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Treating social phobia/anxiety - any ideas?

3 replies

BashfulBlitzen · 11/12/2008 14:53

Because I think it's time I acknowledged I have a problem in this area.

I have opted out of regular social events in my village community since moving here a few years ago. I like to think this has been because I'm a bit of an eccentric who likes her own/existing friends' company, and is more interested in her hobbies than coffee mornings - and this is partly true ... but deep down, I want to belong and to be liked and to have the balls to contribute relatively fearlessly. Yet I'm too afraid to get involved because I don't know what to say, who to be IYKWIM (I seem to go into quiet, polite school girl mode - grrr), and I'm deeply afraid of being judged as a spineless wet blanket with nothing to say, devoid of personality. I know I am/can be feisty, passionate, witty and fun around family and old friends - but for some reason, just not here, in this context, with these people (and in some other contexts too).

I need to pick DS up from school in half an hour, and it's the dread I feel around that - the anxiety about whether to stand on my own in the playground or be bold and start talking to someone ... all the people (I don't like crowds/big groups of people) ... what to say if someone talks to me ... feeling awkward ... feeling utterly judged. Argh. You get the picture. I'm guessing this isn't entirely normal?

Maybe it's related - or else it's fairly common at this time of year and in a REALLY chilly house - but depression and apathy are creeping into the frame for me as well at the moment. All this anxiety and inadequacy around socialising are slowing me up and holding me back, and I feel sad, angry and frustrated because, on some level, I think I've got a lot going for me, and am not really fulfilling my potential.

Has anyone any ideas on how to move on from these socialising hang-ups? Thanks.

OP posts:
BashfulBlitzen · 11/12/2008 15:11

Bump

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 11/12/2008 15:23

I'm sure you've got loads going for you. I think you should steel yourself to jump in. Make a plan to speak to at least one new person in the playground a day and once you have spoken to that someone you are not allowed to ignore them ever again. (Unless s/he turns out to be real pratweevil, of course). Remind yourself constantly that the worst that can happen is that not everybody thinks you are super fab right away. And you will take time to identify the people you really gel with and adore too so that's fine.

But if you really can't, then do go to gp and get some help. Ask for some CBT in the first instance. It's not a cure all but is good for approaching this kind of problem in a practical way.

BashfulBlitzen · 11/12/2008 21:39

Thanks, ScummyMummy. I like your idea about diving in. I think a trip to the doctor could be in order, too, just because I suspect that if I do bite the bullet, I will then analyse every interaction afterwards, and decide they didn't like me much at all - and that somehow seems to hurt a lot. I'm sure it sounds silly - it is - but it is what I have somehow come to be in the habit of doing, and it's not healthy. I'll try a bit of boldness in the last week of term (before I can hide away over Christmas!) and book up to see my GP in the New Year. Thanks again for your support.

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