Angry and anxious

[luckywinner]

I have never posted about myself in this topic but I just wondered if anyone could help me.

I have been seeing a psychotherapist for the past 6 years. I have come so far and am so much happier than I ever was 6 years ago. But I have one lingering issue, and that is anger. Without going into too much detail, I have never really learnt how to deal with my anger, and just squash it. And it has manifested itself in anxiety. Whenever I feel angry, I feel so anxious. I am talking this through with my therapist who I find really great but i just wondered if anyone could recommend any books on this subject. I really feel like this is my last hurdle and it is proving incredibly difficult to jump over.

i don't know of any books sweetheart but good for you (((((((((((((())))))))))))

I don't know of any books either, but I understand that anger and sadness are often linked. I find that when I am angry, tears are not far behind. I expect you already know all about that! I expect you would be able to find a lot of information about anger management. Sorry to be so little help.

Mrsm and BlaDeBla, thank you, what a lovely board this is. I think the anger management area is a good one to look at. Someone recommended to me Mind over Mood, have you ever read it?

It is so hard when you finally feel in a good place those old ghosts creep back. Sometimes I feel it makes it harder to deal with as you get wrenched away from the happy place you have managed to get yourself. But I have come so far I am damned if I am going to give in and both your posts have made me feel supported by two total strangers and that is a very lovely feeling so thank you.

I try not to read self-help books as I think that most of them are self-interest, and recovery is a very personal thing. I think that old ghosts do reappear at times, but over the years their terror lessens (In theory at least.

Do present day things sometimes make you feel angry but when you look back on it you can't see logically why you were SO angry over something that doesn't seem that big? That's what I have been like and have recently realised that it is because small present day events trigger feelings which were never expressed/processed from past bigger events. The present day event only has to remind you of the past thing a tiny bit for you to be triggered. The feelings are still in your body and your brain/body finds ways to get them out I think, so when your subconscious sees something that reminds you of things it sees a way to get some of the feelings out by attaching them to the present day thing. If this doesn't apply to your situation just ignore my drivel!

Sorry for the absence, everyone in my house is sick!
I know what you mean about self interest in self help books Bla, I think every writer has experienced their own personal journey that has led them to writing their own book that won't be necessarily be of any help. I suppose I am just feeling a bit desperate as I just cannot get over this last hurdle. It is like I am superglued to the ground.

ActingNormal, I think for me the anxiety comes first. I then realise later on that I am feeling angry about something that has in turn caused anxiety. They are usually huge deep rooted things that make me feel so angry, for example, without going on about it, my dh has been away loads and I have worked out through therapy I am not very good at being left. And it makes me angry, but it takes me awhile to work that out. Quicker than in the past though! You are right about present day events being the trigger. I just don't know how to release the anger without being completely and utterly unreasonable. I'm quicker than a ferrari, its like I go from 0-60 in two seconds flat.

How do I go about getting them out? All I do is feel like I swallow the anger. It is old festering anger though going back a long long time so I am aware that it is going to be a mammoth task. For example, I even find it so difficult to express any anger or negative emotion at my therapist, the one person I should be honest with. It is not because she is crap, more because I can't bear the idea of behaving less than perfectly.

Phew! That just got v complicated! Any tips gratefully received!

Do you feel cross with your therapist? Do you trust him or her?
If you feel safe within the confines of your therapy, it may be having a go...

I'm quite sure therapists are used to people being angry. DH and I went to marriage guidance for a long time, and there are things that DO make people very angry - each other, the therapist who doesn't seem to know... Couples can have rows in front of the therapist as it's seen as a safer place and the therapist can then establish what's going on.

Are you able to express anger at things around you in front of your therapist?

It sounds as though you are not allowing yourself to feel things properly and are getting a bit blocked up. Anger is an important emotion, and you won't go mad if you let it out of the bag. In time you can learn how to control it, rather than denying it and letting it control you, and making you feel crap.

You may find also that there are certain triggers, which once you are aware of, you may find easier to deal with. I hate people waving sticks around, and I feel as though I will deck anyone who comes too close to me with one. I think that like other animals, when we know we don't like something we give out warnings before we blow.

I'm sorry to ramble on. I'm sure you will get there. Sometimes things feel overwhelming, when really they just need to be broken down into little bits.

I do trust her but that has taken a while as I generally am a very mistrusting person.
I am completely unable to express any anger whatsoever. It is such a block. You are so right that anger is such an important emotion. What do you do when you are angry? I don't mean that as a question directed at you more a rhetorical one, as in I have no idea what to do. It feels like a completely alien experience, like going to Japan and trying to read road signs that are in Japanese!

I can't bear it though.
But thanks for replying. Just waffling on here has given me a little perspective. I would really love an idiots guide to anger though