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Just need to say this.

4 replies

Nohoper · 26/11/2008 12:35

Ok, where do I start? I guess my hormones are all over the place because I recently gave up breastfeeding my ds but there are other factors.

We have money issues, not serious, but serious enough to warrant contacting CCCS and attempting to set up voluntary agreements with our bank and two credit card companies.

I was made redundant at the end of my maternity leave and have not managed to secure another job. I had a job interview last week and they said that they would contact me on Friday to let me know if I had the job. They have not contacted me ? this is making me feel rejected, pathetic and pointless. I?m not even worth acknowledging and I can?t bear to call them and chase this up ? I just don?t need to put myself up for rejection willingly.

My mum has been helping us out financially but this comes at a very high price. She has a great claim over my ds and takes over whenever she can. She is currently spending all of her time buying Christmas pressies for him and saying that she will spoil him rotten this Christmas. I know that he is too young to know what she is saying, and that she means well, but this is making me feel awful ? reminding me that we cannot provide enough for our only son. If I try to address this with her she will get moody and upset. I am trying to get back into work and she will be very hurt if we try to get ds into a nursery ? she will see this as rejection. However, she can?t really cope with ds all day ? a few hours exhaust her and I often find that she has not dressed him properly or has given up trying to get shoes on him, for example, because she can?t cope with him (he is a very energetic and adventurous little boy).

It was my birthday a few days ago and my mum forgot it. I did not want or expect a pressie, especially given the financial help my mum has given us and that we are unable to reciprocate right now, but just saying Happy Birthday to me would have meant a lot.

My dh?s father is an alcoholic leach who comes into our lives every so often when he wants something. When he doesn?t need anything from us he ignores dh but for some reason my dh makes every effort to please this rotten parasite. He has also been very rude to me in the past, on first meeting me all he wanted was to get to the pub with dh, couldn?t even be bothered to make pleasantries with me. I suggested that maybe he would like to go to the pub and catch up with his son alone; he turned to me and said ?I don?t care whether you come or not?. End of conversation. I have tried being nice to this man but I cannot avoid seeing him for what he is ? a selfish man who ruined his own son?s lives by being more away from the family home than present, an unashamed alcoholic who is only happy in a pub holding court and boasting about how he has ripped people off in the past (non-payment of rent, stealing from the till &c &c). I don?t want him in my life and I don?t want him being part of my ds life, but my dh wants to take him off to see him at the weekend. The last time they met my ds was a few weeks old and we spent the afternoon sitting in a stinking draughty pub trying not to retch at the smell of stale alcohol from my dh?s father.

My dh is lovely but very weak and lets people walk all over us. His brother is hateful and often gets hysterical over family issues (like his alcoholic father). He often rings just to harangue my dh about issues that do not concern him. When he was told that he was going to be an uncle he suggested that we should not bring a child into the world as we live in a ?s*hole? and couldn?t afford a child?, and hadn?t we considered ?getting rid of it?. For the record, we live in a modest, ex-council house (definitely not as he describes it) and at the time of conceiving our ds I had a well-paid job (there was not talk of possible redundancy at that time). Ds was definitely planned and is so loved, he is my only reason for carrying on.

I?m so sorry for posting this ? when I read it back it just sounds like a pathetic whinge. I just feel so low right now and wanted to get this off my chest before I dissolve.

OP posts:
TheNewsMongrel · 26/11/2008 12:44

You poor thing. You have a lot of balls in the air. You don't knwo where they're going to land and that is so stressful. I remember last year when I was in the middle of a massive life change, the most stressful period of my life, I used to sit and write organagram type diagrams (complete with boxes!!) of the the things that upset me the most, and other little boxes coming out of them of what, if anything I could do about it. I also wrote down what I had that was good. It sounds madness, but it does help. Obviously I know if a person is properly depressed drawing a few lists and boxes won't help, but I'd been on anti-ds twice before and I knew that a little perspective and clarity would be enough to give me just a tiny boost. Not enough to have be dancing on the rooftops, but it helps you marshall your thoughts, processyour concerns into order.

It just made me feel a little bit more in control. You do ahve a lot on your plate and I hope I don't sound like I'm giving you the male solution, just do x,y,z!

My housing situation is also dire at the moment, I live with family, no privacy, have to agree all the time, have to be grateful all the time, and I often need to vent about that!

Nohoper · 26/11/2008 12:58

Thank you so much and sorry for posting such a longwinded rant. I felt so stupid when I read my post back, but then that is what I expect to feel right now, a bit pathetic and sad.

I do like your idea and I think I can use that to make sense of everything - I know that once I get a grip on one thing and get it sorted the other issues will fall into place too. This is just a temporary glitch.

OP posts:
Nohoper · 26/11/2008 13:03

I'm so flaming selfish, I'm really sorry. I feel awful that I didn't acknowledge your post properly regarding your houisng situation. It sounds bad - will it be resolved soon and what are you doing to get by and cope in the here and now?

I really am sorry, I think I have sunk too far into myself that I am unable to behave like a decent human being. I really didn't mean to not acknowledge your post.

OP posts:
TheNewsMongrel · 26/11/2008 14:15

You're not pathetic and sad at ALL!

You're just overbloodyloaded right now. We've all been there I think!

Let off a bit of steam here. It certainly helps. You should hear me moaning and whinging on a bad day on the lone parents board!

Being a single parent relying on my family is NOT as bad as what I've come from, so it's all relative. I sometimes have feelings of jealousy, when I see smoochy couples coming out of their lovely houses!! But mostly I feel relieved. Things aren't as bad as they could be (for me anyway).

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