Think my best friend has PND - is there ANYTHING I can do?

[Ewe]

My best friend has a 3 week old baby and is really struggling with things. She reluctantly gave up bfing after struggling to get latch right. She is geographically not near anyone apart from her NCT group and all of her family and friends are over an hours drive away.

She has just text me saying she is really struggling and hasn't left the flat in 2 days. People who have been there, can you offer me any suggestions on what I can do to help? Have suggested she speak to HV but was not interested and she seemed to be ok when I went over and we had wine! Is it normal to be ok when others around? Or is PND constant?

Glad to hear she has such a caring friend.

Stay in touch with her. It could just be pregnancy hormones and if she has just stopped breastfeeding it will take her body and mind time to adjust.

Contacting HV is important as she may get more help but she may not be ready for this. I was referred to a PND group and some of the girls have become very good friends. It helps that they are local. We are all ok now but it took time. I found some of the mother and baby groups a bit cliquey but she may want to shop around a bit. Then there's always mumsnet but it is important she is out and about.

Is she getting any time away from the baby, even if just an hour or two? Does she get any sleep?

Hopefully others will come along with more ideas.

i have pnd and yes you definately feel better around other people, because on your own you can get anxiety out of perspective.

however i would say that anyone three weeks into motherhood is bound to feel a bit overwhelmed and not manage to get out for 2 days.

i didn't realise i had pnd until 7 months.

anyway the best thing is to be there but be flexible and let her know that its ok to break arrangements or kick you out when she's had enough. just let her be a selfish friend for a while cos the baby takes priority and i find that it takes all your energy and if you have to worry about anyone else its too much. and eat lots of good food. basil makes you feel happy and calm so does rice

I had it a little bit with DS but it only lasted a few weeks. I think it was a comibination of a shock pregnancy as I was quite younger (or younger than I had planned) and DS wouldn't sleep and so had no sleep and just didn't feel it was all worth it. It passed though Ewe but I was fine when people came round but when I was on my own it was when it hit me.

How old is she? Does she have a DP/Mum you could speak to about your concern?

She is in her mid 20s, has a DP but whilst they are very settled they have only been together 18months. I think she is just feeling really isolated.

She is very very anxious and says she is often not sleeping due to worry about her baby. So even when baby is sleeping - which sounds like it isn't often - she is struggling to then sleep. When I had my DD I often had low days and frequently didn't get dressed or leave the house but it seems different with her, she is not the sort of person who would ordinarily mention that she is feeling down which is why I fear it may be something more serious.

Will hope it is just a hormonal thing, am seeing her for lunch tomorrow so will try and just be available to her.

It is ite normal to present a 'coping' face to the outside world...which is why many mother fool their HV and friends etc.

She may not be admitting even to herself how crap she is feeling yet. Can you offer to go round and look after baby while she has a kip? Cook oven-ready food for her. And just let her know you are there for herif she wants to talk.
3 weeks is still quire 'normal' to feel crap anyway INO. Keep an eye on here; you sound like a fabulous friend to have