How do I get DH to tackle this?

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

Phobias. What's the word on tackling them?

DH appears to have developed a phobia about giving presentations at work. And it's starting to become a bit of a problem.

This week he has to give a presentation to the Vice President of his company and do dry runs through with colleagues on two occasions. Now, yes, this would cause butterflies in most normal people, but he's been awake since 5.30am this morning, wretching, feeling panicky etc.

I said "I thought you were doing more and more presentations anyway and it was getting better?"

He said "yes I stand and talk in front of the team everyday but this one's different"

I said "why, because of the powerpoint?"

He did manage to laugh a bit and say "yes I've got a phobia about powerpoint obviously"

Now, it was good that he snurked at that but the feeling sick and panicky is Not Good.

I'm finding it really disturbing because I've seen him get like this before and he ended up loosing his job and on citalopram. It was really horrible and as soon as he was out of that environment, he got better.

I don't think this situation would make him so bad again (on Thursday it will all be over) but he can't go on through life feeling this level of anxiety at having to use powerpoint and talk to his Vice president. I can see he's really capable of doing it well. But what if there was a situation which was a bit more ongoing than one presentation? I really do not want him to end up walking out of work again.

So. How should one deal with anxiety attacks / phobias like this??? I've suggested counselling to him.

And, moreover, how do I convince him to actually do it? It's not going to go away, but he'll think that if it's only once in a while, he can ignore it won't he.

And this morning he kept talking about feeling like he had fog in his head, his eyes went blurred and he kept feeling sick.

That's really not good is it.

There are psychiatrists who specialise in helping people overcome phobias. You will have to pay for it, I should think. Ask at your local private hospital for a name/referral.

When people are overly anxious, then often the Fight or Flight response gets triggered.

This is responsible for many of the physiological symptoms that people complain about.
For example, during the F or F response your body will push adrenaline to your muscles to help run. This makes you feel jittery and unable to stand still.

You body shuts down digestion to conserve energy. This makes you feel ill if you eat, and also contribute to an upset tummy

The "rational" part of your brain shuts down. This makes you a bit "foggy" and maybe unable to focus as well as you would like to.

Your heart beats faster to send blood/adrenaline to you limbs, and you breathe faster - all to facilitate the F or F response.

Your DH is obviously suffering, and there are many things he can do without having to see someone (although that would be better, and he would probably feel more equipt to deal with it)

He can do things that "counter" the response.
Plant his feet on the ground - move in a deliberate/controlled way.

Do some deep breathing excercises. In through the nose, and exhale for longer through the mouth. (ie if you inhale to the count of 5, exhale to 7)

Do mental math. Start off with simple stuff - just to get your rational brain clicked back into gear.

If he can, he should try to imagine the presentation going really well.

Its OK to be nervous! Sometimes if you just admit it - even in a small way, then it helps to let off some nervous energy.

Excercise is great for using up nervous energy.

B vitamins and essential fatty acids fed the nervous system.

Good Luck!

(ps, I am a hypnotherapist, and that works great for this sort of thing. But I would say that )

wow purple duck thats a great post

Thanks Santa
Of course, you can do some deep breathing excercises with the elves...maybe stretching by the reindeer before your big trip.

Thanks Purpleduck, all sensible stuff for helping deal with it mid panic. But how would you work around the crisis arising in the first place? ie it's not normal to be quite so panicked at the idea of a presentation, surely. Butterflies? yes, fine. A bit of adrenaline does us all good. Wretching? - I think he could do without that. It's been building up for a few days now.

Interestingly this morning he was wondering about seeing a hypnotherapist. I think he envisages it as more of a "quick fix" solution than counselling. Any thoughts on that? And I wonder what sort of cost we'd be looking at.

Some people - depending on their overall stress levels tend to go into "crisis" mode very easily.
If someone has quite high levels of stress (and I mean that they don't manage their stress - the things that stress them out are irrelevant - its all relative) then they tend to go into panic/higher levels of anxiety easier. It just builds and builds. Its like a journey - if you are stressed all the time, then its only a short jump to high anxiety.

My first suggestion would be for him to manage his overall stress all the time.
-excercise, sleep well, eat well.
In terms of hypnotherapy, your DH would be taught self hypnosis, and would of course undergo some therapy. They may try to sort out why he is so stressed, but different therapists have different approaches. Sometimes high stress is a learned response.

The thing is, while hypnotherapy is very good for managing stress, it is not something that is passively received by the client. Many people assume that hypnotherapy is something that is done to them. This is not true - so while it is often quicker than conventional counselling, it is still a process, and the client needs to participate.

If he really doesn't like the idea of therapy, then perhaps (in addition to excercise etc) he would be open to learning to meditate...
As for costs, it really varies.
If you Google "hypnotherapy" then you will find quite a few different professional bodies.
Good Luck
Feel free to CAT me

If he won't go to therapy, maybe he could read a book about overcoming anxiety and phobias? I found one that was very useful - it basically uses Cognitive behavioural therapy.

In essence, he may be putting too much pressure on himself to do it well and too much emphasis on the consequences of it going wrong.

CBT teaches you to not put too pressure on yourself and consider what would be the absolutely worst possible thing that would happen if it didn't go well. Usually, the worry is way in excess of what the worst outcome would be. Does that make sense?

It can be enormously helpful and teaches you coping strategies if this kind of worry is a common occurence.

Thanks all. That's really helpful, especially purpleduck I'll try to talk to him about it - but typical bloke, only wants to talk on his terms. Could be a couple of weeks, if not longer, before the subject is brought up. But I'm feeling a bit more armed now.