself together, tried talking to him on sat and he met me with a stinking attitude he so didnt wanna sort this out and says him remorgaging has nothing to do with me! he made me feel so worthless and so belittled ( chose to take me to bar where there was loads of people to tell me he didnt wanna work things out!) .... when we left the bar he was just keep saying its over go away i ended up slapping his face i felt he'd huniliated me, id built my hopes up thinkng we'd be ok and he's shattered my whold life! i know slapping him was so wrong but i felt like he was goading me ( shit excuse) i know im best out if this but i feel so lost without him its my birthday tomorrow and ive took the day off work so we could spend it together, now looks like i'll be spending it on my own (all my friends and family work) so im pretty down in the dumps!
this probs hasnt made a pick of sence!

and ive got that pain in my belly that just wont go away! i keep thinking of him with somone else, i truely love him , this is so hard

I didn't want you to think there was no-one around, but it is quiet here tonight.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow, if you are down, log on and everyone will wish you happy birthday.

It seems that he has made his mind up, it surely must be for the best that you aren't together. Of coursae it hurts, but be strong, it will get better.xx

thank you for your reply was starting to think even mumsnet didnt wanna know

if things couldnt get worse, my auntie has now been rushed into hopital, on my bithday ad theyve found shes got a shadow on her lung and to expect the wosrt, ffs shes 48 with a 10yr old dd!

sorry 4 keep posting just writin it down helps make sence of it! x sent me loads of pressies for my birthday, why is he screwing my head up.

Sorry, FD, missed all this.
Sorry to hear aout your aunt.
Look, the thing is, love and committment is all about that kind of thing. Looking out for your aunt and her little girl. Concentrate on supporting them, or other members of your fmily, if ou can.
And ignore the presents. Couldn't have paid for them if he hadn't remortgaged the house, could he?

well done on making the move. Slowly, it will get better for you.

quick update feel like im stronger now! he hasnt wrecked my life as much as i thought , i dont need that kind of life, still feel really sad but i aint going to let him beat me! got rest of me stuff out of flat last week and that finalised everything, thnaks for your support and if you know any single men out there giz a shout!