Pregnant and very depressed

[as1905]

Hi

I really need some advice. I feel like I am going insane. I feel like I am in such a mess and so low. I'm 6 months pregnant and in an emotionally volatile relatioship (whom I live with). It's so up and down (and the downs are really bad) that it has slowly over the last year ground me down.

I find it very hard in the down times with my current partner to believe I have thrown my life away and ended up broke, living in an area I hate and don't know anyone, depressed and eroded in confidence with someone who I am not sure really loves me at all.

I am so so depressed and feel I have caused such a mess. I feel so guilty for feeling so low and how it will effect the baby.

Each day is a struggle emotionally and now I can't stop breaking down (even in public places!). My friends have said I am in an emotionally abuse relationship (he constantly puts me down - in the form of 'teasing and jesting' and when we fight it is hideous). Although nothing physical has ever happened I do feel as if I am on an emotional rollercoaster.

Most of it is all really subtle stuff although lately there have been a couple of unforgiveable incidences that have horrified people and which I knew were not me.

... then when he is lovely ... he is really lovely. It leaves me feeling isolated and like I am going crazy?!

I am an intelligent woman - how have I ended up here?

I went to the doctors and he has said I am suffering from severe depression and has referred me to counselling. He also admitted I would probably not be in this state of mind if I were not in this relationship. But what do I do? Do I leave? I have suggested counselling to him but he just got really angry with me and said I was 'insinuating there was a problem when it is all me'.

I don't even recognise myself anymore. I had everything going for me now I feel I have nothing. I am finding each day a struggle and just don't kow what to do. I don't know whether to leave and then how would I cope? My family live miles away.

I feel so low I am just trying to focus on the positive side that my baby will arrive and hopefully he'll change.

xx :-(

I'm sorry that things are so bad, your friends are telling you the truth by the sounds of it.

Leave now, can you go for a visit to your family & get a break for the daily to start thinking more clearly?

If things are like this now how is it going to be with the extra stesses once the baby is born?

You have to ask yourself if you would stay with this man if you werent pregnant and feeling vulnerable? How was the relationship before you became pregnant?

Me and DP had an horrendous time during both of my pregnancies. We argued, didnt speak for days at a time.....I spent every day in tears planning my escape from this awful situation I was in. Apparently I am a nightmare when I'm pregnant ( Im not saying that you are) I was moody, hormonal, depressed and paranoid. My DP just didnt know how to deal with me. We got through it though and now have a mostly good relationship.

Could you get away for a couple of weeks without him? Stay with family or friends? You dont even need to make a big deal about it just say you're going to visit someone before the baby arrives. At least then you'll have space to think and consider your options. If he really is emotionally abusive now....it wont get better once the babies here. And it'll be even harder to leave then.

Being honest the relationship was volitile emotionally before i got pregnant. I tried to get out a couple of times but with him pleading me not to go, sayig he would change.

Now I am pregnant if we argue it is always my fault... he never says sorry anymore.

I am at work until the end of Jan but maybe able to get to stay with my family who are 4 hours away for a week or two after that.

His selfishness has amazed me and I know I am naturally emotional so know that at the moment I am ultra senstivie but things in teh past have happened in arguments such as chucking all my stuff out the window at 2am, bolting at the hospital and turning his phone off after an argument at my 20 weeks scan etc... that I think is more than me being pregnant?

Saying that of course I would love to make it work, and love to have him lovely for 80% of th time... but I am now so low I can't crawl out and I am worried whether to go or stay.. which is the right option for the baby... and for me.

xx

:-(

If you've tried to leave before then its obviously not the pregnancy that's causing the problems....its him. Please think about staying with family when you finish work. Dont mention leaving him as he'll try to stop you like he did before just go as if it were a holiday but make sure you take personal effects like birth certificate, passport, maternity notes (!) in case you dont go back.
Is there anyone you can talk to in confidence?

Yes I've acually spoken to a few people(friends, sister etc) as I had to clarify it wasnt me?! These are people that have known me for years. I even spoke to my ex-hsuband (we are still friends) and he said although I am high maintenance... this does not sound right and does not sound like me... but then of course when my partner is lovely (sudden switch) it confuses me and I think maybe I am too demanding?/Expect too much/too critical/... all the other things I am told I am.

I just dot know. I dont' want to make a mistake whilst I am pregnant but I know it will be harder once the baby is born.

x

You may be having symptoms of PND - it's pretty normal for it to happen before the baby is born, only it's still called Post natal depression. Start getting as much support as you can now through your gp and midwife. When the baby arrives, you will then be in a far better position to know what to do.

Well done for getting to the doctors. A lot of abuse starts during pregnancy. Womens Aid may be able to offer you some support. I have found them fantastic.

It sounds a bit as though you are blaming yourself for what is going wrong in your relationship. It is not your fault, it is the relationship that is dysfunctional. You can get help with that even if you go alone. Relate may be a useful contact.

If your head is spinning, you may be referred to a shrink who specialises in PND. I get a feeling they are thin on the ground. I felt a lot better when I started taking anti depressants during my 1st pregnancy.

It sounds like you are living with someone extremely abusive to me, I am sure there will be more people along who will say the same.

One way he is controlling you is by keeping you totally confused and by being so unpredictable. Please please do not wait till your baby is born for it to get physical- apparently this is when lots of men cross the line into physical abuse, although it sounds like what he is doing is pretty awful already.

I actually think you need to look at your circumstances rather than at yourself -I had many of the same feelings while I was pg and things have only got worse.