Will this ever stop?

[merrylissiemas]

feeling very low again. EDT wants meto go back onto ads and my weight has dropped quite drastically. i can barely find the energy to brush my hair and just want to curl up into a ball, go to sleep and never wake up. i feel like such a failure and everything seems very grey and fuzzy. i know that this is my depression back. i know that my anorexia has never gone away, but i dot know why. pre-ds i was never depressive. anorexic yes, but i used the ED to control my mood.

it no longer does the trick. if i dont eat i dont feel triumphant or buzzy. instead i feel disgust at myself and my protuding hip bones and ribs. i have rickets now from prolonged malnourishment and i still cant bring myself to eat. it just doesnt seem important.

just need to get it all ff my chest. sorry for whingeing i know that there are plenty worse off x

Sorry I've got no advice for you but sorry to hear you are feeling so low x

thanks. not really expecting advice, just need to egt it out iykwim

(((hug)))

oh bloody hell lissie

i thikn ADs would surely be a good start... and CBT? you are so programmed not to eat, that you can;t eat now, even when you want to , depsite knowing it is not right.

i know lulu. im on the verge of tears all the time and cant even get some genuine excitement about christmas this year. i just feel so crap about going back onto them. i hate the thought that i will always be like this. i see my EDT (eating disorder therapist) every 4 weeks and hes told me to call him if i need to see him earlier, but i dont want to. i keep thinking i have to learn to live with this now. and i really dont want to see him more often, he's implied recently that a stay in the unit may do me good, but i have managed to keep my BMI just above 17 (when he's weighed me anyway) i really dont want to go into hospital.

can you CAT me please? or emial me
lulumama 21 @ hotmail. com

will email you now.

have replied x

thanks.

todays no better, cant get appt at docs and to top it all off have stinky cold.

It will stop. Depression is horrible because when you are in the thick of it, it seems neverending and inevitable. You sound as if you need the ADs - but try again to get a GP appt. ADs are not a cop out - they are a crutch while you get back on your feet. Ive no experience of anorexia - but i really feel for you. Of course you dont have any energy if you are feeling so low and aren't eating. Can anyone come and look after you for a few days? I know that last time i was really desperate my mum came to stay and cooked/played with DS. It really helped. Can you ring the docs again, and explain that you really need to see someone, and if thats impossible, then ask for a doctor to ring you? I know its really hard to stand up for yourself when you are feeling like this, but could you have a try?
xxx

thanks, the receptionist said that a doc will only call me if its an emergency im going back to bed now, ds is at preschool and dh has gone out. i was supposed to be going out tomorrow night but not feeling well and dont have the energy.

scored v highly on edinburgh and she saidi am severly depressed again. on 50mg sertraline for the next 2w thn they will up the dosage.

i feel so low, not sleeping andmy lil sis was disgusted with how thin i am today. i am such a failure