PLEASE HELP... advice needed to raise self esteem of depressed and suicidal and possibly autistic 11 yr old boy.

[flippityjibbet]

A wonderful friend of mine has 3 children and is a very loving mother.

Her elsest son has recently been diagnosed with clinical depression and has been having suicidal thoughts.

My friend has worried for a long time that has aspergers but this was not confrmed, although the person who saw him said he was possible on the autistic spectrum. Naturally my friend is beside herself with worry and guilt. She has asked me to think of ways in which she can boost his self esteem.. I thought of mumsnet...

your advice/experience would be very greatfully recieved.

tia.

Aww, that must be very difficult for your friend and her ds.

I suppose in general being very positive about his achievements and things like that will already be done anyway.
But, how about getting him involved in some groups where he possibly could shine...i.e. look at talents and go from there.

Also, possibly giving him some smal responsibilities around the house ad rewarding those, aswell, as obviously telling him what great help he is.

Not sure if that is of any use...but bumping it for you anyway

My ds (8) has AS and ADHD and low self esteem is a constant problem with him. He has really high expectations of himself and so regularly fails to live up to them. This is pressure he puts on himself as neither we nor the school push him so hard. One thing ds needs is help to lower his expectations and to set himself more acheivable goals so that he doesn't keep failing. At school this may be the teacher asking him to think about how many lines is reasonable to write in a certain lesson and then her helping ds to lower the number he first comes up with so that he will actually be able to it. At home he needs similar guidance to help him set managable goals for himself. Ds responds well to praise but dislikes over-the-top type praise. He responds best to frequent thumbs ups and a few brief encouarging words.

thankyou christmas and dusty, that is very helpful. I tried really hard to think of ideas that might raise his self esteem, it's quite hard but I guess it is just the small and obvious things that my friend is already doing lots of that will help him.

The little boy is very intelligent and a high achiever, I'm not sure how the school are helping him but I agree they should be very closly involved, so far it's my friend that has got professionals involved, I think the school could have picked up problems earlier. It is a small private cathedral school.

.

hm....as an outsider...depending how well this lad responds to you...it might also will make a difference if you get a bit involved...again, possibly small chores tt are rewarded and praised, etc...because often kids that age can accept it better from others....my son, 12 1/2 is going through his typical pre teen phase, I assume, but he certainly seems to respond to friends/famiy friends better than us at times...and I think that may also stand for most kids....

I was wondering about getting involved....
I spent a long time thinking about them in the middle of the night last night, I came up with the idea that I should have the other 2 boys for him to have some time with his mum. quite obvious really but as soon as I thought it I was able to sleep finally!

that sounds like a very good plan.....

flibberty that may well work wonders- ds1 is 9 tiomorrow (my baby! sob! LOL ) and like your friends son in many ways, and do you know? when it gets hard the best way to sort is a trip out with me and a cake in a cafe.

Depression is actually rather common is AS individuals and she might want to speak to the national autistic society for advice.

DS1 is currently trialling an anger diary where he records his emotions so we can deal with them in a more constructive way: we bought it from autismbuddy.com for a tenner (search autism anger- after all suicidal thoughts are often anger turned inwards) and the format would work for a child not n the spectrum anyway.

The diary section can be reproduced at home- goes like this:

a4 book each page printed with:

'I need to learn what makes me feel (insert sad or depressed, book says angry)

I can write down what happens on these pages. I can draw a picture of what has happened. I can share this diary if I want to'

This made me feel angry:

I can draw a picture here:

'

Your friend is lucky to have some-one as concerned and caring as you - she will need this support as care of children with these extra needs can be a long journey.

A little bit of personal experiance with the autistic spectrum, with my own 11 year old DS.

Children in this spectrum need a calm settled enviroment with established routines, lots of postive reinforcement in whatever way works for the child concerned.

My son went through a stage when I would say he was depressed though mercifully not suicidal when he noticed he was "different" to others around him.

We got him engaged with as many activities as we could, swimming, rugby clubs, he sometimes had to be persuaded (bribed!) to go but it really helped keeping him active and involved. He is soo much happier now although issues still arise you get better at dealing with it.

Wishing your freind and son all the very best of luck

thankyou so much pria peachy and christmas,
I will look into the anger book, that sounds like a great tool. I spoke to my friend briefly earlier and she mentioned that her ds was perhaps going to have some anger management sessions. she will hopefully let me take the younger boys every now and again, she is so sweet though as she was concerned about it being too much for me ( I have 3 children and am pregnant) but my goodness it is the smallest gesture so I will make sure she lets me.
pria I fear that although she is a loving mum, there isn't much room for calm in the house and her marriage is very shakey.

thankyou again.