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Original poster

I am completely burnt out as a mother and really need some help. Is my child unusually WEARING

27 replies

senatorvass · 17/12/2008 18:47

I have a 2.6 year old. He is very very very bright. After talking etc very early my HV, the NAGC, Dr etc have said he is exceptionally bright. I AM NOT BOASTING. I couldnt give a shit right now I know all children level out and are very special. What I am wondering is, is he especially difficult, if so is it because he is so bright, or is he just very very trying and difficult and if he IS NOT exceptionally difficult then how the hell does anyone cope I am at my breaking point.

He never ever stops talking. Which is usually lovely but sometimes very tiring. He is an emotional time bomb. He gets extremely distressed when anyone around him or on tv or whatever is remotely upset. If anyone gets upset to any degree - another child at playgroup, me, a toy car, you name it, he freaks and throws whatever he is holding and then stands there crying or if he is really angry going to pick up more things and throwing them.

We have NEVER been violent to him and never would. In any way. But he goes in time out for 2 mins if he hits or throws something. At which point he destroys what is around him shouting "look at the mess I'm making Mama, come tidy up!"

He is very loving. He is constantly kissing cuddling saying I love you, saying nice things saying I am pretty etc he really is a delight as well. I dont want it to sound like he is an awful child or all bad. He is pure sunshine at times.

But he is so demanding. His imagination is literally out of this world and he wants to play these imaginary games constantly. He acts stuff out, he does so much.

I am just exhausted. I am a SAHM and with him 24/7. He is so lively and active and boisterous and demanding and funny and sweet and clever and loud and everything I just feel like crawling in a tiny black quiet hole. But I dont want to not be with him really... just a little break.

My DH does help out a lot. That is pissing me off too. DS goes on and on and on about how much he loves Daddy. And i do everything for him. And I just feel taken for granted. But when he wakes in the middle of the night and is upset he only wants me. Daddy wont do at all. So I know its give and take.

I just dont know how to handle him. I am unfailingly kind and try to be patient and still use good discipline I do not want him to be a spoiled brat at all. He always says please, thank you, sorry etc when appropriate. But emotionally he is doing me in.

He is supposed to start preschool 2009.

Please help.

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 17/12/2008 18:52

He's 2, it is a phase, it will pass (to be replaced by another phase, but let's not dwell on that).

Original poster
senatorvass · 17/12/2008 18:54

I know it will pass I never thought he would be doing this when he is 30 but I am burnt out.

OP posts:
bohemianbint · 17/12/2008 18:56

sorry, only have one free hand, but sounds familiar, sympathies. try to get hold of "raising my spirited child" - will try to link you...

HuwEdwards · 17/12/2008 18:57

Sorry, wasn't meaning to patronise. Can you put him in a creche for an hour while you goi swimming or to the gym?

Original poster
senatorvass · 17/12/2008 18:58

thanks

I adore him. and am very protective of him. But I feel like I have been walking through a sort of parental firing line.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 17/12/2008 18:59

he does sound like a fairly normal very bright 2 year old, really
i found this stage very hard myself
things i found that helped:
hanging out with other mothers who are calm and funny
swopping with a friend who also doesn't have any childcare, just for an hour or so here or there
employing local teenagers to come and play for a couple of hours
using story tapes to give yourself a break
introducing 'quiet time' after lunch which is half an hour or so in his room with some books or colouring while you get your head back together

MrsMattie · 17/12/2008 18:59

Sounds frighteningly like my son (nearly 4 yrs old and. has been like this...well, always, really): a joy, but extreme hard work.

No advice, as I struggle too, and the only way I cope is to try to get regular breaks from him via my extremely patient, wonderful DH and mum. Oh, and nursery.

Sorry for lack of any practical advice, but I am always here if you want to let off steam with someone who understands.

FrannyandZooey · 17/12/2008 19:00

oh the daddy thing sounds very familiar as well! it upset me at the time as I was struggling to be a good parent and not getting much validation back from ds!
i don't care much now

ToysAreLikeDogs · 17/12/2008 19:00

Awwww

yes it is a phase

small children really can suck the life out of one

This is really about finding coping strategies for you:

Boys are like dogs, make sure he has lots of exercise and running around outside every single day weather notwithstanding. One of the benefits of being outside is that he will not be so LOUD and in-yer-face.

Find some 'me-time'. You are not just Mummy or Wife, you have a name and a personality. Get your haircut, find a sitter be it Grandparents or friends, go the gym/swim/take an evening class, have child free time, and don't feel guilty about it either.

ToysAreLikeDogs · 17/12/2008 19:01

Oh look we are all saying the same

HassledElf · 17/12/2008 19:02

I think just a bit of quality time to yourself has the ability to restore sanity and make everything seem more copeable with. In my case, with all the DCs, I retired to the bath with a glass of wine and a book for at least half an hour every evening leaving DH to deal with them - I still do it now. The swimming or gym idea is good - just do whatever it takes to get regular, quality time to yourself.

Original poster
senatorvass · 17/12/2008 19:02

tis ok. no, I cant do that. I have to wait til he starts preschool. we havent got the money for childcare and I dont drive and live in a small village so really it has to be me. Which is fine. I WANT to raise him, be with him etc. I just wish... I just wish he didnt scare me so much with his outbursts and calmed down sometimes. And I am proud of him for talking as well as he does but I just feel like... I have this horrible feeling that emotionally he is really fucked up. And I wonder if its my fault and what to do about it. He is never endingly saying "mama happy?" everyone happy, etc he is just so sensitive and I feel he feels responsible for everyones happiness... thats not all of it just part.

But you know I am not that hard on him. He goes in TO for hitting and throwing stuff at people. Pretty normal. Then we have a cuddle and forget about it. But two hours later he will still say sorry even though I keep telling him ITS OK. But what is the alternative? Letting him beat me up and be mean to other children?

OP posts:
bohemianbint · 17/12/2008 19:02

here - someone recommended this and it helped me abit - have one similar so I know how you feel!

HuwEdwards · 17/12/2008 19:06

But Senator, it does EVERYONE good to have a little rest from eachother. Even just an hour, it's just enough to recharge your batteries and give your son someone and something different. You really don't need to be the only person who ever looks after your son. I think you're being too hard on yourself.

MrsMattie · 17/12/2008 19:06

Toddlers are emotionally weird! They aren't 'well balanced' at all - they're still learning how to make sense of their feelings and the feelings of other people, and while they're learning, they can seem like slightly mad people!
My DS has gone through some weird phases - the 'being scared of everything' phase, the ' being angry all the time' phase, the 'obssessed with people dying' phase. Seriously, tis all normal. You haven't fucked him up (well, any more than the next person, anyhow ).

Coldtits · 17/12/2008 19:07

He does sound (and I'm really sorry) bright-but-normal.

This is toddlers. They are exhausting.

When ds1 was a baby I thought all these women who went on about how naughty their toddler was, or how exhausted they were, were Doing It Wrong. Now I know that it is a rare mother who never ever ever feels like curling up under the kitchen table with a cup of tea, the biscuit tin and an Army issue earguard (yes, I do have one) and leaving the toddler to commit his rampage of destruction.

Take him out, take him to soft play, take him to the park, go and play with other toddlers, stick the tv onto Pingu occasionally and let him and yourself zone out.

Both my boys are abnormally active. I do not know why. It's very hard, on you and on your house, but you only have so much to give, and it really isn't too much to tell them to go and play on their own for a while.

Original poster
senatorvass · 17/12/2008 19:08

thanks all for the advice sorry for x posts

I do want a break from him... but I guess it has to come from DH until he starts preschool. Although I will look into other stuff.

OP posts:
ToysAreLikeDogs · 17/12/2008 19:08

can you do swopsies with another mum in similar circs? You have hers for an afternoon, she has yours for eg

Coldtits · 17/12/2008 19:08

My advice with a destructive toddler/preschooler is to NEVER leave them unattended with any mark making materials.

compo · 17/12/2008 19:10

things will get better once he starts preschool

and , you won't beleive me right now, but once it all settles down ou'll even start thinking about ttc no.2

Coldtits · 17/12/2008 19:10

When does he start, after Christmas? I take ds2 to playschool one day a week, just v9.15 until 2.45, and it saves my sanity. I'm a single parent, so it's important to keep the sanity!!!

Original poster
senatorvass · 17/12/2008 19:12

thank you and really you dont have to say sorry for saying the "bright but normal" stuff. I honestly dont care and dont have much of an opinion re: giftedness he is after all only 2. I just want him to be happy and cause minimal damage to the world around him really and then I am sorted.

I am REALLY liking the idea of army issued earguards!

OP posts:
shootRudolphinthehip · 17/12/2008 19:12

Having a child is the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me. Whilst not gifted, I too had a super bright LO who sucked the life out of me. She was a difficult baby and a horrible toddler. She is 5 in April and is SOOO much better. She still needs me to entertain her and talks all the time but she is much more manageable. It is a real shock to the system having that kind of child and it took me at least 3 odd years to get my head round her. I wouldn't be without her and Nursery does really help. You will get through it and will enjoy being a Mum again. You may even get brave enough to have another .

Try to get some time off and go out- or get your DH to take the LO away so you can enjoy being in your home with no noise (and DO NOT tidy up- have a bath or something), and remember you are not the first and won't be the last to feel like this so don't have any guilt.

nickytinseltimes · 17/12/2008 19:13

You have my sympathies, senator.
My ds is 2.4 and sounds very much the same.
DO you go to a toddler group or is there a playgroup near you? Our local playgroup runs twice a week and you leave the kids once they get the hang of it. It would give you a few hours off.
You could consider a s=childminder too you know - they are not just for those who WOH and I have a few pals who use one once a week for a morning. Obviously, it's only any good if you can afford it.
Toddlers are utterly draining! You need to get a break if possible.

Original poster
senatorvass · 17/12/2008 19:18

thank you all so much. I really appreciate this. i so needed to hear that I wasnt alone I guess.

He is hopefully (if they have a place) starting shcool easter 09. Otherwise it will have to wait til sept 09. it will start out only one morning a week and then gradually build up. We go to playgroup once a week but he does not play with other children at all, wants me with him constantly and as soon as another child falls and bonks their head he flips... so its a mixed blessing though I wouldnt give it up.

I do love (in a way I hope you all understand) how many of you are saying things like "toddler sucked the life out of me" it IS helping me!

OP posts: